The Curious Case of Pushing Buttons

Posted on February 26, 2009 by Avish

Do you ever do stuff just to “do stuff,” even if the stuff isn’t actually doing anything? Don’t feel bad, a lot of people do.

I was standing near an elevator talking on my cell phone (don’t worry, I was using my “inside voice”) when a man walked up and pushed the “up” button. The button lit up, as these types of buttons do. He must have been in a hurry, because guess what he did next?

That’s right, he pushed it again. And then again.

We all know this is pointless, right?!? I mean, once the button is pushed, that’s it. There is no “elevator button pushing monitor artifical intelligence” that prioritizes what floor to go to next based on how frequently people push the buttons. It’s not like the elevator says, “Oh, hey, the guy on thirteen has pushed the button FIVE times, he must want to get on the elevator more than the woman on six who only pushed it twice.”

Believe me, I know that pushing the button more than once does nothing. I graduated college with a computer engineering degree. There was a semester where I couldn’t get on an elevator without thinking through the binary logic in “J/K flip-flop” terms. No, “J/K flip-flops” are not what you wear at the beach. Yes, I am a nerd. But that’s beside the point.

We’ve all seen people push the button repeatedly. Heck, I would bet that *you* push it repeatedly from time to time. Why do you think that is?

I have a theory (of course I do): It’s because we all have strong need to feel a sense of control. Problems arise when we start trying to control things that we can’t. Too many people waste time and energy taking actions just to achieve a sense of control, even if those actions are of no use. Pushing an elevator button repeatedly. Complaining about the economy. Pounding your dashboard when you’re stuck in traffic. And on and on.

Step #2 to improvising with anything is to focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. In order to do that, you must be able to quickly identify what it is you actually can control, and also identify the things you can’t.

The challenge to you now is to practice this. The next time you are at an elevator where the button is lit up but it seems like nothing is happening, practice your focus and resist the temptation to push the button again – it may be harder than you think!

Posted in Ding!, Motivation & Success | 2 Comments

Great Dings! in Movie History

Posted on February 23, 2009 by Avish

We can learn so much from Hollywood…

My business is based on showing people how to quickly and powerfully overcome the Dings of life. A “Ding!” if you’re wondering, is any unexpected event, big or small, good or bad, that forces you off your original path. In life and business, no matter how well you plan, Dings are going to happen. Your level of success is dictated not just by how well you plan, but also by (or even more by) how well you deal with the dings in life.

I am a fan of movies, so to help illustrate what a Ding is, here is my list of “Great Dings! in Movie History!”

(Warning – these are spoilers for the movies below, but all of these movies have been out for at least 10 years, so I don’t feel bad.)

Jaws
“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” DING!
That’s a big a$% shark!

Casablanca
“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” DING!
As anyone who has bumped into an ex on the street can attest, this would be aweful. Just awful…

Raiders of the Lost Ark!
“Snakes, why did it have to be snakes…?” DING!
I love the premise of setting up his mortal fear of snakes early and then bringing it back. You know, a lot of people are afraid of clowns. Wouldn’t it have been great if this scene became, “clowns, why did it have to be clowns…?” and then in the pit there were hundreds of clowns just waiting for him? Maybe that’s just me

Home Alone
“Kevin!” DING!
This is the beauty of Hollywood – you can take a serious topic like parental neglect and turn it into a box office smash

Back to the Future
“Wait a minute, Doc, are you trying to tell me that my mother has got the hots for me?” DING!
Too icky to even joke about, if you think it through…

The Matrix
“Welcome to the real world.” DING!
This has to be the worst on the list. Waking up from this world to that one?!? Though with the popularity of games like Second Life, does anyone else think we are well on our way to the Matrix?

The Exorcist
“And I’m the Devil. Now kindly undo these straps.” DING!
Ok, this one is probably worse than the Matrix. Some parents flip out when their kids catch a cold. How do you think they would react if their kid was possessed by the devil?

That should give you a better idea of what could be a Ding. And in all those situations, the hero managed to overcome the Dings. So now you have no excuse!

Can you think of some more Great Movie Dings! Feel free to add your own in the comments below!

Posted in Ding! | 3 Comments

People Say the Dumbest Things – Ding!

