Free E-Book: 7 Steps to Getting What You Really Want!

Awesome news! I just finished and released my new FREE E-Book:  Smart Ass Success! 7 Steps to Getting What You Really Want – Even If You Have No Idea What That Is!

This is an awesome 36 page downloadable PDF E-Book which is packed with content – this is not “fluffy” e-book which teases you with a bunch of good sounding info you can’t use. Oh no, not at all…

The seven steps are explained in detail, and every single one contains specific steps you can do right now to start figuring out and getting what you really want.

Download your free copy here:

Smart Ass Success! 7 Steps to Getting What You Really Want – Even If You Have No Idea What That Is!

P.S. Spread the word! Do all your friends, family, and co-workers a huge favor by letting them know about this awesome free giveaway so they can get their own copy!

 

Posted in Business Advice, Ding!, Motivation & Success | Leave a comment

5 Awesome Success Lessons From Stupid Characters in Disaster Movies

If your life was a disaster movie, which character would you be? Would you be the brave, smart, proactive hero or heroine, or would you be one of the other idiots who always seem to populate these films?

Whatever your answer, you may still be able to learn a lot from this big budget popcorn films…

For some reason, I’ve been on a disaster movie kick recently. Turns out, there isn’t really any need to watch more than one because they’re all pretty much the same movie. Bad things happen, stuff breaks, many people die, and somehow some crazy plan saves the day in the end.

Here are a few examples of famous disaster movies, old and new: The Towering Inferno, Titanic, Earthquake, Armageddon, Deep Impact, Twister, The Poseidon Adventure, 2012, Airport, War of the Worlds, Volcano, and Starflight: The Plane That Couldn’t Land (a movie I fondly remember from when I was 8 years old, which I am sure if I watched now would understand to be truly, truly awful…).

I enjoy watching these movies, but every time I do I want to yell and throw stuff at the screen because so many characters do so many stupid things.

Rather than smashing my own entertainment system (which would be a disaster in its own right) I decided to write a blog post about what we can all learn from the stupid characters in these movies.

Every disaster movie has the same stereotypical characters in it. I’ve listed the five most common below. When disaster strikes your life (DING Happens!), big or small, which character do you most resemble…?

1) The Poor Economist

Life boats? We don't need no stinkin' life boats!

The Economist likes to gamble based on risk and reward. The Poor Economist, sadly, does a very bad job of assessing those risks and rewards.

Just about every disaster movie has a Poor Economist. Rather than caring about long term consequences, the Poor Economist focuses only on short term gain.

For a disaster movie to happen, someone in charge has to care more about something superficial than about safety. In Titanic, there were not enough life boats because they would make the deck look cluttered. In the Towering Inferno, people were not evacuated because it would look bad for the party.

Usually, the issue is short term monetary gain vs. long term safety. Dumb, dumb, dumb. When you don’t keep on eye on the long term, you set yourself up for some serious failure.

Lesson: In your own life, the issue of “safety” may not be a life or death thing (I hope not!), but it’s relevant in other, more subtle ways:

  • Safety may mean saving up money for an emergency fund instead of buying the coolest looking clothes.
  • Safety may mean building a strong network of friends you support and stay in touch with, instead of just calling on them when you need something.
  • Safety may mean taking care of your health now instead of waiting for “someday.”

Choosing short term gain over long term consequences is a fast track to long term misery and suckitude.

This is not to say that it always either/or. It is possible to find paths that offer both short term benefit and long term gain.

The most successful people use their creativity to find those options. If they can’t, they are willing to suck it up in the short term to secure a great future. (for tips on how you can think quickly and be more creative, get yourself a copy of the free audio, How to Think Quick!)

2) The Arrogant Jerk

You can’t have a movie without a bad guy, and disaster movies all have the same one.

It’s not the same actor, but it’s always some dude who believes 100% that nothing can go wrong.

“Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.”

If you look at it from the Empire’s point of view, Star Wars was an epic disaster movie and Grand Moff Tarkin is the arrogant jerk who assumed nothing would go wrong.

The jerk doesn’t ignore the potential problems, he just assumes that:

  1. Nothing will go wrong
  2. If it does, everything will be all right

In the movies, the arrogant jerk always dies. Always (ok, I suppose Billy Zane in Titanic was an arrogant jerk, and he didn’t die. But he lost Kate Winslet and his super expensive diamond in the end, so that’s worse than death, right? Right??).

In real life, arrogant jerks actually do a good job of seemingly successful. They may not be, but they speak with such blustery confidence that people assume they are. Usually though, the arrogant jerk is underprepared, has no contingency plans set up, and will basically make everyone else’s life a living hell when things go wrong.

(Note: This is not to confuse arrogance with confidence. Confidence is fine. Just don’t be an Arrogant Jerk about it)

Lesson: Simple: Don’t be an Arrogant Jerk. I speak to groups about how to improvise with the unexpected and I’ll be the  first to tell you, the better prepared you are, the easier it is to improvise. Don’t assume that everything will go just fine. Be prepared for some things to go wrong, because chances are, some things will.

And when someone comes to you pointing out potential problems with your plan, don’t flip out at them. Consider what they are saying carefully. They may not always be right, but if you dismiss them out of hand you’re definitely on the road to Arrogant Jerkdom.

3) The Weakling

Believe you me, there were people who knew this Tower had the potential to become an Inferno...Oh yes, they knew...

A mainstay of disaster movies is the good hearted person who knew things were not right but chose not to voice his opinion (or who voiced it and then immediately shut up when he was told to). This person is usually overcome with so much guilt that, about halfway through the movie, they take some heroic action that saves a bunch of people’s lives. Of course, they always die in the process.

