“To Thine Own Self Be True” – and Forget About the Rest!

Feedback can be a wonderful thing. But at the end of the day, the one opinion that really matters is your own. This is a concept that is popping up in my life quite a bit these days…

“The Motivational Smart Ass,” is a new site and new brand for my existing speaking business which has been around for six yars. As you might have guessed, launching this site has been an interesting experience.

For the launch, I have been emailing all of my contacts and letting them know about the new brand and blog. I am also asking for their thoughts as well as any information on people who they think might be a good fit for it. This is a slow and steady process of reaching out to about five people a day, every day.

On day one, I sent my five emails. Within 10 minutes my phone rings, and it’s one one of the people I contacted. I suddenly got nervous – is she calling to say she loves it, or to tell me how awful it is…?

Turns out it was closer to the latter. She says, “Avish, when I got your email, my first thought was, ‘what is he thinking?'”

This was not the rosy, positive, “this is the best thing since sliced bread” response I was hoping to get. But I was prepared for it.

She went on to point out how I am making fun of motivation (I’m not, but I could see people making that mistake) and how she had just attended a session on how sarcasm can be destructive and doesn’t belong in the workplace. Ding!

Before you get the wrong idea, I am not ranting at her here. I was very appreciative of the feedback, and I thought it was super cool that she picked up the phone to talk to me directly. Plus, even as she gave me the feedback she kept an open mind, said she would pass it around and get some other opinions, and would keep on thinking about it. My friends, that is the way to give feedback! (Plus, since I asked for it, her feedback wasn’t unsolicited)

When I decided to move in this direction, I knew good and well that some people would react like this – and I’m sure some will react far worse. So I was ready for this. The thing is though that this was the *first* response to the first round of emails. Was there more in store? Gulp!

I started to feel those nerves and doubts creep up. Had I made a giant mistake? Will everyone respond this way? Is my business finished?

I took a 15 minute break to clear my head and stepped away from the computer. When I came back, I had two more email responses regarding my site. Amazingly, these two were incredibly positive. One even said something along the lines of, “you know it’s funny that you sent this now – we were just talking about doing something more ‘in your face’ like this. A third positive response came later in the day.

My nerves were calmed, my ego was assuaged, and my resolve was firmed. For better or worse, this is the path I am on.

As I expected, some people loved it, some people didn’t, and I am sure some will hate it. As I thought back over the experience, I realized there were three valuable lessons in here that tie directly into the “5 step process of improvising with anything” (you can read all about the 5 step process here, and download an MP3 on the topic here)

Lesson #1 – Polarization is Not a Bad Thing

In this context, polarization means doing something that divides people into two different camps: those who love it, and those who hate it.

As the saying goes, “You can’t please all of the people all of the time.” If you try, you’ll either end up driving yourself crazy with worry and stress or be so inconsequential that no one will notice you. Great strategy for an undercover operative. Awful strategy for a business or for anyone wanting to make a mark on the world.

Pick a lane that is true to you and go for it, even if some people are going to be left out, disappointed, or offended.

Sometimes you need to be a little divisive, not to offend, but because in order to have enough people who truly *LOVE* what you do you need to be willing to have a few people who hate it…

This ties into the improv principle of “focusing on your outcome.” Is your outcome to please everyone or to do what you love and be successful?

Lesson #2 – YOU Get the Final Word

I am big into feedback. I love to get lots of input on new business ideas and incorporate as much advice as possible. I think getting other opinions is a valuable and necessary step in ensuring that you have as many angles covered as possible.

Eventually though you are going to have to make a decision, and at that point the only thing that matters is what feels right to you. I have in the past made decisions about my business and life based on other people’s advice that deep down didn’t feel right to me, but I trusted their opinion. Those decisions never worked out for the best.

As I started to feel the defensiveness rising up on that call about my site and brand, I realized one important thing: at the end of the day, *I* like the idea, *I* like the site, and *I* feel good about it. And that’s pretty important.

Now, if everyone tells you something is an awful idea, you may want to re-consider. But if some people say it’s good and some say it’s bad, guess what? You get to be the tie-breaker.

This ties into the improv principle of “focusing on what you control and letting go of the rest.” You can control your decisions and actions, and you will be the one who has to live with them 24/7. Once you’ve gathered all the data, make the decision that feels the best to you.

Lesson #3 – Leap!

All other things being equal, and if it does not mean taking a huge un-recoverable risk, action is always better than inaction.

The one thing I get by launching the Motivational Smart Ass is feedback! I can now adjust accordingly and continue to progress. If I opted not to launch it, I would be exactly where I was three months ago.

When you take action, one of two things happens: 1) things work out well or 2) things don’t work out well, which allows you to learn and improve.

When you don’t take action, nothing happens. Things proceed as always, and you rarely get new feedback.

If you are happy with things proceeding as always, great! If not, take some action to improve or to at least learn what you can improve.

This ties into the improv principle of “saying yes, and instead of yes, but.” If you are on the fence about something, unsure of what to do, usually you are better off leaping and learning as opposed to staying paralyzed trying to figure it all out.

There you have it: three powerful ideas from one ten minute phone call.

I hope you like the new Motivational Smart Ass website and concept. If not, I respect that, but I’m not going to change it to make you happy 🙂 But most of all, I hope that when you are faced with a decision that you are unsure about that you will a) remember your outcome, b) focus on what you can control, and c) say “yes, and” and leap!