Dumbass Indian Guy Uses Spray Tan to Make His Girlfriend Look Indian!

Here’s a story that clearly comes from the “Dumb Ass” file…

Sunset Tans is a reality show on E! about a tanning salon called, not surprisingly, “Sunset Tans.”

Someone passed along a clip of an Indian dude, “Sanjay,” who was dating a white woman and was going to introduce her to his parents. Since his parents were very traditional and conservative, he wanted to “Indian her up” so to speak. And what better way to Indian up a non-Indian than by getting her a spray-on tan…

Watch the clip on Hulu

It’s not clear whether he wants to pass her off as an Indian girl or just make her “less white” to be more acceptable. But does it matter? Let’s see…

Pass her off as Indian – Really? Really?? Is there anyone who looked at Mary post-tan and said, “yes, here is a girl who clearly grew up in Mumbai and enjoys curry and Bollywood films?” No! She looks like an over-tanned white woman. That’s it.

No one, Indian or Non-Indian, would ever consider for a second that that tanned woman was Indian – wether she was wearing a sari or not! (please, for the love of God tell me that you did not look at her and say, “hmm, yeah, I could see that working.” If so, please unsubscribe yourself from my blog immediately…)

Now I don’t know Sanjay’s parents. But since he just said, “they are conservative,” and not, “they are conservative, half-blind, and idiots,” I’m guessing they wouldn’t fall for it…

Make her “less white” – Good lord I don’t even know where to start on this one. I have met conservative people of all backgrounds who would prefer their children to marry “within race.” I have never – and I mean never – met any who would say, “well, she’s not Indian, but at least she’s tan”

You know, my Chinese friend Kendall is marrying a white woman. I am pretty sure that the day he introduced her to his parents he didn’t say to her, “you know, if you squint through dinner my parents may find you more acceptable.” That’s probably because he, unlike Sanjay, is not a dumb ass.

The Lesson: I’m all for creativity and coming up with alternative solutions. But generating solutions is only the first step. Once you’ve created a giant list of solutions, it does help to think for even half a second about which solutions may actually work, and what the long term ramifications of those solutions are.

Of course, this was in L.A. and they went to a tanning saloon that was being filmed, so maybe they thought this could be their “big break.” But that just open a whole new can of dumb ass…

By the way, this does bring to mind the Seinfeld episode where Kramer falls asleep on a tanning bed before meeting his black girlfriend’s parents:

In my mind, that’s how the “Mary meets Sanjay’s parents” evening ended up going.