If this character had simply been stronger in their conviction early on, a lot of damage would have been prevented.

Lesson: Do the right thing. Disagreeing with others and creating conflict can be uncomfortable, but if you believe something is truly wrong that could cause huge problems, then pointing it out is the right thing to do. Besides, strong leaders will value your alternate perspective (if you deliver it correctly). If all you ever do is agree, then what do they really need you for?

4) The Ostrich

I'm sure it's just a spring breeze, it'll blow over...

Nothing ever just randomly goes wrong in a disaster movie. There are always signs in advance. And when those signs come up, there are always people who ignore them.

The Ostrich is the person who ignores the signs. The person who sticks their head in the sand and says, “ah well, everything will be fine.”

The Ostrich is different from the Arrogant Jerk in three ways:

  1. Attitude – The Ostrich is nicer about. He doesn’t yell or rant, he just….ignores.
  2. Responsibility – The Ostrich usually has no “official” capacity in the movie. It’s not his job to keep people safe. So he does nothing. Also, once the Ding hits the fan, the Ostrich once again sticks his had in the sand and takes no action.
  3. Selfishness – The Arrogant Jerk is 100% selfish. All he cares about is himself, his success, and his safety. The Ostrich cares about others. He just doesn’t do anything about it.

Lesson: Do not ignore the warning signs!! Many of the major “disasters” in our life have ample warning, we just ignore them:

  • That weird shaking in your car that has been going on for months.
  • The annoying pain you feel in your back that you plan on getting checked out “soon.”
  • The fact that you and your spouse don’t talk much anymore and seem to snap at each other with more frequency than ever before.
  • The slow decline in sales at the office that everyone says will “turn around soon.”

To avoid being the Ostrich, you must be willing to take action, both before disaster strikes and after it happens

5) The Freaker-Outer

Like Steve Buscemi shooting the gun at the end of Armageddon. Of course, Buscemi looks like he could freak out at any moment...

What would a disaster movie be without that one guy (or girl) who just loses his mind at a critical juncture and puts everyone else at risk? You know the person: just as the good guys are undertaking their daring plan to fix everything, he or she goes nuts. Maybe they freeze up and take no action. Maybe they freak out and run off, locking everyone else in behind them. Maybe they just go nuts and start attacking people.

Yes, problems stink. Yes, problems can make you stress out. But I will guarantee you that freaking out will do nothing for you other than make your problems far, far worse.

Sadly, freaking out is the default reaction of many people in a crisis. What’s even worse, they feel justified in freaking out; it’s the situation’s fault, not theirs!

Sure, it’s easy to blame the Situation, but is it really the Situations’ fault?

 

Lesson: There are two:

  1. Be good in a crisis – practice calming techniques when things are not too bad so that when the Ding really hits the fan you’ll be able to control yourself
  2. Watch out for people in your life who aren’t good in a crisis – You probably don’t have to worry about someone taking off with the last escape pod, leaving you behind to face a psychotic killer (I hope), but people who don’t handle stress well can:
    • Snap at an inopportune time
    • Make the problem worse
    • Drop the ball and ruin everyone’s chances for success

Anyone can seem calm and nice and reliable when things are fine. If they can’t do those things when things go wrong, they’re setting you up for disaster.

In Conclusion

First off, if you are looking for some good mindless entertainment, check out a disaster movie or two (be warned though, some of them take themselves too seriously and end up being kind of depressing…).

Second, as you are watching the movie and marveling at how stupid the characters are, ask yourself, “who would I be in this movie?” Would you be the hero, or one of the other dunderheads who gets themselves killed?

Third, think back to your past. When disaster has struck (big or small), how did you respond? Which character from the above list did you most resemble? Are you happy with that response?

Fourth, the next time things don’t go your way, ask yourself, “if I was in a Towering Inferno and I reacted in a similar way, would I survive to the end?” If not, change your response.

This is your chance to be the hero of your own personal disaster movie. Don’t blow it!

***
Motivational Humorist Avish ParasharDo you want help doing something great? Then sign up for some Smart Ass Mentoring now!

Posted in Business Advice, Lists, Motivation & Success | Tagged | 3 Comments

Monday Motivation: The Key to Life – Running and Reading

Have you ever wondered what the guy who saved the world from an alien invasion (more than once), would say were the keys to life?

If so, you’re in luck! I have recently come across Will Smith’s “keys to life.” They’re simple and useful, and I think you’ll get something out of them.

A little while ago Will Smith won a children’s TV award. Rather than rambling on about something stupid, Smith decided to use his platform to share his “keys of success” with the youngsters who were in attendance and watching at home.

I couldn’t find the video of the entire original acceptance speech, so here is a video that intersperses the speech with some music and a few other quotes. It’s not too long, and it is definitely motivational:

His premise is that the key to success is running and reading

Running

Smith advises kids to run not because of the physical fitness benefits (thought that would probably not be a bad thing).

Rather, he talks about the little voice that pops up in your head when you are running. The one that says, “I’m tired, I’m so hurt, there’s no way I could possibly continue.” If you can learn how to deal with that voice in your head when you are running, you will learn to not quite when things get hard in your life.

Reading

According to Smith, “there have been millions and billions and billions and gazillions of people who have lived before us.” (his numbers may not represent statistical data…) “There is no new problem you could have…that someone hasn’t already solved and written about in a book.”

