Personal Development Training and Motivational Humor from the Motivational Smart Ass!

Ah, Smart Assery. When done right, it can be a fun and positive thing. When done wrong, it can be painful, annoying, and downright mean.

Many people have different definition of what exactly a “Smart Ass,” is, and some are more positive than others. For the sake of this post and this blog, let me share with you what mine is:

There’s nothing in there about being obnoxious, rude or annoying. It’s just a humorous way of looking at life. Like with any kind of humor, there is a line that separates lovable smart asses from annoying smart asses (or, “jackasses,” if you will…)

Here are 7 ways to make sure you are a Lovable Smart Ass:

Do Try to Know Where the Line is Before You Joke

There are some topics that, even if you don’t find them offensive, are common enough touchy subjects that you should get a handle on the perspective of the group before you joke about them. Weight, illnesses, money (or lack thereof), etc. Jackasses love to get a rise out of people by crossing the line. Lovable Smart Asses like to spread good cheer by not crossing the line.

If you are such a weak comedian that you need to resort to these obvious types of jokes, then you are nowhere near ready to be a lovable smart ass. Any idiot can make the obvious joke. Moreover, every idiot will make the obvious joke. If you make it too, than you are in the same category as the idiots.

Every so often you may say something that offends someone in a way that you could not have foreseen. I once made a cat joke not knowing that this one woman’s cat had just died. Hey, Ding Happens. But after that, you can be damned sure I didn’t make anymore cat jokes…

Don’t Make Fun of People You Don’t Like

This is one of my personal rules. If I don’t like you, I won’t make fun of you because a) joking around is something I do with friends, not people I hate, and b) it’s too easy to get personal and start using humor as a weapon when making fun of people you don’t like.

This is one of the reason’s smart assery can get a bad name. Too many people use humor as a pseudo-passive aggressive way of attacking people they don’t like. If you do this, then one of two things is true:

1. You are a child. Literally, still in middle school, because that’s where this really happens.
2. You are an intellectual and emotional child. Stop doing this, and learn better ways of interacting with people.

Do Be Able to Take a Joke

If there is one thing that will clearly move you out of Lovable Smart Ass territory and into Jackkassville, it is this: if you’re the guy who likes to tease and make fun of everybody, but then gets offended or hurt when someone makes fun of you, then you are a jackass.

At this point, you have two options:

1. Grow up, stop whining, and learn to take a joke.
2. Stop joking around and trying to be a smart ass. You don’t have the stones for it.

Do Pay Attention To the Response You Get

You think something is funny, so you say it. Great. How does everyone else react to it? Do they laugh? Do they build off of it? Or do they basically ignore you? If they ignore you, don’t think it’s because they didn’t hear you or they didn’t “get it.” It’s because your joke was either unfunny or crossed the line.

Most importantly, if you are poking fun at somebody, how are they reacting? Are they laughing, or just looking embarrassed? It doesn’t matter if you have 20 people in stitches; if the butt of your joke is not having fun, then you have left Lovable Smart Ass territory.

Also, learn the difference between real laughter and fake, “I’m just laughing with you so people don’t know my feelings are hurt,” laughter.

Don’t Monologue. Do Dialogue.

Lovable Smart Assery is a team affair. You make a comment or joke. Someone else can then makes a joke or comment that builds on what you said. Then you do the same. And so on and so on. In this way, you ensure three things:

1. Your humor is engaging people and adding to the conversation
2. You do not come across as an egotistical needy performer type who is trying to dominate the conversation
3. Your joking is actually being appreciated and enjoyed.

“But Avish, what if no one the group builds off of what I said?” Then what you said wasn’t very good. Let go, move on, and let someone else lead.

Do Be Able To Be Serious

Can you switch seamlessly back and forth between joking around and being serious? Do you have the sensitivity to know when to do so? If you want to be a lovable smart ass, you had better learn.

Don’t Say Every Joke You Think Of

One of my biggest “comedy pet peeves.” Not every joke needs to be told. No matter how funny you think it is, or how appropriate, or how great, if the time is past, you have to let it go.

It’s a concept I like to call, comedic control. Your self-control in not telling what you think is a great joke will serve you in many ways, including, (but not limited to): gauging people’s responses, knowing where the line is, training your creative mind that ideas are infinite, allowing you to play observer to see how others are interacting, making sure you are dialoguing, etc.

