Personal Development Training and Motivational Humor from the Motivational Smart Ass!

I don’t hate Sheryl Crow.

This may not be news, or even of interest, to you, but I find it fairly revelatory. Read on to see why…

This past weekend, the city of Philadelphia had a huge free concert to celebrate Independence Day. The headliner for the show was Sheryl Crow.

Though I live a mere five minutes away from where the concert takes place, I have never been to a 4th of July show because I have either been doing something else or I didn’t care about the headliner. This year I was in town and free. I am not a hug Sheryl Crow fan (because a) she’s got of a country twang to a lot of her songs, and I like rock, and b) I’m…you know… a dude…) but I like a lot of her songs (or so I thought)

The concert starts, and frankly, the first half was kind of boring. I turned to my friend at one point and said, “you know, she has a lot of slowish songs. Even her up-tempo songs are kinda slowish.” Turns out this was for two reasons: 1) she was saving her “up tempo-ist” songs for later (makes sense) and 2) she followed the Roots, who just had a ridiculous amount of energy. Richard Simmons would seem sluggish compared to these guys.

It was a nice show, just a little dull for me. The second half picked up a bit, but then I got annoyed when she performed a song I didn’t know (yes dang it! she should have cleared her set list with me…) I’m sitting there thinking “you have a big enough body of work with enough hits that you don’t need to play some obscure crap that I don’t know.” But that changed as you’ll see…)

To top it all off, for the second song of her encore she performed a cover of “Rock and Roll” by Led Zeppelin. This…confused me…I mean, it was an ok version, but wow, that’s a hell of a thing, covering a Zeppelin song. Plus, the main lyric of the song is “Been a long time since I rock and rolled.” All I could think of was, “yeah, you’re Sheryl Crow. I think the last time you ‘rock and rolled’ was…you know…never” It wasn’t the worst cover in the world (for that you need to watch Celine Dion covering ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ by AC DC)

Putting all this together, I left the concert saying, “eh, it was just ok.” If anything, I left feeling like I was less a fan of her music then when I went in. This is probably not the response you want as an artist to one of your concerts.

Than a strange thing happened. In the following days, I found myself singing Sheryl Crow songs to myself over and over.

What.

The.

Heck?!?

I thought I didn’t like the show. Why on earth am I singing Sheryl Crow to myself?!?

The biggest song I keep singing, and what turns out to have been my favorite one from the concert? The on song I hadn’t heard before. You know, the one I was annoyed she played.

Take a listen (but be warned: if you get to the catchy chorus it may get stuck on your head FOREVER!):

In addition, I have caught myself singing bits of “Everyday is a Winding Road,” “A Change Will Do You Good,” and “Are You Strong Enough to Be My Man?” (and yes, I am a strong enough man to admit that…)

I’m not going to run out and join the fan club, but I can now say that I like Sheryl Crow not only more than when I left the show, but also more than I did before I went to the show in the first place. Yes, with no external stimulus, I have made a 180 degree shift in my opinion. All that happened was that a little time passed.

Here are two takeaway lessons from this experience:

Lesson #1: Take time if you have it

Being able to improvise doesn’t mean you have to make snap judgements. If you have the time and luxury to think things over, do so. Studies have shown how emotions can alter logical decision making process. The step by step process to improvising with anything can help making quick decisions and taking immediate action, but don’t be afraid to take a little time (the step by step system is a great tool to run ideas through when you have time too). And don’t get fixed on your initial answer – it’s ok to change you initial answer if you have thought things through properly.

Lesson #2: Keep an open mind

Taking some time to think doesn’t do anything if you don’t keep an open mind to alternate possibilities. If I never even considered the chance that I would like Sheryl Crow, my opinion of her would not have changed after the concert. Thoughts, feelings, and intuitions will pop up; don’t fight them. Let them arise, and be open to the fact that they may lead you to a much better place.

Remember, I was very closed minded about her playing a song I had not heard before. And now I find myself playing that danged YouTube clip over and over and over…

The next time you are about to make a quick judgement and write something off – or someone, as I did to one of my closest friends when I first met her (you can see the story in the video here: – pause, breath, and take some time if possible to think about. You may find yourself changing your mind. And as they say, “a change will do you good.”

Have you ever thought about what exactly is rattling around in that brain of yours? Maybe you should…

I am currently reading “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. This is a New York times best selling memoir about a woman who “finds herself” (for lack of a better term) as she travels to Italy, India, and Indonesia.