Obviously, he’s talking to kids and the types of problems he is referring to involve the basic issues – parents, teachers, bullies, etc. So sure, if you’re problem is that the latest version of Windows isn’t working, maybe no one’s written about it yet. Although, at the speed with which people post online, chances are you can find an article on the internet that has the answer to your problem.

How about you?

When you dig past the motivation and inspiration, he’s really just talking about one thing: the ability to solve problems.

As I talk about in my Ding Happens! keynote speeches, anyone can do well when everything goes right. What separates people who succeed from those who fail is how well they deal with problems when they arise (and they will!)

Will Smith is right; to solve problems you need two things: the persistence to keep working until you solve them and the ability to find the answers you need.

For you, it may not be running and it may not be reading (though those are great places to start). But ask yourself, “how persistent am I? How willing am I to push through the pain and discomfort to get what I really want?” And, “How good am I at tapping into the existing knowledge in the world? How good at I am reading books, searching the web, finding and asking the right experts for help?”

Once you develop your persistence and your ability to find solutions, (i.e your “running and reading” skill) there will truly be nothing you can’t accomplish.

***
Motivational Humorist Avish ParasharNeed help increasing your persistence and finding the knowledge you need to solve your problems? Then sign up for some Smart Ass Mentoring now!

Posted in Motivation & Success | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Just for Fun: 290 Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes

Normally I like my blog posts to have a lesson, but sometimes you come across something that’s just too chock full ‘o awesomeness to not share.

If you are a fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies (and why wouldn’t you be?) and love his ridiculous lines and delivery (and why wouldn’t you?) and have ten minutes to kill (and why wouldn’t you make ten minutes for this?), then check out this video:

(Warning: if you’re watching at work, some of these do have a bit of profanity in them…)

160 Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes

Then, if you have ten more minutes to spare (and really, if you can find ten minutes to watch the first video, why wouldn’t you be able to find ten more minutes to watch this one too?):

The Other 130 Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes

Enjoy!

Posted in Just Funny | Tagged | 3 Comments

5 Unconventional Ways to Increase Your Productivity

The problem with “conventional advice” that works for 80% of all people is that there’s still 20% out there that it doesn’t work for…

If you read any self-improvement or business success blogs online, you’ve probably read a ton of articles on “how to be more productive.” If so, you’ve probably noticed something: they all basically same the same thing!

Not surprising since:

  1. The basic productivity principles are the same
  2. Those writers read all the same books and blogs, so they all have the same info.

You know the tips: set goals, shut off distractions, focus on your most important stuff first, plan your day, visualize, set goals, etc. Heck, I’m sure I’ve written posts on some of these topics.

The standard advice is great and works for most, but what if you have read it all, tried it all, but could never get it to work for you?

This is the boat I was in. I knew a ton of “productivity techniques,” but found it difficult to supercharge my productivity.

If you’ve read all those tips too and find that you are having trouble implementing them or that they don’t work for you, try the five tips below as a different way of approaching your day and life.

Everyone is different. This isn’t meant to be a “universal list.” It’s just a new way of trying things for people who the traditional productivity tips don’t work.

1) Work on Stuff that “Has to be Done,” Last

If you ever use a “to-do” list, you probably make a note of everything that “has to be done today.” These are usually things that are on a deadline or due that day.

What most of us do is work on those tasks first. They have to be done, so we may as well get them done early. That way, if other things come up during the day, we’ll at least have finished those.

Makes sense but if you’re at all like me then, once you finish those, “must be done today’ tasks, you have a tendency to slack off a bit. Your brain says, “Hey, you had a productive day already! Sure, you could so more, but don’t kill yourself. You accomplished what you needed to!”

I know, I know, that sounds incredibly lazy, right? I’m not defending it, I’m just telling it like it is. And I bet that happens to a lot of people reading this blog too.

Instead of tackling your “must get done today” tasks first thing, schedule them for later in the day. Since they have to get done, you’ll make sure you do them no matter what happens. As long as you’re procrastinating those tasks in order to work on other, less time sensitive stuff (as opposed to surfing the net or gabbing on the phone), you’ll get more done by the end of the day.

Three notes:

  1. This method may increase your stress. One reason people like to get the “musts” done early is it relaxes them. In this case, we are going to use that stress in our favor.
  2. Make sure your “musts” are truly musts. This usually means that there is an external accountability. If your “musts” don’t actually have to be done today (i.e. it’s just an internal goal that you set for yourself) then, when things get busy, it will be real easy to just push them off for a day. No, your “musts” must truly be “musts.” Something that if you don’t get done today you are royally screwed.
  3. Plan accordingly. The point of this method is not to get you fired. Even if you do your “musts” last, make sure you budget enough time to get it done (and factor in delays). You may not want to do this with the biggest stuff in your life…

2) Increase Your Commitments

Most of us have a list of stuff we’ll do “someday, when I’m not so busy.” Bah! Someday may never come. And interestingly, you might find that the more you take on, the more you get done…

Let me ask you a question: do you get more done on “free days” when you don’t have much going on, or on “crazy days,” when you have a ton of commitments, things to do, and places to go?

I always get more done on the packed days. When I have a lot to do in a little time I tend to focus, buckle down, and get stuff done. On free days I procrastinate, work without a sense of urgency, and find writer’s block appearing more often than not.

Most productivity guides will tell you to reduce your commitments down to the essentials to make room for the important stuff. I agree with that; you shouldn’t take on activities or commitments that drain you or are a waste of time. However, even though you may feel very busy now, adding a few activities that you enjoy may force you to be more productive in your “work time.”

It’s a weird concept, but stretching yourself just a bit thinner may the key to getting more done.

