How Will YOU Be Remembered?

Posted on June 26, 2009 by Avish

Yesterday the entertainment world, and frankly the entire world was rocked by the deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

billie-jean-jackson_lI am not going to comment about their careers or legacies (there are going to be plenty of websites, radio programs, and TV shows doing that). I am also certainly not going to mock either of them (decisions like that are how I keep the “smart” in “Smart Ass”)

Of course Michael’s death has been dominating the news. What has been interesting is the media coverage. When Farrah Fawcett is talked about, the coverage is universally positive: talking about Charlie’s Angels, her continued acting work, the iconic poster, and what would be the most copied hair-style in the world until Jennifer Aniston would come along.

Michael’s has been more mixed. While the vast majority of coverage has been focusing on and celebrating his amazing music career, some focus has been on the controversy in his later life, especially the legal issues and various “little kid” allegations. I have seen some downright vitriolic comments in my Twitter and Facebook feeds.

This made me curious. When a person passes, we normally focus as much as possible on the positive. But Michael Jackson had such highs and lows, that the response has been more mixed.

I have come across three theories that explain what we remember and why. These ideas can be used very effectively in speaking, but are also worth looking at in terms or the impressions we make and the legacies we leave.

The Rule of Primacy

We most remember what we experience first.

jackson5This is why speakers like to have “big openings.” Your first experience with something is going to stick out in your mind.

Michael Jackson certainly had an incredibly positive beginning. The Jackson 5, Off the Wall, and of course, “Thriller,” which is the best selling album of all time. Michael really was on top of the world for quite a while, and that is many of our first experiences with him (my intro to MJ was seeing the video for “Beat It” from Thriller on “Friday Night Videos.” I thought it was a female singer…)

First Impressions are critically important, whether on stage, in an interview, at a networking event, on a date, or when launching a product.

Question: What kind of first impression do you make? What kinds of first impressions have you made in the past? What can you do to continually create a better first impression?

The Rule of Recency

We most remember what we experience last.

michael-jackson_courtThe big finish. The lasting memory. This is why speakers work hard on a big close and musicians play their biggest song last. People remember the last thing they experience.

Sadly for Michael, the recent stuff has not been positive. Lots of weirdness, meltdowns, court appearances, and of course all the pedophilia allegations. He was planning a giant concert tour which would have created a new “last impression,” but didn’t get to it.

We all know people who start with a bang and end with a whimper. They feel that they can coast on past work, but unfortunately, the world will remember the very last thing you did. “You are only as good as your last success.”

This is why even if you have an amazing date, if you go in for that goodnight kiss and get rejected it wipes out all the good vibes you’ve built up. Not that this is ever happened to me…

Question: What kind of last impression are you leaving? What can you do to ensure that the last thing people will remember will be positive?

The Rule of Peak Experience

We most remember what we experience the strongest.

No matter when it occurs, whatever happens to you while you are in a peak state, positive or negative, you’ll remember. If you’re speaking to a group, they will remember the biggest laugh, most moving story, or most profound thing you say. They may completely forget the rest, but they’ll remember the peak things.

In my opinion, this is where the Michael Jackson divide comes from now. Many people’s strongest memories of Michael Jackson are of his music, or a childhood memory of putting together a dance routine to Billie Jean. Not that I ever did that…

For others, the strongest emotion they associate to Michael revolve around the pedophilia allegations. These are the people who are not celebrating his career and music right now.

Don’t underestimate the power of the peak experience. You can have a very nice interaction with someone and get along great, but if you make one comment that they take the wrong way it can completely destroy the relationship.

I’ve also had the reverse experience: hanging with someone who’s pretty quiet and not making much of an impression and then they say one thing that makes me laugh hysterically. From then on, that’s what I remember.

Question: What is the strongest impression you are leaving people with? Is it positive of negative? What can you do to make certain that you are leaving a strong positive impression on people?

No one likes to think about their own mortality. But days like this are a good time to take a second to reflect: how will you be remembered, and how do you want to be remembered? If they’re not the same, do something about it now!

Posted in Business Advice, Motivation & Success, Talk Gooder | 3 Comments

Is Your Politeness “Automatic?”