(Interestingly, when I told a friend of mine I was reading it, he says, “but you’re a guy.” Fair enough. But there are three reasons I decided to read it: 1) If the book is good, I don’t care who the target market is. I have been known to enjoy a good Meg Cabot book from time to time. 2) She did an amazing talk at TED which is what first got me interested and 3) this friend occasionally lets his hair grow out to a point where he looks like Sweeny Todd, so what the heck do I care what he says?)

Last night I read a bit that gave me some great food for thought. In chapter 33, the author, Liz, is recounting a conversation she had with a friend about how though she loved Rome, she couldn’t think of it as “her” city.

Her friend responds, “Maybe you and Rome just have different words.”

He then goes on to explain how every city has a single word that defines it. Rome has “sex.” New York has “achieve.” Los Angeles has “succeed.” and so on. The idea is that if you could read everyone’s thoughts, most would have the same thought, and whatever that thought is, that is that city’s word.

(This immediately made me think, “what’s Philadelphia’s word?” If I had to pick one right now, it would be “underdog.” This city has an underdog mentality, and I’ve written about it before)

The conversation then turns to what Liz’s word is, and at this stage in her life she is not sure.

This led me to a second, much more relevant thought: “What’s my word?”

Put into context for you:

What’s Your Word?”

Very interesting question, and not an easy one to answer.

If we could read your thoughts, what is the thought that dominates the majority of your time? What word would you distill that down to?

Try this now. What’s your word?

If you’re like me, a lot of words jumped into your head as possibilities. For me, “laugh,” “funny,” “teach,” and “succeed” came to mind immediately. But none of them felt quite right as the thought that is in the majority of my thoughts. As I continued, some additional, less positive words came to mind, “stress,” “concern,” “fear.” Again, none of these were right at all.

Then I came upon a word that while I am not 100% sure about it feels more correct than any of the others: “approval.”

Now that sucks. I don’t want my word to be approval. I am the rebellious comedic Motivational Smart Ass! I don’t care about approval!

But your “word” isn’t about what you want. It’s about what you think about the majority of the time. I love to make people laugh, and to teach, and to write this blog, and to hang with friends, and to help people, but a lot of that comes down to liking people to approve of me (I’m a performer – does it surprise you that I like approval…?) The task for me now is to decide whether that word and those thoughts are the optimal ones to get me to where I want to go…

So to you, I once again ask, “what’s your word?”

This is a critical question. The word that dominates your thoughts will guide the majority of your actions, which will dictate the bulk of your results. Take the time now to a) consider what your current word is and b) decide whether it’s the word that serves you best.

If you don’t like your word, change it now – start thinking the thoughts you want to think about, and see the impact it has on your results.

Life is full of choices, and those choices have consequences. You are free to choose whatever you want, but when you do don’t sit there and whine about the consequences of making that choice.

This past weekend was Independence Day in the US, and Philadelphia, as always, had a huge celebration. I don’t know how any hundreds of thousands of people attended, but it was a lot. The area around the Art Museum (near where I live) was packed with a ton of people. And a lot of these people drove in.

Here’s the thing: Though these people all drove in at various times over the course of the day, they all needed to leave at around the same time. And when you combine waaaaaay more cars than the city can handle, with a large number of single and two-lane city streets, with a serious number of streets being closed off for the festivities, with throngs of people walking everywhere, you get TRAFFIC JAMS!

As I walked home after the celebration (well, I walked back during the fireworks because I didn’t care about watching them) I got a first hand up close view of the hell that was “trying to leave the city of Philadelphia at the end of the 4th of July.”

Wow.

Traffic was backed up for blocks. And it wasn’t moving at all, since thousands upon thousands of people were walking back to their cars, and since pedestrians have the right of way, the cars weren’t moving at all. When there was a gap in the pedestrian migration, traffic was further slowed by cars trying to enter the flow of traffic from their parking spots.

Chaos!

And then, as expected, it happened: People started honking their horns.

What.

The.

Heck?!?

Really? Really?? You really need to honk your horn? You’re sitting in a pile of traffic. You know exactly why there is traffic. You know everyone is trying to get home, just like you are. Do you honestly believe honking your horn is is going to do anything other than raise everyone else’s agitation level?