3) Throw Away Your Goals

I may lose my “motivational speaker” card for writing that line…

Just about every book on personal development, business success, and “living your dreams,” talks about the importance of goal setting.

They even espouse such B.S as, “Having goals is so powerful that if you write them down and don’t even look at them again you will find, at the end of a year, that you have achieved most of the things on your list,” and “A Yale study tracking the graduating class of 1953 found that the 3% graduates who set goals upon graduating, had, twenty years later, accumulated more wealth than the other 97% – combined!

(I know the first is B.S. because it hasn’t worked for me, or anyone I know. I know the second is B.S. because I like to research stuff and discovered that the study was a myth…)

I still like goals, but that’s probably because I spent the last 15 years of my life buying into the goal setting mythos. I think they’re useful, but not “all powerful.”

I’m not saying you should abandon your goals. However, if you have had the same goals for years, and year after year you keep “refocusing” on that goal, saying things like, “This year I’ll make it happen!” then let me suggest a new strategy: throw them all away and go “goalless” for a while

“But Avish, how will I get somewhere if I don’t know where I want to go?!?!”

You’ll get somewhere. Trust me. And you may get somewhere far better than your original “goal.” Besides, if you’ve had the same goals for years, they weren’t helping you get anywhere either, right?

Try it. Let go of the goals for a while, and just be. Focus on what jazzes you now, on what makes sense right now. Don’t abandon thinking about the future, but don’t obsess over your goals either.

4) Stop Planning, Start Flowing

Most productivity guides stress the importance of planning out your day; making a list of tasks and to-dos, and potentially scheduling them.

Nothing wrong with that, if it works for you. For me, I find that the best laid plans I make at 7:00AM are often abandoned by 8:00AM (whether through an external interruption or my own deviance from the plan).

It took me a while to realize that I don’t like to be locked into a rigid anything. Planning my days was leading me to either:

  1. Stop work as soon as I finished the key parts of my plan (see technique #1)
  2. Feel overwhelmed and annoyed at what I had to do. This led to procrastination.

This one goes hand-in-hand with “throwing away your goals,” because if you don’t have a fixed goal like, “I will finish writing my book by the end of this month,” you don’t have to rigidly plan out your daily activities.

Here’s what I have been doing instead, and it has been great:

  • I do start with a brain dump (on paper) of everything I could do that day.
  • Then I make a sub-list of everything that has to be done that day because of external accountabilities. This list is usually very small for me.
  • Then I get to work. Depending on my mood and the specific tasks, I work on the “musts” whenever it feels best – first thing, last thing, or right after lunch. Since I only put the true “musts” on this list, there are only ever one or two. That makes it easy to make sure they get done.
  • When I’m not doing the “musts,” I work on whatever the hell other item I feel most compelled to work on that day.

If you’ve never worked this way before, you might be screaming, “That’s crazy! You’ll never accomplish anything that way!!”

On the contrary, you just may accomplish more than you ever have before.

My theory, and what has been working for me, is that it is better to progress something than nothing. When I try to plan my do too much, I get overwhelmed and shut down. Those are my heavy procrastination days. When I don’t plan (or minimally plan), some projects don’t move forward at all. But some do, and that’s better than none.

Admittedly, this tactic will be a lot easier for small business owners and solopreneurs to implement. If you’re working for someone else than you probably have a lot more external accountability.

However, the more you can work via flow and inspiration, the less struggle you’ll feel in getting things done.

5) Stop Trying to be Productive Every Day

Yup, you read that right. Stop trying to be productive every day.

For me, this step has made the biggest impact on my productivity.

I have spent years – years – trying to build habits, discipline, systems, etc. that would allow me to wake up and be extremely productive, every single day.

Then I listened to a brief audio interview with Dan Sullivan, the Strategic Coach. He was talking about how entrepreneurs can maximize their productivity by thinking of their schedules the same way that athletes do. They have a few “game days” when they have to perform at a high level, a bunch of “buffer days” when they practice and train, and then quite a few “free days,” when they don’t work at all and just recover and rejuvenate themselves.

This was an amazing revelation for me. I like variety in my life. The thought of spending every day in the same way depressed the hell out of me.

But when I thought about spending two or three days a week being very focused and a couple of days a week just working my normal way, it felt incredibly motivating.

I’ve modified the system a little bit myself to have three types of days:

Focused Creative Days – These are the days where I shut the internet off and do my highest value activities (for me, if I’m not speaking, that means writing).

  • Buffer Days – On these days I work on lower value stuff (admin, editing, formatting, etc). I also work on some of the high value stuff, but I give myself permission to not be “super-productive.” If I want to surf and procrastinate a bit, I do, and I don’t feel guilty about it (this was an amazing relief for me, and removing that pressure really helped me let my creativity flow).
  • Free Days – These days are exactly what they sound like – completely free where I do no work at all.

It has been pretty amazing. Knowing I only have two or three massive productivity days in a week has:

  1. Made those days incredibly productive because I know I only have to do it for one day (and not forever…)
  2. Made my average “non-focused” workdays better, as I work to get things done to allow me to spend a full day just on important stuff

If you have found that you bounce between some really productive days and some “blah” days, then this technique may work really well for you.

In Conclusion

If traditional time management and productivity tips have worked for you, great! Keep doing what you’re doing.

If not, and you’re ready to try something different, give the five tips above a try. You may be surprised at how an unconventional approach can net you some very powerful results.

Motivational Humorist Avish ParasharDo you want help creating your own personal plan of awesome productivity? Then sign up for some Smart Ass Mentoring now!