Posted on June 25, 2009 by Avish

Photo by orijinal

Photo by orijinal

Anyone can be polite and nice when things are all going great. They real trick is being polite no matter what, and the only way to do that is to make politeness and “automatic response.”

This past weekend I was visiting a friend who lives in an apartment building. I get on the elevator and push the button for my floor. Just as the doors begin to close, I hear a rather sharp, semi-high pitched voice call out, “hold the elevator!”

Note: What did I not hear? “Hold the elevator, please.” Or, “Could you please hold the elevator.” Heck, I would have taken, “Hold the please elevator.” Sure, it makes no grammatical sense, but at least it would have been an attempt at politeness.

I of course reach down and push the “open” button which, unsurprisingly, makes the doors open. A young woman walks on the elevator, avoids any and all eye contact, turns to face front, and pushes the button for her floor.

Note: What did she not do? Offer even the hint of a “thank you.” She didn’t say it. She didn’t mumble it. She didn’t even give me that half-hearted semi-nod and smile we all know to mean, “thanks.” Nope. Nothing.

What.

The.

Heck.

No “please.” No “thank you.” What is this world coming to?

Perhaps she was preoccupied. Perhaps she was having a bad day. Perhaps she avoids talking to all men on elevators because she is afraid they will all start hitting on her (though the story in my head goes that she was so overwhelmed with my awesome attractiveness that she was too flustered to talk. Yeah, that’s what it was). Or perhaps she just is not a person who says “thank you” automatically when someone does something nice for her.

Sadly, I think a lot of people fall into this final category. They just don’t have basic polite responses wired into them so they often forget the little things.

In this example there was no real consequence to her not having basic politeness. But how about in business. How about in your business or company?

Do you and your people automatically maintain great levels of politeness and courtesy? Before you answer with a super quick, “of course!” take a second and think about it. Then pay attention for a day or two to the people you interact with at various places of business. While there are plenty of people who are courteous, polite, and helpful, you are sure to see examples of people being rude, impolite, and thoughtless.

Maybe those people were having a bad day or were preoccupied. But can your organization afford to deal with the consequences of your people having an “off day?”

Is this what your customer service looks like? (photo by Orin Optiglot's)

Is this what your customer service looks like? (photo by Orin Optiglot's)


The Lesson: Make the polite response “automatic” (i.e. not something people think about doing and not something they remember from a script). Then even when a person has a bad day they will still deliver a great experience.

And the next time you ask someone to hold the elevator for you, say “thank, you.” ‘Cause the next time someone asks me to hold the elevator for them and doesn’t, I’m shovin’ them off before the doors close!

Posted in Business Advice | Tagged | 4 Comments

The Benefits of Lightening Up At Work

Posted on June 24, 2009 by Avish

Below is a video clip of Adrian Gostick, co-author of “The Levity Effect,” being interview by Erin Burnett on CNBC.

I haven’t read the book (yet), but the short video points out examples of companies and research that show how when people have more fun at work they make more money and are more productive, and the companies are more profitable.

Check it out:

Interesting stuff. I will review the book as soon as I read it.

By the way, I don’t think I need to point out the fact that my speaking and workshops can absolutely help with this. If you think your company could use a little “profitability and productivity through humor” send your people to this site and have them check out the video clips and speaking topics.

Then contact me so we can talk about bringing a little Smart Ass fun to your organization!

Posted in Business Advice | 1 Comment

Simple Rule When Asking For a Favor: Don’t Be a Dumbass

Posted on June 23, 2009 by Avish

Photo by Mild Mannered Photographer

Photo by Mild Mannered Photographer

There are few better ways to damage a professional relationship than to ask for a favor and then screw over the person doing you the favor. And yet, like all things so stupid you would say, “that would never happen,” it sadly does…

Every year around May or June, the big Wizards Convention comes to Philadelphia. This is an awesomely nerdy comic book type convention, and it is a sight to behold. (Yes, I went this year. Yes, I bought stuff. No, I am not going to tell you what I bought…)

The convention covers much more than comics – games, role-playing, sci-fi, and video games.