(Note: If you answered yes to that question, you should turn in your driver’s license and have yourself neutered so you can’t procreate and pass along your idiotic rage to the next generation)

Here’s the other thing: You had to know that if you stuck around until the end of the show that traffic leaving the city would be a nightmare.

(Note, if you didn’t realize this, then please see above advice about getting neutered)

Life is filled with examples of people who make decisions and then whine about what happens as a result. And that is just stupid.

If you want to be successful and not be annoying, you have two options:

1) Make better decisions

If you don’t want to deal with the traffic, leave the city much earlier, hang around and leave the city much later, or plot an alternate route out of the city.

In all decisions, think about the outcome you want to achieve and then make a decision that’s going to move you towards it. (yes, I am referring to one of the steps in the step by step process to improvising with anything.

2) Accept the consequences of your decision, and stop whining (honking) about it.

Sometimes you are going to think about the consequences of your actions and realize that the benefit is worth the cost. Great! Go for it! Just shut up about it afterward!

We really do live in a world of choice. If you want to stick around to the end of the concert to watch Sheryl Crow cover “Rock and Roll” by Led Zeppelin, then go right ahead (yeah, it happened. It was…interesting. Not bad. Just…interesting). And if you want to watch fireworks, then be my guest. But don’t complain about the fact that you are now stuck in the traffic jam you knew you would face.

Likewise, if you want to eat an entire bag of Doritos with Salsa con Queso sauce mixed with Sirracha hot sauce (not that I would know anything about this) don’t complain when you don’t lose any weight. If you don’t apply for better jobs, don’t complain about how crappy your current one is. And if you go out and get drunk, don’t whine about being hungover.

I realize that some people just like to whine and complain, regardless of whether they brought it upon themselves. That is called, “being a dumbass.” If this is you, hold on a second; I think I have Bob Barker’s number. He can give you some great advice on getting spayed and neutered…

I don’t like fireworks.

There. I’ve said it. I feel much better now.

The 4th of July is this weekend, and in Philadelphia, the firework displays start a good week prior. This past weekend I was making plans with two friends, and the general idea was to have dinner and then walk over to see the fireworks.

Now I don’t hate fireworks, and I am not morally or philosophically opposed, I just don’t get any enjoyment out of them. So I figured if others wanted to go see fireworks, I would go along.

After dinner, someone says, “so what are your thoughts about going to see the fireworks?”

I remain silent. If people want to go, I don’t want to sway them or make them feel guilty about making me go.

Someone says, “I could go either way.” Someone else says, “yeah, whatever.”

Sensing a pivotal moment where I can get out of going to see the show without being a bad guy, I cautiously offer up, “you know, to be honest, I’m not really a huge fan of fireworks. I don’t feel a compelling need to go see them.”

The response?

“Yeah, me either.”

“Me either”

Hallelujah!

Fortunately, the apartment we were in had a view of the show, so we watched the fireworks from the comfort of my buddy’s bedroom. We all then agreed that while the show was nice, pretty much every fireworks ever is about 15 minutes too long. In my opinion, as a direct result of not going to see the show, the night turned out great.

So what’s the point of this story? There are two:

Point #1 – You Never Know What People Like, So Speak Up

If none of us had spoken up and said that we weren’t huge fans of fireworks, we may have ended up walking to the show even though none of us cared. A lot of times we make assumptions about what other people like or are thinking. This is a recipe for disaster! Don’t make assumptions about other people. You know the old saying, “When you assume, you make yourself look like a giant dumbass.” That’s how the saying goes, right…?

Point #2 – It’s Ok To Not Like Things You SHOULD Like

It seems like there are things that people do because they are supposed to do like them, not because they actually like them. Like fireworks. I’m sure there are plenty of people who like fireworks. If you have kids, or just happen to be easily amused by bright, shiny, sky explosions, then sure. If so, let me know, I may have an old Lite-Brite I can sell you…

If you are offended by that last joke and feel tempted to write me a lengthy comment pontificating on the awesomiosity of fireworks and calling me out for being anti-American since fireworks on the 4th are as American as apple pie, I have two things for you:

1. You are missing the point of this post. You shouldn’t care what I think about fireworks. The point here is to pay attention to what you like and not care about what everyone else likes or doesn’t like. Just stop doing things because it’s supposed to be fun.
2. Post your comment anyway! I love an active comment section on my blog…

Here then, for my own catharsis and show you I am willing to walk my talk, I declare a (partial) list of things that society thinks I should like that I really just don’t:

• Fireworks
• Baseball
• Coldplay
• Parades
• John Irving novels
• Alien and Blade Runner
• Scotch
• Macs

You could reply telling me how crazy I am not to like that stuff (I know you Mac geeks are chomping at the bit right now), or you could…you know…just not…

This may seem like and obvious point, but I challenge you to really think about the things you do in a given week or month “for fun,” and then think about whether you really have fun doing those things or not.