Posted on February 20, 2009 by Avish

Sometimes people say things that make you pause, look, and say, “what were you thinking?” Then you realize they weren’t thinking at all…

I was at a good friend’s wedding this past weekend. The photographer is running around taking pictures of the bride and groom with different people. At one point he sets up a shot with the bride, the groom, and the groom’s parents and sister.

The photographer is about to take the picture when he pauses, looks up at the sister and says, “could you just fix your hair?”

DING!

This leads to a brief pause with a slightly confused look. Then I burst out laughing. Then she starts laughing. Then a lot of people start laughing.

You see, there was nothing wrong with her hair. She had it styled very nicely, but I suppose the photographer didn’t approve. Perhaps he was unfamiliar with the concept of “bangs.” He was clearly unfamiliar with the concept of “tact.”

I don’t know about you, but I would think that insulting the groom’s sister is not the best business tactic at a wedding.

This is why when it comes to improvising with the unexpected, it is so important to train your “automatic responses.” Condition yourself to act and react automatically in a positive way, so that when things start happening fast (like if you are a photographer taking hundreds of pictures at a wedding) you don’t say something stupid.

“But Avish, it was an honest mistake!”

I don’t know. I would think that as a wedding photographer that you would want to have some familiarity with fashion and hair. Enough so that you wouldn’t look anything that doesn’t look like a traditional hairstyle and assume it was a mistake. I mean, this wasn’t some crazy “Flock of Seagulls” ‘do.

But the real issue isn’t that he made the mistake. The issue was the off-handed, semi-condescending way he asked her to fix her hair. Clearly, here was a person who had not conditioned himself to automatically communicate in a polite respectful way. I am guessing you know people in your life who fit that bill…

Take some time and start paying attention to your “default” conversations. Do you automatically respond in ways that are polite and respectful, or in ways that make you put your foot in your mouth?

Practice now, or you may find yourself on the wrong end of a big fat Ding!

Posted in Ding! | 1 Comment

In Honor of President’t Day: I Hate This Commercial!

Posted on February 17, 2009 by Avish

TD Bank has this commercial where Regis and Kelly interview Abraham Lincoln:

The premise of this ad is that Lincoln is peeved because the penny, which features his face, is not worth anything anymore. Fair enough premise. TD Bank has a free change counting machine where you can trade your change in for dollars. At this point, Abe gets all peeved because George Washington is on the dollar and “it always comes back to George.”

Here’s why I hate this ad: ABRAHAM LINCOLN IS ON THE $5 BILL!

I get the fact that Lincoln would complain about the penny having no value now. But having him whine about George and the dollar bill is just plain dumb, since he’s on a more valuable bill.

Of course, I do realize that getting annoyed about the logic behind a commercial where Regis and Kelly are interviewing Abraham Lincoln is as illogical as the ad itself. But I don’t care.

Is it too much to ask for a little intelligence in the world? A little logic? A little thought?

What’s the lesson from this? Don’t be stupid. That’s it. Simple lesson this post:

Don’t. Be. Stupid.

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Chowder – Mine Mortal Enemy

Posted on February 11, 2009 by Avish

I recently found myself on the losing end of a battle of balance involving me, gravity, and a bowl of clam chowder (New England style, of course). I may have lost that battle, but I did win the war. Or at least learned some things along the way…

Here’s what happened:

I was in a situation where I had a plate of food and a bowl of New England Clam Chowder. I needed to take both of these items down a flight of stairs and through a closed door. I know, this sounds like an episode of “Double Dare.” But it was real… So I navigate the stairs ok, but when I get to the door I realize that I have both hands full, and I need one of them to open the door (that’s how hands and doors generally work).

Being the Mensa student that I am, I think it’s a smart idea to balance the bowl of chowder on my other hand while using my now free right hand to open the door. This plan would have worked just fine if I could have kept my entire body completely still (like Sam Neil trying to avoid a T-Rex).

Unfortunately, bio-mechanics dictates that when you pull open a heavy door with one hand, the rest of your body shifts. I found myself in my own personal John Woo movie, where everything suddenly changed to slow motion, the bowl started to tip, and I let out a long drawn out “noooooooooooooooooooooo.”

DING!