As part of the video game coverage, the convention were going to have a panel discussion about the video game industry. About a month before the event, the original speakers dropped out. The guy organizing the event (let’s call him Frank) needs to find a replacement program, so Frank calls his friend Mike who has a business writing music for video games. As a favor to Frank, Mike agrees to a) be on a panel on “Breaking Into the Industry” b) run the panel and c) pull from his contacts to fill the rest of the panel. Frank is very appreciative. For now.

Mike does what he is supposed to and puts the panel together and sends Frank a write up for the program and website a week later. Sounds fine right? This is where things start to fall apart…

The week of the event, Mike checks the website. Not only is his write-up not listed, but they actually still have the old description up! You know, the one from the guys who dropped out a month ago. Perhaps there is a marketing stratagem here that I am missing, but to me this sounds like pure dumbassery.

Mike emails Frank about this, saying, “hey, if you actually want people to attend, you need to update the site.” Nothing helpful comes of this.

The morning of the panel, Mike checks the website again – surprise surprise! Still the old info. So anyone who went to the website would have no idea that this panel was even going on.

Hmm, maybe this isn’t such a big deal because comic book fans and people interested in the video game industry aren’t all that tech savvy and likely to be online checking out the event they are attending, right? Right??

Well, there’s always the on-site program guide…

Mike gets to the event and checks the program and sure enough – still the old info! So it appears that unless attendees had phenomenal psychic abilities, no one would even know this panel was going on! This is a comic convention, so I suppose the chance that a psychic was actually there was higher than at, say, the American Etymologists Association Convention, but still, it’s a pretty slim chance.

But wait! It gets better…

Mike gets to the room where his session is being held. Normally break out rooms at conventions have nicely printed signage so people know what the sessions all about. You think they had that for his room? Nope! Instead, they had a piece of paper taped to the door with the name of the session.

But wait! It gets better…

Here’s what the sign said: “Braking Into the Industry”

Read that again. That’s not my typo, that’s what it said. “Braking.” “BRAKING!”

So you not only don’t post the info on the website, you don’t add the info to the program, you don’t print out a sign, but to top it all off you MISSPELL the word “Breaking??” So a casual passer-by would think this is what – a session on how to slow down your progress as you enter the video game industry?

Dumbass.

Yup, no one attended (Photo by span)

Yup, no one attended (Photo by span)

Suffice it to say, no one – that’s right, no one – attended the session.

But wait! It gets better…

At this point, Mike has had enough so he asks for Frank. One or two minions later, Frank appears, and Mike lets him know all the ways he drops the ball.

What do you think Frank does? That’s right, he makes excuses! “Well, attendance has been low,” and “things have been really busy.” No apologies, no ownership, and no, “ok, here’s what we’re going to do.” Just excuses.

Guess who dropped to the bottom of Mike’s “people I will do things for and recommend” list…

The lessons:

Lesson #1 – Don’t Screw Over the People Who Are Doing You a Favor!

The most egregious thing here is that Mike was doing Frank a favor. He called up Mike when he needed something after the first speakers dropped. Mike agreed to help him out, put the panel together, and donate his time both in advance and on that day. On top of that, Mike was reaching out to his contacts, which means he was putting his reputation out there.

It’s pretty apparent that once Mike said “ok,” Frank stopped thinking about him. To Frank it was just one item he could cross off his “to-do” list. Sadly, I have seen this happen before far too often. When someone needs something from you they are responsive, communicative, and eager. Once you agree to give them what they want, they disappear. I don’t think they are malicious people, I just think they are dumbasses who lose sight of the big picture and forget about the people who have helped them succeed.

Don’t be that guy! If someone does you a favor, don’t ignore, neglect, or forget them. Do what you can to make them feel it was more than worth their while to help you out. Go out of your way to do everything you can to help them succeed as they help you.

Lesson #2 – Say Yes And!

Ding Happens. People know this. While people would prefer it didn’t, when it doesn, they just want someone to step up, take responsibility, and say, “here’s what we’re going to do.” That didn’t happen here. What did happen is the one thing no one wants or cares about when Ding Happens: excuses. Valid or not, no one cares about your excuses.