Posted in Business Advice, Lists, Motivation & Success | Tagged | 4 Comments

Three Great Upcoming Events (Philly, Seattle, and Virtual)

If you would like to make your life more replete with awesomeness, then I may have something (actually, three things) that might help you!

Over the next two weeks or, I am doing three events that are open to the public. One is a Teleseminar, one is in Philadelphia, and one is in Seattle:

1) How to be a Paid Public Speaker

Learn the Secrets to Making a Solid Income as a Speaker Within Six Months

  • Friday, May 13, 1:00PM EST
  • Teleseminar (no need to leave your home/office!)

In this Teleseminar, I, along with my partners Fred Gleeck and Bill O’Hanlon share the real deal secrets on how to start and grow a speaking business. No theory. No fluff. Just lots of great, in-depth advice that you can apply immediately to accelerate your path towards being a successful professional speaker.

Click here to read more and sign up (this one is free!)


2) Selling Off Script

Getting to “Yes” with Improv Comedy

  • Wednesday, May 18th, 12:00 PM to 1:30 PM
  • Downtown Philadelphia

In this fun and interactive program, you will learn skills and build the confidence to help you get ‘off script’, get real with your prospects and get the sale. Experience the CCPA BrainTrust series as I demonstrates how to connect with your business prospects using ideas from the unpredictable world of improv comedy.

Click here to read more and sign up


3) Ding Happens!

How to Manage and Get the Most Out of Your Employees – Even When Things Go Wrong!

  • Tuesday, May 24th, 11:30-2:00PM
  • El Gaucho Steakhouse
  • Bellevue, Washington (just outside of Seattle)

In this fun, interactive, and highly informative program, you will learn how the same tools and techniques that allow an improv comedian to think quickly and create comedy on the spot can allow you to lead and manage well, even when things go wrong.

This one includes an amazing and delicious lunch!

Click here to read more and sign up

(Scroll down about a third of the way down the page)

Space is limited, so don’t delay!

 

Posted in Business Advice | Leave a comment

Monday Motivation – A Hilarious Look at Patience, Perspective, and Anger

If you’re in the mood to listen to someone hilariously ranting about stupidity, then this is your lucky day!

A friend posted this clip on Facebook a few days ago. It’s from a little while ago, but it’s still great:

In the video, comedian Louis CK rants to Conan O’Brien about how much people take things for granted nowadays. If you have four minutes, you should watch the clip. If you don’t have four minutes, you should make the time because it’s hilarious.

The premise of the rant is that, “everything is amazing right now, and no one is happy.” Even though technology makes life easier and easier, people seem to get less and less happy.

Louis’s rant is not only funny, but also has some definite food for thought we can all learn from:

Develop Some Patience

“Give it a second! It’s going to space! Can you give it a second to get back from space?”

Just a few days ago, my internet connection was acting wonky. I started to get frustrated at just how slow my Google searches were taking.

Let me repeat that. I was getting frustrated at how slow my Google searches were taking.

How ridiculous is that??

It wasn’t that long ago that to get an answer to a question you would:

  • Look it up in a giant encyclopedia
  • Call a friend who hoped knew the answer (and then call another one to verify the first one’s answer)
  • Call into a radio talk show for advice
  • Go to the library and try to use a non-keyword based “card catalog” to find a book that would have your answer.
  • Give up and ask your parents and, even though you knew with 100% certainty that they had no idea what they were talking about, just accept their answer.

Here I was, getting frustrated at a search for taking 30 seconds to return an answer, when just a few years back the same search would have taken me 1.87 years (that’s an estimate).

Technology is awesome, but it is turning people into a mass of low attention span impatient Morlocks…

The world would be a better place if we could all just learn to pause, breathe, and relax a little

Take Nothing for Granted

“You’re sitting in a chair in the sky. Here’s the thing: people say there’s delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours. That used to take thirty years to do that. And a bunch of you would die on the way there.”

We live in the most technologically advanced time in the history of the world. I know that’s not all that impressive since, barring an apocalyptic event that sets us back five hundred years, every day will be just a little bit more technologically advanced than the day before it.

Still, it’s pretty cool, and there is a ton of stuff to appreciate in the world. However, it gets a lot easier to bitch and moan when the stuff we take for granted doesn’t work.

I understand, once you get used to something you have an expectation that it will continue to work properly, and when it doesn’t, that’s a bummer.

Just remember from time to time amongst your complaining to appreciate all the amazing things you can do now that you could not do just a few years ago.

Save Your Outrage for Things that Matter

“How quickly the world owes him something he knew existed only ten second ago.”

This is my favorite part of the interview. Louis C.K. talking about a man complaining when the in-flight internet connection stops working. He didn’t have access to this ever before, and now he is pissed that he can’t access it.

You see this all the time: people getting outraged over really stupid, really inconsequential things.

There are definitely things in the world worthy of your outrage. There are probably more things that you (or people around you) get outraged about that really should be let go.

Like the boy who cried wolf, the more you express your outrage over stupid things, the less anyone will pay attention to you when you talk about something serious. And then a wolf will eat you. And then a couple of brothers will write a story about you, mocking your stupidity.

Louis C.K. is a comedian, and sure, he was ranting to get people to laugh, but that doesn’t mean there’s not some validity to what he is saying. The next time you get impatient, angry, or feel entitled, think back to his rant and remind yourself, “Everything is amazing right now…”

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Motivational Humorist Avish ParasharAre you planning an event and looking for a great speaker who will rant about stuff and then teach valuable lessons from the comedy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!
 