Two seconds later, I am standing there with clam chowder on my sweater, jeans, shoes, and carpet. Let me tell you, clam chowder and clothing do not make for a nice odor combination.

All I can say is, thank goodness I have a washing machine at home.

I did learn a couple of things from this experience about dealing with the Dings of life:

1) A little forethought would have saved me. After I picked up my food, I realized that having the soup in my right hand would make it harder for me to open the door. I could have switched hands right there while I had a table handy, but instead I thought, “no, I’ll be fine.”

Question: How many times do you realize that you have made a mistake that had a quick fix, but rather than fixing it you say, “no, I’ll be fine.”?

2) As I stood in front of the door, I suspected that this would be a bad idea. I’m not that big of an idiot. Anyone would know that balancing a bowl of chowder is not a good idea. But rather than trying a new strategy, I said, “no, I’ll be fine if I am just *really* careful.” Guess not…

Question: How many times do you *know* that you are setting yourself up for something bad, but you proceed anyway even saying, “I’ll just be extra careful.”?

3) Once the Ding was done, I had no choice but to laugh. Yes, I spilled chowder all over my clothes. Yes, my clothes reeked the rest of the day. But once it happened, what else can you do but laugh? I laughed at myself, and let others laugh at me. I know people who would have been angry, stressed, and freaking out. What’s the fun in that?

Question: When Ding happens to you, do you laugh, cry, or get angry? There’s really only one powerful choice.

Keep these tips in mind when the unexpected hits. Otherwise, you may end up taking a clam chowder bath yourself…

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What One American Idol Contestant Could Have Learned From My Ding Happens! Speech

Posted on February 11, 2009 by Avish


(This is from my Improvised Musings E-Zine. Sign up for it now!)

Have you ever performed poorly and then thought to yourself, “It’s not my fault! There was this jerk who threw me off and stressed me out, and blah blah blah”? I have done that from time to time, but watching an episode of American Idol, that paragon of life lessons, made me realize how flawed that type of thinking is.

Step #2 in my step by step process of improvising with anything is to “focus on what you can control and let go of the rest.” (If you are unfamiliar with my step by step process, have no fear, I will be putting out a great deal more info on that soon…) This lessons was reinforced to me when I was watching American Idol (yes, I’m one of those. I tried to avoid it, but I got sucked in during Season 5)

Warning #1: I will be giving away some of the results of one of the Hollywood Week results from American Idol Season 8.

Warning #2: If you haven’t seen the episode I am talking about but feel concerned that I will be “spoiling” an episode of American Idol for you, then you need to step away from the computer, turn off the TV, and get outside.

On to the story…

I had settled in to watch American Idol (AI to those of us in the know – or too lazy to type it out over and over) and saw that it was the dreaded “Group Day.” During Group Day, the 100 some-odd remaining contestants had to form groups of three or four, work on a song together, and then perform it. I generally hate group day, because it seems unfair to me that a great singer could get paired with a bad group and end up getting eliminated for it.

AI gets a lot of mileage out of showing the intense drama that goes on when a group forms with people that don’t like each other. It is a reality show after all, and reality shows love their drama. One such group, highlighted at the beginning of the episode and followed all the way through to the end, was the very last group to perform. The people in this group did not like each other *at all*.

They get up to perform, and the judges comment on how they can tell that they don’t like each other. After they put on a lackluster performance, the judges again commented on how uncomfortable it was because it was so evident that the group didn’t like each other.

Two of the three people in the group made it through to the next round, and one got eliminated. The eliminated girl, Nancy, then went on a rant about how the group was at fault and how she couldn’t believe she let the other people get to her.

Interesting. This seemed to be a textbook case of how a bad group could ruin a good singer’s chances. I started to feel sad (then I started feeling ridiculous for feeling sad about anything that happens on AI).

But then I thought back over the episode. There were many occasions where a group’s performance was weak but some of the people in that group would still get through. This was the case in Nancy’s group.

Then it struck me: A great singer, a performer with enough talent to compete in front of a live national audience, would find a way to shine regardless of the chaos going on around him or her.

This was Nancy’s failing: She put her focus on what she could not control. Even though she hated her group, had she focused on singing the best she possibly could, she may have made it through. Instead, she focused on the tension and drama of her team.