In improv comedy, this is the principle of “yes, and.” Resist the urge to say, “yes, but” (“yes, but this was not my fault because X,Y, & Z happened”) and instead say, “yes, and” (“yes this happened, and here’s the next step.”). It’s the simplest principle in the world, but so few people do it!

This shouldn’t be all that complicated: if you ask someone for a favor, be respectful, look out for their best interests, and maintain an attitude of appreciation. If something goes wrong, take responsibility and fix it. And for the love of God, learn how to spell “breaking.”

Posted in Business Advice, Motivation & Success | 3 Comments

New BlogCast: Awful Movies and Target Marketing

Posted on June 22, 2009 by Avish

Here’s a new MP3 for you:

Awful Movies and Target Marketing

“Epic Movie” is a truly awful movie made by the same people as Scary Movie and Date Movie. Awful, awful, awful. So bad I couldn’t watch the whole thing, even while fast forwarding through it.

However, these movies keep getting made, they keep making money, and they somehow manage to get an occasional positive review. It may only be one positive review out of 50, but it still happens. And therein lies a lesson for us all…

Check it out:

Awful Movies and Target Marketing

Posted in Audio, Business Advice | Leave a comment

Dumbass Indian Guy Uses Spray Tan to Make His Girlfriend Look Indian!

Posted on June 19, 2009 by Avish

No, he doesn't look Indian either

No, he doesn't look Indian either

Here’s a story that clearly comes from the “Dumb Ass” file…

Sunset Tans is a reality show on E! about a tanning salon called, not surprisingly, “Sunset Tans.”

Someone passed along a clip of an Indian dude, “Sanjay,” who was dating a white woman and was going to introduce her to his parents. Since his parents were very traditional and conservative, he wanted to “Indian her up” so to speak. And what better way to Indian up a non-Indian than by getting her a spray-on tan…

Watch the clip on Hulu

It’s not clear whether he wants to pass her off as an Indian girl or just make her “less white” to be more acceptable. But does it matter? Let’s see…

Pass her off as Indian – Really? Really?? Is there anyone who looked at Mary post-tan and said, “yes, here is a girl who clearly grew up in Mumbai and enjoys curry and Bollywood films?” No! She looks like an over-tanned white woman. That’s it.

No one, Indian or Non-Indian, would ever consider for a second that that tanned woman was Indian – wether she was wearing a sari or not! (please, for the love of God tell me that you did not look at her and say, “hmm, yeah, I could see that working.” If so, please unsubscribe yourself from my blog immediately…)

Now I don’t know Sanjay’s parents. But since he just said, “they are conservative,” and not, “they are conservative, half-blind, and idiots,” I’m guessing they wouldn’t fall for it…

Make her “less white” – Good lord I don’t even know where to start on this one. I have met conservative people of all backgrounds who would prefer their children to marry “within race.” I have never – and I mean never – met any who would say, “well, she’s not Indian, but at least she’s tan”

You know, my Chinese friend Kendall is marrying a white woman. I am pretty sure that the day he introduced her to his parents he didn’t say to her, “you know, if you squint through dinner my parents may find you more acceptable.” That’s probably because he, unlike Sanjay, is not a dumb ass.

The Lesson: I’m all for creativity and coming up with alternative solutions. But generating solutions is only the first step. Once you’ve created a giant list of solutions, it does help to think for even half a second about which solutions may actually work, and what the long term ramifications of those solutions are.

Of course, this was in L.A. and they went to a tanning saloon that was being filmed, so maybe they thought this could be their “big break.” But that just open a whole new can of dumb ass…

By the way, this does bring to mind the Seinfeld episode where Kramer falls asleep on a tanning bed before meeting his black girlfriend’s parents:

In my mind, that’s how the “Mary meets Sanjay’s parents” evening ended up going.

Posted in Just Funny, Motivation & Success | 2 Comments

Expert Agrees with the Smart Ass: Society Beats Creativity Out Of Us

Posted on June 18, 2009 by Avish

A week or two ago I posted on How School Tried to Beat the Creativity Out of Me.