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How to Influence When You Have No Authority

If there is one unenviable task when it comes to communication, it is trying to get people to do what you want when you have no power or authority over them. This post will give you a few ideas about how you can deal with that…

I have done some very well received programs on “Influencing Without Authority,” including one about a month ago.

The central question the presentation addresses is, “how do I influence other people when I have no authority or power over them?” Tough question, but an important one. If you can figure that out, you can make your life a whole lot easier.

Below I outline the six techniques of Influence, along with a few tips for how you can apply them yourself.

Note #1: I did not develop these on my own. The programs I do are based on the work of Robert Cialdini and his book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. If you want more info on this topic, I highly suggest you read his book.

Note #2: The techniques below can be seen as manipulative, but that is not my intention. If you apply them with integrity and with the best intentions for the other people involved, I don’t see it as being manipulative.

Note #3: I have done this program in as short as 90 minutes and as long as a day and a half. This post is a quick, “high level outline.” There is a lot more info that goes into it, but the below should get you started.

The six techniques of influence:

Liking

In a Nutshell:

People are more likely to do what you want if they like you

The Analysis:

Doesn’t sound like an earth shattering revelation, does it? However, it is a powerful technique that often gets forgotten.

In your organization, with the people you need to influence, how much time are you spending building relationships?

It’s easy to keep your head down and just do your job and then expect people to do what you say, simply because you’re right. But things rarely work out that way.

What you can do:

Don’t be a jerk, build relationships, say Yes And instead of Yes But, and think beyond the immediate task at hand. Spending a little extra time now to build a better relationship can and will pay off huge down the road.

Reciprocity

In a Nutshell:

People are more likely to do what you want if you have done something for them.

The Analysis:

Give and take. Karma. You scratch my back, Ill scratch yours. However you like to describe it, you are probably familiar with the idea, and you know it works.

What is interesting though is just how well it works. In his book, Cialdini points out that the principle of reciprocity may lead to people doing things for you that are disproportionately greater than what you did for them.

For example, in one study two people were supposed to take a test in a room together. Before the text, one of the two (the “plant,” who was in on the experiment) left the room to get a soda. In some cases he would bring back a second can for the other person, even though the person didn’t ask for it. After the test (which was meaningless) the plant would ask the subject to buy some raffle tickets at twenty-five cents a piece. He would say, “No pressure, and the more the better.”

The study found that not only did the subjects who received the soda buy more tickets, but they bought tickets for a value far greater than the price of the soda!

Amazing. Reciprocity is a powerful, powerful thing.

What you can do:

Be more helpful. When someone comes to you for help, find ways of saying Yes And. You don’t have to drown yourself in favors for others, but try to help. Also, offer help before it’s asked for. Be a resource when you can.

At its core, this is just more relation ship building

One note: Don’t keep a tally of what you have done and who’s paid you back (and who hasn’t). Some will over-repay, some will repay equally, and some will never repay. Just enjoy the process of giving and trust in the power of reciprocity.

Social Proof

In a Nutshell:

People are more likely to do what you want if they see others doing it.

The Analysis:

You have seen this in action, maybe even without realizing it.

Consider this scenario: you are in a building when the fire alarm goes off. What do you do?

If you are like most of us, your answer was not “head immediately for the fire exit.” No, you probably do what the rest of us do – you look around and see what others are doing. “Is anybody else leaving? Not yet? Ok, then maybe I’ll hang out at my desk and wait a few minutes too.”

That’s social proof. We often take our cues from what we see others doing.

What you can do:

Pick your battles. You don’t always have to try to convert the most resistant person first. If you start with the easier people first, you start to build some social proof. When they see others going along with your ideas, they are more likely to follow your lead too.

Commitment and Consistency

In a Nutshell:

People are more likely to take actions they have previously committed to.

The Analysis:

In our society, we do not like people who are inconsistent. We call them things like hypocrites, flakes, flip-floppers, etc. As a result, most people do not want to be seen as lacking in consistency and commitment.

This is why so many of us, when we want to avoid an argument, say things like, “we’ll see,” or, “I’ll try,” or, “let me think about it,” when we actually mean “no.”

If you say, “no,” then the other person may get mad, sad, or argue with you. If you say, “yes,” you’ll feel obligated to follow through even if you don’t want to because if you don’t, you’re a flake at best and a liar at worst.

What you can do:

First, try to get commitment from people. Don’t leave a conversation without outlining your next steps and getting the other person to commit what they will do after you take those steps. It’s worth summarizing those steps and commitments and agreements in an email so there is a record of it.

Second, ask good questions and let the other person come to their own conclusions. If they come up with the idea themselves, then they are more likely to follow through on it to maintain their consistency. People are much more likely to take an action if they see it as their idea rather than something you tell them to do.

Authority

In a Nutshell:

People are more likely to do what you want if they perceive you as an authority.

The Analysis:

The key word in the description is “perceive.” Obviously, the name of the program I give is, “Influencing Without Authority.” However, just because you don’t have actual authority doesn’t mean that you can’t project it.

What you can do:

Pay attention to how you are delivering your advice and suggestions. Many people have a tendency to “soften” their suggestions or weaken their position by adding unnecessary words or speaking meekly. Here are a few things:

  • Remove softeners and disclaimers. After you make your recommendation, don’t immediately follow it up with, “but, if that doesn’t work for you I can figure something else out” (or some similar phrase which indicates you are willing to change you idea).
  • Speak with confidence. Your tone of voice (and body language, if you are in person) will have a huge impact on how your confidence and authority is perceived. Speak slower, make eye contact, and let confidence come through your words.
  • Remove filler words. Every “ah,” “um” “like,” or “you know” makes you sound less confident. Practice eliminating the fillers and you will develop more authority.
  • Get comfortable in silence. Most people do not like silence. If you can make your suggestion and then shut your mouth, you will be perceived as very confident and powerful. A little silence goes a long way.