The first step in the step-by-step process to improvising with anything is to have fun! How can you really have fun if you don’t know what fun is?

Update! Check out the follow up post and add your own list of “things I should like but don’t!”

The most infuriating thing to me about stupid people is not so much the stupid things they do (which are very annoying) but rather the indignation they feel when their stupidity leads to bad things happening to them.

I was walking to a local watering hole one evening to hang with a friend. I reached an intersection where I needed to cross the street. The light was red, so I opted to wait. This may not sound like an amazingly brilliant decision to you, but it is a critical component of the story.

You see, a man on a bike needed to cross the same street I did. Rather than waiting, he just rode on through. There was no traffic coming, but there was a woman in a car turning right on red. She looked to her left to make sure no traffic was coming, then, seeing it was clear, started to make her (legal) right on red.

This of course put her path and Mr. bike rider’s path in direct conflict. As she started her turn the bike dude was directly in front of her car. She slammed on her breaks, he swerved, and disaster was narrowly averted.

This is when the story gets truly spectacular. Bike dude starts yelling at the driver to “watch where you’re going.” He gives her the “angry eyes” of a man who enjoys conflict. She apologizes to avoid further conflict, he fumes as he rides off, and she continues on her way.

Who was wrong in this situation? Frankly, both people. And here’s what we can learn:

Lesson #1 – Don’t forget to account for other people’s stupidity

The woman was wrong because she looked left and then started her turn before completely looking back. In her mind the way was clear because since the light was red, there should have been no one in the intersection. But really, if you have driven in the city of Philadelphia for more than 5 minutes you know that people will not always win the good citizenship award for traffic flow.

You may do everything right, but other people’s stupidity can still mess with your Zen. Never discount this factor as you move through life. This is why I still, and will always, look both ways even when crossing a one-way street.

Lesson #2 – If you do something stupid, don’t get mad if stupid things happen to you.

As wrong as the driver was, I still find the bike dude to be more of an idiot, if only for his reaction afterward. You may disagree, but think about it: you are at a red light, you do not have the right of way, and you are not allowed to cross. On the other side of the street you see a car with it’s right turn signal on. You decide to cross anyway, completely discounting the possibility that the driver may be preparing to turn right on red?? Then, when your stupidity almost gets you killed, you have the audacity to flip out at someone else??

Basically, when you throw a hissy fit after your stupidity leads to stupid things happening to you, you are saying to the world, “I am so angry that you did not properly compensate for my stupidity!”

At some point the government needs to step in and build a commune for people that dumb…

The Motivational Smart Ass’s Simple Rules for Life Success

It’s really not that complicated:

1. Don’t do stupid things
2. Take into account that others will do stupid things
3. Be cautious in confronting other people’s stupidity, because they will be too stupid to follow your logic and just get mad at you

Follow these rules and you should a happy, less-stupidity filled life….

Feedback can be a wonderful thing. But at the end of the day, the one opinion that really matters is your own. This is a concept that is popping up in my life quite a bit these days…

“The Motivational Smart Ass,” is a new site and new brand for my existing speaking business which has been around for six yars. As you might have guessed, launching this site has been an interesting experience.

For the launch, I have been emailing all of my contacts and letting them know about the new brand and blog. I am also asking for their thoughts as well as any information on people who they think might be a good fit for it. This is a slow and steady process of reaching out to about five people a day, every day.

On day one, I sent my five emails. Within 10 minutes my phone rings, and it’s one one of the people I contacted. I suddenly got nervous – is she calling to say she loves it, or to tell me how awful it is…?

Turns out it was closer to the latter. She says, “Avish, when I got your email, my first thought was, ‘what is he thinking?'”

This was not the rosy, positive, “this is the best thing since sliced bread” response I was hoping to get. But I was prepared for it.