If you have seen me speak (and if you haven’t, you can watch some video clips here) you probably know that I believe that all people are creative. Everyone starts out creative, but most people learn to suppress and ignore their creativity in order to stay in line, not stand out, and not get in trouble.

I was recently watching some of the speeches from the TED Conference, and I came across an awesome one by Ken Robinson. The title is Schools Kill Creativity. It’s funny, thought provoking, and has some great examples (plus, it reinforces my point!).

When you have 20 minutes, check it out. Be warned: once you get onto the TED site you can waste a lot of time bouncing from speech to speech!

P.S. Want a free resource to help you develop your creativity and think quick? Check out my site, How to Think Quick! and get a free 1 hour MP3 on the topic!

Posted in Motivation & Success | Leave a comment

The “Official Launch” of The Motivational Smart Ass!

Posted on June 17, 2009 by Avish

Though the Motivational Smart Ass has been “live” for about three weeks now, I haven’t officially launched it – until now!

To celebrate the launch, I am offering some FREE stuff as well as some big discounts on my speaking and products:
Check out the page here

Here’s what you’ll find on that page:

  • Two free MP3s:
    • The Step by Step Process to Improvising With Anything!
    • Awesome Sales with Improv Comedy (fun interview with Kirstin Carey)
  • A way to have me speak at your event for a big discount!
  • A big discount on this November’s “Speaking School”!
  • How to “lock-in” my current speaking fee – which is going up!
  • 50% off two of my top products!

Motivational Smart Ass Launch Page

Please visit the page, grab the MP3s, and take advantage of the great offers (they are only for a short time).

Share the Love!

On that page is some info on how you can help spread the word of this site (you probably know a bunch of people that would enjoy it too!). I am copying that info here:

1) Email your friends – Send an email to all your friends letting them know about this offer and also the new website. You know that list of people you forward funny images and emails to? Send them a link to this site.Here, I’ll make it easy for you. Just cut and paste this into your email:

“I just checked out this cool new website: http://www.MotivationalSmartAss.com. It’s got a very funny blog, and, for a limited time they’re giving away some cool stuff here: http://motivationalsmartass.com/index.php/site-launch/ Check it out!”

(do it soon, a lot of these freebies and discounts expire soon…)

2) Facebook – Post the link for this page to your Facebook account. If you don’t know how, just click this link

3) Twitter – Link to this page on Twitter. I’ve even pre-shortened the url for you: http://bit.ly/MYlmt (also, follow my Twitter feed: avishp)

4) Your own list – If you have your own e-list, send them a link to this page letting them know about these fabulous free downloads which will only last a few days.

5) Subscribe – Subscribe to the RSS feed

Thanks – and remember to check out the launch page!

Posted in Motivation & Success | 2 Comments

“What’s Funny?”

Posted on June 17, 2009 by Avish

My nephew is almost two years old, and I gotta tell ya’, this is one cute kid. A little while ago, my mom developed a little game with him that we can all learn from.

The game is real simple: My mom says, “Jay, what’s funny?” and Jay starts laughing.

That’s it. Doesn’t take much when you’re not even two.

It doesn’t matter what the kid is doing. He can just be sitting there, or staring intently at a Cheerio he is trying to eat, or trying to get his hands on something he should not be touching. When my mom asks, “Jay, what’s funny?” he smiles and laughs.

Now that is a lesson all of us grown ups can learn from. There’s no joke, no funny content, no witty observation. Just ask him what’s funny, and his mind provides the answer.

I dare you to spend a day just asking adults (who aren’t already laughing) this question. You will most likely get two responses:

1) Self Conscious Confusion

“Huh? Why? Do I look funny? Is there something in my teeth? Why do you ask? was I laughing? What’s wrong with me?!?” (Note: If you want to continue to mess with them, don’t say anything back; just shrug your shoulders and walk away. They will be self-conscious all day…)

2) Anger
“What? Nothing’s funny. What’s wrong with you? Why do you think I am thinking of something funny? These times are too serious for that!” (You can have some fun here too if you just shrug and walk away, but just be careful that the person is not so angry that they throw a stapler at the back of your head)

It’s sad really. We all know that funny external stuff will make us laugh. But why rely on that stuff alone? Why not make up your own “funny” as you go along?