Remember, when Ding Happens, great improvisers (and great performers) focus 100% on the things within their control. They are the ones who shine in any situation. People who don’t do this end up failing out.

How about you? Have you ever worked with a person or group of people that you didn’t get along with? Did you blame them for your bad performance?

Have you ever blamed your bad performance on the fact that someone you dislike, “messed you up,” “or threw you off?”

The next time you start to feel those thoughts rising in your head, stop, breathe, and remind yourself to shift your attention back to what you can control and let go of the rest.

Do this, and maybe, just maybe, you can win American Idol some day…

Posted in Ding!, Motivation & Success | Leave a comment

Pay Attention and Go First Class All the Way!

Posted on February 9, 2009 by Avish

I was on the USAirways website booking myself a ticket to California and back. The way the flight selection screen is set-up, they show you the prices of each potential leg, and also show you the prices for coach and First Class.

I long ago stopped even remotely paying attention to the First Class seats. The prices are anywhere from double to four times the coach prices! I may be lazy and appreciate my luxury, but for $1,000 difference I’ll suffer in coach.

This time, I clicked on the coach fare and hit “submit.” For whatever reason, the page just kind of hung there (as pages on the Internet do from time to time) During this delay, I actually noticed the First Class fare for the flight I just booked…

It was only $20 more than the coach!

I couldn’t believe it. I quickly thanked the Internet Gods for delaying the page submission so I would notice the price, hit “stop” on my browser, double checked the flights and prices, and selected the first class option. I booked myself a First Class flight for only $20 more than coach. I may want to save money, but I certainly value my laziness and luxury $20 worth!

Of course, being the self analytical guy I am, I started wondering how many flights in the past I may have sat in coach when I could have been up in first class. Like I said, I stopped looking at the first class options long ago.

Then I wondered about how many other opportunities I may have missed because I was too fixated on what I knew to pay attention to what was currently going on. Business deals missed? Product sales lost? Adventures passed by? Relationships gone with the wind? We’ll never know.

How about you? What opportunities might you be letting pass you by because you’re simply not paying attention? Put aside what you know and be fully engaged in this moment (it’s all we’ve got after all) and see what new exciting opportunities might be open to you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to sit back and enjoy my first class experience!

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Identity, Success, and the Evil Arizona Cardinals

Posted on January 15, 2009 by Avish

A week ago, the evil Arizona Cardinals defeated my Philadelphia Eagles in the NFC Championship game. DING! The Cardinals are going to the Superbowl, and the Eagles get to watch form home. (For those of you Cardinals fans offended by me calling them evil, get over it. Your team won, mine lost, that should be enough. Besides, this is sports; irrationality is perfectly acceptable behavior).

As I looked back on that loss, and on Philadelphia sports in general, I learned some interesting thing about success and the concept of identity.

There is a common idea in the motivational world that a person’s identity, or who they think they are, is the most important factor in determining how successful a person will be. Personal development giants such as Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy have written on this.

The idea is that if, for example, you set out to make a million dollars but deep down you identify yourself as a person who makes $50,000, then you will never make one million, no matter how badly you think you want to. You can apply this to anything, not just money. If you want to excel at sales but identify yourself as a person who hates selling, good luck, ’cause you’re going to need it. Want to be a ladies man but deep down think you’re a dork? A dork you shall remain.

What does this have to do with the dastardly Cardinals defeat of the noble and glorious Eagles (yes I am biased)? Quite a bit.

I remember going into Sunday’s game against the Cardinals feeling nervous, even more nervous then when the Eagles played the #1 seeded Giants the week before. When a friend asked me about it, I said, “Well, here’s the thing. Last week, people thought we would lose. We weren’t favored. This week, everyone is picking us to win. I don’t like that we’re not underdogs anymore. We don’t do well when we are favored.”

Odd feeling, eh? Being more nervous when your team is favored then when it’s the underdog…

But here’s the thing: Philadelphia, as a city, identifies itself as “the underdog.”

I blame Sylvester Stallone. In 1976, he wrote and starred in “Rocky.” This is a great movie set in Philadelphia, and is still one of the things most associated with the city. Rocky, cheesesteaks, and Ben Franklin. Everything else, including little things like the Liberty Bell and the signing of the Declaration of Independence, are secondary.