She went on to point out how I am making fun of motivation (I’m not, but I could see people making that mistake) and how she had just attended a session on how sarcasm can be destructive and doesn’t belong in the workplace. Ding!

Before you get the wrong idea, I am not ranting at her here. I was very appreciative of the feedback, and I thought it was super cool that she picked up the phone to talk to me directly. Plus, even as she gave me the feedback she kept an open mind, said she would pass it around and get some other opinions, and would keep on thinking about it. My friends, that is the way to give feedback! (Plus, since I asked for it, her feedback wasn’t unsolicited)

When I decided to move in this direction, I knew good and well that some people would react like this – and I’m sure some will react far worse. So I was ready for this. The thing is though that this was the *first* response to the first round of emails. Was there more in store? Gulp!

I started to feel those nerves and doubts creep up. Had I made a giant mistake? Will everyone respond this way? Is my business finished?

I took a 15 minute break to clear my head and stepped away from the computer. When I came back, I had two more email responses regarding my site. Amazingly, these two were incredibly positive. One even said something along the lines of, “you know it’s funny that you sent this now – we were just talking about doing something more ‘in your face’ like this. A third positive response came later in the day.

My nerves were calmed, my ego was assuaged, and my resolve was firmed. For better or worse, this is the path I am on.

As I expected, some people loved it, some people didn’t, and I am sure some will hate it. As I thought back over the experience, I realized there were three valuable lessons in here that tie directly into the “5 step process of improvising with anything” (you can read all about the 5 step process here, and download an MP3 on the topic here)

Lesson #1 – Polarization is Not a Bad Thing

In this context, polarization means doing something that divides people into two different camps: those who love it, and those who hate it.

As the saying goes, “You can’t please all of the people all of the time.” If you try, you’ll either end up driving yourself crazy with worry and stress or be so inconsequential that no one will notice you. Great strategy for an undercover operative. Awful strategy for a business or for anyone wanting to make a mark on the world.

Pick a lane that is true to you and go for it, even if some people are going to be left out, disappointed, or offended.

Sometimes you need to be a little divisive, not to offend, but because in order to have enough people who truly *LOVE* what you do you need to be willing to have a few people who hate it…

This ties into the improv principle of “focusing on your outcome.” Is your outcome to please everyone or to do what you love and be successful?

Lesson #2 – YOU Get the Final Word

I am big into feedback. I love to get lots of input on new business ideas and incorporate as much advice as possible. I think getting other opinions is a valuable and necessary step in ensuring that you have as many angles covered as possible.

Eventually though you are going to have to make a decision, and at that point the only thing that matters is what feels right to you. I have in the past made decisions about my business and life based on other people’s advice that deep down didn’t feel right to me, but I trusted their opinion. Those decisions never worked out for the best.

As I started to feel the defensiveness rising up on that call about my site and brand, I realized one important thing: at the end of the day, *I* like the idea, *I* like the site, and *I* feel good about it. And that’s pretty important.

Now, if everyone tells you something is an awful idea, you may want to re-consider. But if some people say it’s good and some say it’s bad, guess what? You get to be the tie-breaker.

This ties into the improv principle of “focusing on what you control and letting go of the rest.” You can control your decisions and actions, and you will be the one who has to live with them 24/7. Once you’ve gathered all the data, make the decision that feels the best to you.

Lesson #3 – Leap!

All other things being equal, and if it does not mean taking a huge un-recoverable risk, action is always better than inaction.

The one thing I get by launching the Motivational Smart Ass is feedback! I can now adjust accordingly and continue to progress. If I opted not to launch it, I would be exactly where I was three months ago.

When you take action, one of two things happens: 1) things work out well or 2) things don’t work out well, which allows you to learn and improve.

When you don’t take action, nothing happens. Things proceed as always, and you rarely get new feedback.

If you are happy with things proceeding as always, great! If not, take some action to improve or to at least learn what you can improve.

This ties into the improv principle of “saying yes, and instead of yes, but.” If you are on the fence about something, unsure of what to do, usually you are better off leaping and learning as opposed to staying paralyzed trying to figure it all out.

There you have it: three powerful ideas from one ten minute phone call.

I hope you like the new Motivational Smart Ass website and concept. If not, I respect that, but I’m not going to change it to make you happy 🙂 But most of all, I hope that when you are faced with a decision that you are unsure about that you will a) remember your outcome, b) focus on what you can control, and c) say “yes, and” and leap!