Also, go after small wins. Let people see the successes you are having in other areas. This will make them see you as more capable, and that will increase your perceived authority.

Scarcity

In a Nutshell:

People are more likely to do what you say if they feel they might miss out if they don’t.

The Analysis:

You see this one all the time. Stores screaming about their, “limited supply!” Even if you know it’s not true, even if you are 100% sure that they have hundreds of these items in stock, you still feel a sense of urgency about the item, don’t you?

Scarcity is very powerful. Around the holidays, there is always some “hot toy” that everyone is clamoring to buy, and every store always seems sold out. People always wonder why the manufacturers don’t produce greater quantities. It’s for one (or a combination) of three reasons:

  1. Production Limitations. If a company has already manufactured a million copies of a product, they’re not going to sit on them for a month while they wait for the next million to be produced. They’ll ship off and sell the first batch while the second batch is made.
  2. Pricing. If they produce an amount slightly lower than demand, they’ll create a buzz that allows them to keep their prices high.
  3. Double Sales. This is an interesting one, and it’s straight out of Cialdini’s book. The theory is that if there is a hot toy that your child really wants, you will hunt all over to get it. If you are unable to get it, you will still buy your kid something for a present. However, there is a good chance that after Christmas the kid will still want it (especially if you promised you would get it). In fact, he’ll probably want it more because he didn’t get it in the first place. So what do you do? The first week or two of January, after inventory has been replenished, you go out and but it for him. Boom! You have just bought two gifts instead of one.

What you can do:

When presenting your case to someone, try make them understand what they might miss out on if they don’t do what you say. Don’t lie or overhype the situation, but give them an honest assessment of the consequences of not following your advice.

Some people are unwilling to face the harsh realities of their situation. They’ll focus on what they can get if they do what they want, but they might ignore what they might miss out by not following your advice. Just make sure they fully appreciate both what they might gain and what they might lose based on your suggestions.

In Conclusion

Influencing Without Authority is a pretty big topic, and it will take some practice. However, once you get adept with even just some of the techniques, you will find your ability to get people to follow your advice and suggestions greatly increasing. If you use these tools truly with the best interest of the other person in mind, then that’s not manipulation. That’s just good business.

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Motivational Humorist Avish ParasharWould you like to bring Avish’s “Influencing Without Authority” workshop to your team or organization? Then contact him now!
 

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A Game of Morons: The Importance of Picking Your Battles

Have you ever gotten really mad over something really stupid, and then did something you really regretted?

If so, don’t feel too bad. There are people making far, far worse decisions about far, far more inconsequential things…

For example, I came across a story recently about a man who was arrested for throwing his cousin out of a window.

What prompted this altercation? What could make one man throw another through a window? Where they arguing over the love of a woman? Debating the geo-political ramifications of oil and religion in the Middle East? Fighting for control of a detonator for a thermo-nuclear device?

No. No, no, no. These two were not arguing about anything so passive, so simple, so banal. They were arguing over something that truly mattered:

I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now (how could you not? It’s so obvious). They were arguing over which characters on a fantasy TV show were going to win a battle.

Wait, what?!?

Yes, these two scholars were fans of the HBO TV show, Game of Thrones.

Read it for yourself:

Man Throws Cousin Through Window Debating ‘Game of Thrones’

Game of Thrones is an HBO show based on a fantasy novel series. I’ve read it (I’m guessing our two violent blockheads haven’t – they probably wouldn’t know what a book was if one came flying out a window and hit them in them head), and while I would say it’s good, I can’t say that I think it’s so good that it would ever prompt me to hurl my cousin (or any other family member for that matter) through a window.

 

Of course, I’ve only read the first two books so far (they’re up to five, and the finished series will have seven or so), so who knows? Maybe book four is so well written it motivates its readers to commit familial defenestration.

I think that should be the new rating system for books. Screw this “out of five stars” thing. Let’s rate books on a “potential to cause violence” scale.

This would make book reviews so much more entertaining. “The book was pretty good, but I can’t say it made me want to throw my cousin through a window,” or, “wow! A book so good, you’ll find yourself whacking your neighbor in the head with a garden gnome after you read it!” Who wouldn’t want that?

But I digress…

So we have Tweedledum and Tweedledee arguing over fictional characters in a fantasy world, and the argument gets so heated that they get into a fight. During the course of the fight, one throws the other through a window while yelling “Tyrion Lannister in the face, beyatch!”

(Ok, I’ll admit it, I added that last part…).

What can we learn from this? First off, we can learn to never watch Game of Thrones with morons.

Beyond that, I think there are three lessons we can all takeaway from this story:

Develop Impulse Control

The more speaking I do and the more blog posts and books I write, the more convinced I become of the importance of impulse control

What is impulse control? Here’s a good definition from TheFreeDictionary.com:

Psychology The degree to which a person can control the desire for immediate gratification or other; IC may be the single most important indicator of a person’s future adaptation in terms of number of friends, school performance and future employment

I honestly believe that if we, adults and children alike, could learn to control our immediate reflexive responses, the world would be a better place.

This is one of the main points of my keynote speeches – how to make better choices reflexively, in the moment; choices that reduce stress and keep you on track, even when things go wrong. Such a simple thing, but so important.