So you’ve got this movie, one of the greatest sports underdog stories of all times, and the entire city embraces it. To make it worse, did you know that Rock LOSES at the end of the first movie. Is it any wonder we can’t win?

And it’s not just this year’s Eagles. The city continues to live out this identity:

In the 80’s Philadelphia’s star basketball player, and one of the greatest of all time and my favorite player of all time, was Charles Barkley. Guess what? He was small for his position.

In the late 90’s and early 2000’s, Philadelphia’s star basketball player was Allen Iverson. He took the Sixers to the NBA finals (where they lost to the villainous Lakers) and won the league MVP. Guess what? He was small for his position.

Even the team that won a championship, the 2008 Philadelphia Phillies, were underdogs. They were behind in the rankings late in the season and needed the Mets to tank in order to win. Amazingly, the gracious NY Mets decided to lose a bunch of games so that the Phillies could make the playoffs. Even in the World Series, the Phils were underdogs.

The evidence is quite strong. I don’t know the last time a Philadelphia team was the front-runner *and* pulled it out.

What does this have to do with you? Think about it: if an identity issue can keep a city, a die hard sports city at that, out of a championship for so long, what kind of an impact do you think the concept of indentity has on you and what you are trying to achieve?

Take a second and think on the goals you are trying to achieve in your life. Take a step back from obsessing over all the actions you may or not be taking, and pay careful attention to whether who you identify yourself as is supporting you in achieving that goal or holding you back.

Put more succinctly, if you want to win a championship, maybe you should identify with Apollo Creed and not Rocky Balboa…

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A Close Shave

Posted on December 14, 2008 by Avish

On Friday, I bought a new electric shaver. I decided to splurge and go for a high-end Norelco that cost over $150.

I was excited about the new shaver, because let’s face it, I am a hairy man. With my old shaver, I would finish shaving at, get it as close as I could, look at myself in the mirror, and have a 5 o’clock shadow – at 8 in the morning! On top of that, it took me 20 minutes to get a shave with the old electric. I hoped that the new on would take care of both of these issues…

The next day, I had to get up early to go deliver a training session. I woke up excited to use my new shaver – yes, as we get older, these are the things that excite us. Not Nintendo. Not candy. A new electric shaver. But I digress.

I used the shaver, and I will say that it did take less time. I pack up my stuff and drive down to the client. After I get myself set up in the room we are using, I pop in to the bathroom and catch my reflection in the mirror. And it’s back – my 8am 5 o’clock shadow. Curses! on top of that, it seems like since I was using a new shaver, I may have missed a spot. I have a little dark patch on my face where the shave wasn’t as close.

I now had to go out and face the client looking not only unshaven, but poorly unshaven…

You may be wondering why I am sharing a shaving story with you. There are three lessons here:

1) I am all for innovation and trying something new, but you should pick your spots – Getting a new shaver was a great idea. Using for the first time the morning of an important gig was not a great idea. I should have picked up the shaver earlier in the week and had a few days to get used to it. Set yourself up to win: when you try something new (and you should) don’t add extra complications by trying it “live” for the first time.

2) Attitude is everything – As I stood in the bathroom staring at my reflection, concerned about my facial hair, I realized that if I acted like everything was fine, then people might not notice. And if they did notice, my energy and focus would make them quickly forget it. So that’s what I did – I put it out of my head and want about my business. And you know what? The session went great.

Many time the things we think are huge issues in our own head are trivial to others. When Ding! Happens, The less you act bothered by them, the less others will notice.

3) I clearly have shaving issues – If anyone wants to recommend a system that a) can give me a super close shave b) can be done at home and c) does not involve shaving with a razor “against the grain,” I would love to hear about it!

Posted in Business Advice, Ding! | 2 Comments

Video interview!

Posted on December 10, 2008 by Avish

I was interviewed by Dr. Sally Witt on Monday night. This short interview focuses mostly on the January 10th Internet Marketing Intensive my chapter of the National Speakers Association is putting on (I am president of the chapter this year).

Get more info about the Intensive and register now by clicking here.

Dr. Sally is going to interview me for one hour on her internet radio show. Click here to get the details to listen.

Posted in Business Advice, Talk Gooder | Leave a comment