Personal Development Training and Motivational Humor from the Motivational Smart Ass!

Ok, this one’s not funny, but this story has been hanging with me since I first heard it…

From the Associated Press:

Evidently, two groups of guys got into some kind of a dispute at the bar that’s attached to the ballpark. They were kicked out and they continued their fight outside, at which point one of them was beaten to death.

Read it again. One of them was beaten to death

This is a classic and tragic (and probably all too common) example of people who have a complete inability to think more than seven seconds ahead. And now, because getting into a fight over something inconsequential and stupid seemed like a great idea in the moment, one life is ended, one (or more) lives are destroyed, and a host of other lives will be negatively impacted.

“But Avish,” you may be saying, “you don’t know what the fight was about.” Come on. There is nothing that fight could have been about to justify it. They were in a crowded bar at a ball game. Fighting is the last resort, used to defend your life or the lives of those you love from imminent harm. That’s it. I would lay 1,000 to 1 odds that this fight was about someone getting bumped, a beer getting spilled, or someone talking to someone else’s girlfriend. Stupid.

I frequently go out for a few drinks with friends. There is not a single one of them who would get into a fight, even after drinking. You know why? Because they are not friggin’ idiots.

In fact, I use that as a qualifying method when it comes to hanging out with people. If you are the type who is going to get into a fight, I am not going to hang out with you. Why? Because I am not a friggin’ idiot

As a martial artist, I know how fragile the human body is and how easy it is to inflict some real damage to a person. As a martial arts instructor, I try to instill in my students that sense of responsibility and restraint. As a humorist and comedian, I try to resolve or remove myself from situations with humor. As a person who is not a friggin’ idiot, I plan on never getting in a fight, ever.

This is the kind of story that makes me embarrassed to be a sports fan, a Philadelphian, and, frankly, a human being.

Let me try to pull out a lesson here, as obvious at it may be.

Lesson: For the Love of God, THINK!

I often talk about the process of improvising with anything and how to make good decisions in the moment. One of the key principles there is to think in terms of outcomes and big picture. This story is a sad example of what happens when you take the situation of not doing this to the logical (or seemingly illogical) extreme.

The key is you have to really think. If someone had told these guys right before getting in the fight, “hey man, think down the road,” chances are nothing would have changed. That’s because they wouldn’t have really thought things through. When you do, you start to realize how stupid some of the decisions you make, or are about to make, are.

You may never be in a situation where you need to decide whether you should get in a fight (I hope not). But let’s bring this back to situations that you probably do encounter…

How do you respond when a customer is rude to you? Do you smile it off and humorously vent with co-workers later, or do you respond with rudeness (which leads to supervisor involvement and potential negative feedback, suspension, or dismissal)? How do you respond to prospect objections during a sales cycle? With a positive “yes, and” as you try to move them forward or with frustration, irritation, or depression? If you’ve had a bad day at work and, when you get home, your spouse says something stupid, do you laugh it off and explain to them that you have had a bad day or do you snap at them, ruining everyone’s evening and then having to spend hours or days patching things up?

Training yourself to make good decisions in the moment can and will have a huge positive impact on your life. It’s not that hard, it just takes some practice.

Bonus Lesson

Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever resort to physical violence unless it is 100% self-defense.

If you’re sitting there thinking about explaining to me why it’s important to fight in these inconsequential situations (and not thinking about changing), please, don’t email me, don’t buy my products, don’t hire me to speak, and for the love of God, watch all sporting events from the comfort of your own home….

My friend Courtney recently posted this as a Facebook update:

“In martial arts training, there is much talk about dying. Being willing to die everyday means willing to let go of our PROTECTION, assumptions, our visions and disintegrate into NOW. This frees us up to POWERFULLY LIVE…..”

Very true statement, and it reminded me of an article I wrote about four(!) years ago on this concept and how it relates to life.

Here’s the original article. Enjoy!

Life Lessons from the Greatest Swordsman Who Ever Lived

Miyamoto Musashi is considered to be the greatest swordsman who ever lived. After fighting in over sixty duels, Musashi reflected on the concept of strategy and what allowed him to win so many battles. He recorded these thoughts in a book titled “Go Rin No Ryu” or, in English, “A Book of Five Rings.”

So why am I talking about sword fighting now? Well, because the book itself uses sword fighting as a metaphor for all things. The book is about strategy in general. It is considered such a masterpiece of strategy that some business schools, Harvard included, use it to teach business strategy.

In terms of the modern world and what lessons we can take from it now, I would like to quote one line from the book. Musashi says, “the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death.” These eleven words are profound and contain the secret to a great many successes in them. The statement means that in order to do his best, a warrior must accept the possibility and reality of death. A warrior who did not do this would be afraid of dying in combat, and as such would lessen his ability to fight. Ironically, the more concerned a warrior was with dying, the more likely he was to die. Only by accepting the reality of death could a warrior get past it.

Taken outside of feudal Japan, this sentiment can have a huge impact on your success in a variety of areas. Like the warrior, rather than fearing the negative consequence, once you embrace and accept it as a real possibility you can move past it.

The same rule applies to business. If you are afraid of messing up a presentation, or a project, or a sales call, the more likely you are to mess it up. Once you accept the reality of failure, you free up your energy to allow yourself to perform to the best of your ability.

Remember, all you have to accept is failure, rejection, or embarrassment – Musashi had to accept death.