It’s possible that Jay had just conditioned himself to laugh when he heard “what’s funny?” and that his mind wasn’t really supplying him with answers. But here’s a little “insider secret”: Comedians, people who are quick witted and naturally funny, ask themselves this question all the time. They may not even know it consciously, but they process everything that happens to and around them by asking “what’s funny about this?”

The Lesson: Carry your own humor around with you. Frequently ask yourself “what’s funny?” Even when things are going wrong – heck especially when things are going wrong – ask it. Pretty soon you’ll be cracking yourself up – and feeling much better for doing it!

Posted in Motivation & Success | 3 Comments

The Curious Tale of the Unprepared Delivery Dude…

Posted on June 16, 2009 by Avish

Photo by borman818

Photo by borman818

I love improvisation. I teach improvisation. I continue to study improvisation. And yet, sometimes, I have to step back and say, “you know, a little pre-planning can go a long way…”

I previously wrote about an Indian restaurant I liked but that I stopped going to because the manager’s attempt to give me good customer service kinda skeeved me out. Well this weekend I was craving some Chicken Tikka Masala and wasn’t in the mood for any skeevage, so I just called it in for delivery.

The total bill, with tax and tip, was going to be $30 (I told you in the last post it was a bit expensive – plus, I like variety and this lets me spread it over 3 meals). I had two twenties. In my world, this means I was all set to get my food.

The delivery guy arrives (over an hour later, so I was already not super excited), hands me the food and tells me the total. I think I am making things nice and simple by handing him my two twenties and saying, “can I get $10 back please?”

Before I continue, I ask you, have I described anything in this story that in any way makes you believe that I misplanned? Should I have expected this to be a problem?

The guy looks at me and says, “I don’t have any cash.”

What?!

Maybe this was a ploy, and he was gunning for a $10+ tip, hoping that I would cave in and just say, “oh, ok, keep the change.” But I don’t think it was a ploy because when I looked at him and said, “I only have two twenties,” he just looked at me and shrugged (clearly, this was a man of action).

I’ll admit, I have never had a job delivering food, but I have ordered a lot of food n my life, and I have never had someone show up with NO CASH AT ALL on him.

I took two lessons away from this story:

Lesson #1: Preparation counts!

A big focus of what I speak on is how to improvise. This doesn’t mean you just wing it and say, “preparation, schmeperation. Whatever!” Planning is important. Being prepared to easily and effectively accomplish the tasks you set out before you is critical. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that your ability to improvise means you can ignore prep. This applies to anything: work, vacations, events, presentations, etc.

Lesson #2: Be Prepared to Be Unprepared!

This is not nearly the contradiction it sounds like. It just means that if you find yourself in a situation where for whatever reason you are unprepared, at least be mentally ready for dealing with the consequences. For example, if you are en route to a presentation and, when you’re halfway there, you realize that you have forgotten your handouts. You have two options: you can go back and get the handouts, which will make you late, or continue on without them. If you decide to go back, realize you will have to deal with being late. If you proceed without them, realize that you may have to adjust your presentation.

So if you you are on the way to deliver food and you have no cash – perhaps on the delivery before the person paid with a $100 bill and you used up all your change (I don’t know, I’m trying…) – at least take a second to consider the situation where the next customer may not have exact change on them so that when they ask for change you don’t just look at them and shrug.

Oh, and the end result of this story? After double checking with him – yes, I realize the futile stupidity of looking at a person and saying, “you really have no money?” – I offer up,”why don’t I call the restaurant and just pay them with a card over the phone?” This seems like a splendid idea to him, and after calling the restaurant to confirm that this is ok, he rides off into the sunset.

To answer the two questions you inevitably have right now: 1) Yes, I did actually call the restaurant and pay and 2) yes, I did still tip. While I found this ridiculous, it wasn’t much skin off my back, and I believe in tipping.

Whether you’re delivering food, speaking to a group, taking a trip, or just going about your day, make sure you are as prepared as you need to be. Remember, the better prepared you are the easier it is to improvise!

Posted in Business Advice, Ding!, Motivation & Success | Tagged | 4 Comments