Anyone who lets an argument about a TV show escalate to physical violence clearly lacks impulse control.

While I am sure that you are smart enough to not get into a physical alteration over television, I would bet that there are times when high emotions take over and you make bad choices and take less than ideal actions.

Impulse control isn’t easy; it takes conscious practice to get better at it. But the better you do it, the lower your stress levels will be, the better your relationships will be, and you will make better and faster progress towards all your goals.

Pick Your Battles

Let me repeat the critical point of this story: One man threw another man through a window because they were arguing over which character would win a battle on a fantasy TV show.

If that doesn’t make you think that some people need to learn some perspective, I can do nothing for you.

Pick your battles, people. Not every discussion needs to be entered into. Not every argument needs to be won. Just because you got into a conflict doesn’t mean you can’t get out of it, even if you will appear to be “losing.”

So yes, if someone is unfairly accusing you of sexual harassment, then fight to the bitter end to defend your job, name, and honor. But if you’re a “Kirk” guy and you come across a rabid “Picard,” guy, feel free to walk away from that before it comes to fisticuffs (now, if you come across a rabid “Janeway” guy, you may be justified in resorting to violence. I’m just saying…)

Nip Things in the Bud

In most situations, people don’t instantaneously switch from totally calm to violently outraged (not even these two Mensa graduates).  Things progress one step at a time with the argument getting more and more heated as it goes, until the only option left is to throw a person through a window.

At any point during the discussion, either person could have said, “ok, let’s just agree to disagree.” They could have continued finished watching Game of Thrones and then gone on to argue over other Earth-shattering topics, like who would win in a fight, Thor or the Hulk (Thor) or which Lord of the Rings character was the most “badass” (Aragorn).

Now I realize that neither of these two Bozos would have the maturity and self control to make such a statement. But how about you? How often do you start off in a minor disagreement that slowly escalates until, by the end, you are in a full blown war? In those situations, wouldn’t you say that you had moments where you though to yourself, “hmm, this is getting a bit out of hand?”

Whether your arguing with family, friends, work colleagues, supervisors, or a significant other, your ability to look just a few steps ahead, realize things are headed in a bad direction, and nip the argument in the bud by simply walking away will allow you to live much happier, healthier, and wealthier life.

In Conclusion

A little thought, foresight, and impulse control go a long way. While I am sure you would never throw someone through a window over an argument about a TV show, I hope you can learn a few things from the two dunderheads who did. Life is too short to get worked up and out of control over stupid things. Pick your battles, exert a little control, and be willing to walk away.

And the next time you feel an argument starting to get just a little out of hand, picture a 23 year old idiot throwing his cousing out a window while yelling, “Tyrion Lannister  in the face, beyatch!”

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Improvise to Success!Want to book that would rank high on the “potential to cause violence scale”? Then check out Avish’s “Improvise to Success” – now available on Amazon!

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Monday Motivation: Always Care About What People Feel, Never About What They Think

This past weekend, I heard my friend talking about his grandmother (after whom he had named his new daughter). He described her as an amazing woman of great character and strength. One of the lines he used to describe her stood out to me: “She always cared about how people felt, but never about what they thought.”

Awesome.

As you set out on your path to figure out what you want and then go get it (you are setting out on that path, right?), this is a pretty good mantra to adopt.

Care about how people feel, but never about what they think.

Let’s take a look at what exactly that means:

Care About How People Feel…

Caring about how people feel isn’t all that hard, but so many people, intentionally or not, seem to mess this up.

There are a lot of reasons to not hurt others’ feelings: To influence people, build relationships, create good karma, get some quid pro quo, or just to be a nice, mature, responsible person who can look at himself in the mirror everyday, to name a few.

The strategy is simple: before you say or do something, take 2 seconds to think about how others might feel about what you are about to do or say. If you think it will hurt their feelings, then reconsider your actions.

HOWEVER – This isn’t to say you never take that potentially hurtful action. It just means that you at least consider the impact of your actions before you do. Don’t make yourself responsible for other people’s happiness. Remember that some people will be offended or have their feelings hurt by anything and everything. They may also happen to be going through something completely unrelated to you that sets them off. If you can look back and honestly say you were honest, polite, and considerate, then let go of any guilt if they choose to get upset.

…But Never About What They Think

If I had to pick one thing that held people back from going after what they truly want, I would say it was self-doubt. If I had to pick a second, though, I would say it was being too concerned with what others thought about them.

Lots of people resist taking action because they think others (friends, coworkers, family members, or even complete strangers) will disapprove, mock, criticize, or just flat out not approve.

That’s crazy. A lot of people got a lot of issues and a lot of baggage. You can’t control what they think. You can’t even know what they think. Half the time you believe someone is thinking one way about you and you turn out to be 100% wrong.

The sooner you learn to not care what others think and start making decisions based on what’s best for you, the sooner your life gets a whole lot easier.

HOWEVER – Don’t completely ignore other people’s opinions and advice. Don’t buy into it 100%, but don’t ignore it 100% either. If people are telling you your idea is stupid and crazy, consider what they are saying. If, after an honest assessment, you are convinced that you are still doing the right thing, then proceed without caring if they think you are stupid, crazy, or an idiot for not following their advice.

Like a great deal of advice, this one is easy to conceptualize but hard to implement. But just because it’s hard, and just because you might fail at first (i.e. you find yourself running roughshod over others or you obsess over what they think) don’t give up! With a little practice, you’ll get it. And when you do, I promise you, you’ll be happier, less stressed, and more successful than you ever were before.

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Motivational Humorist Avish ParasharAre you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!

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