Do Put Relationships Over Humor

The two worst bits of human interaction advice I ever got where:

1. A friend in high school telling me that his life philosophy was, “f@%# ’em if they can’t take a joke.” I was very impressed at the time
2. A friend in college saying, “he should be fine with it because that’s how I would want people to interact with me”

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

(I also realize how stupid it is to rely on life-long advice from people in high school and college, but it’s amazing how stuff sticks with you)

“F!@# ’em if they can’t take a joke,” is stupid because all people’s humor is different. I agree that we all need a sense of humor, but this statement is used in a much more selfish, “I was just joking around so screw them if they can’t take it.” It’s a way of justifying your jackassery and unwillingness to be flexible in your interactions with people.

“That’s how I would want people to interact with me,” is the same thing. Nobody cares how you want to be treated. Your best bet is to follow the The Platinum Rule: “Do Unto Others As They Want Done Unto Them.”

At the end of the day, life is really all about the relationships we have. If your humor and Lovable Smart Assness is enhancing and improving those relationships, good for you. If not, then let it go.

Anger issues? Try these seven steps to keep it in check...

1) Ask Yourself, “What’s Funny About This?”

This is my primary technique for getting people to learn to look at the lighter side of things. Condition yourself to ask, “what’s funny about this?” or, “what is good about this?” and when idiocy rears its ugly head, your mind will automatically go to fun, not anger. It takes a little practice, but it’s incredibly powerful.

2) Make Up a Wild and Crazy Story to Explain the Idiocy

Sometimes people do things that defy explanation. A great deal of our frustration comes from wondering just what in the heck these other people were thinking. As a result, we make up stories that make us even more mad.

For example, you see a driver weaving in and out of traffic like a madman. You think to yourself, “what a jerk! Where does he have to get to in such a hurry?” Then you notice he is driving a BMW. “Oh, I get it. Mr. BMW just thinks he is so much more important than everyone else. He’s probably late for his 9AM tee-time at the golf club. What a jerk!” Now you are angry at the situation, at him, and at all BMW drivers everywhere.

Not my car, but very close. My BMW does not make me a bad person, I swear!

The story you’re creating just makes you angrier. So make up a different story. What if you thought, “Wow, that guy is driving like a madman! I wonder if he is a secret agent racing to diffuse a bomb. With a pregnant woman who’s in labor in his back seat!” Then you notice it’s a BMW. “oh, maybe it’s the Motivational Smart Ass, Avish Parashar! He drives a Beemer…”

The story you tell won’t change the situation at all. But if you have fun making up the story, you will find it harder to get angry.

3) Write it Down

Sometimes we just need to get stuff out of our heads. The simple act of writing it down, on paper or electronically, releases it from our minds and allows us to let go. As a bonus, you can revisit your writings and start a blog where you post all the idiotic things you encounter for all the world to see.

Not that I would know anything about that.

4) Breathe

The simplest, fastest way to head off an anger explosion is to breathe deep. This advice has been around so long it seems like a worn out cliche. But it has been around for son long for one reason: it works! The next time you are about to lose control, take a few deep breathes, pause, and let it go. Yes, sometimes it really is that simple.

5) Change Your Language, Version 1: Soft

The words we use can have a tremendous impact on how we feel about something. “I’m pissed,” creates a different feeling than, “I’m perturbed.” By simple choosing to swap out strong words for soft ones, you can control your emotions before you pop your top.

Try it. the next time someone does something idiotic and you find yourself saying, “I am so !@#$ing pissed off!,” say, “I’m peeved.” Instead of, “G%$ D%$n!,” try, “Oh bother.” Replace, “This sucks!,” with “This is unfortunate.” (I actually use this last one a lot). This technique may seem ridiculous, but it works.

6) Change Your Language, Version 2: Funny

-I have a package for a Mr. Ass-wipe.
- It’s "Aswipe"

For a tamer example, when someone does something I find stupid I will often refer to them as “Dumas Aswipe.” This is a double reference to The Shawshank Redemption, where a character pronounced Alexendar Dumas’s last name as, “Dumbass,” and a Saturday Night Live Sketch where Nicholas Cage obsessed over what to name his child because his last name, “Aswipe,” pronounced, “Ah-sweep-ay,” was always mispronounced as “ass-wipe.” Rather than saying “dumbass asswipe,” I simply say, “Dumas Aswipe.” You may not think it’s very funny, but it makes me laugh, and it’s hard for my anger to take hold when I say that.

(Note: I don’t use these terms out loud where the other person can hear me, because that would just make the situation worse. These are terms I use to express my anger to myself or to my friends who get the reference.)

Pick a funny insult and when you find yourself unable to not express your feelings, try swapping in the goofy term and see what happens.

7) Switch Your Focus to Something Fun

The next time you let your anger fester, remind yourself that you look like this guy...

A good way to move on, whether in the short or long term, is to simply shift your focus. Do something you find fun. in the car? Throw on some music that makes you happy (May I suggest some Great Motivational Rush Songs?). At home? Watch a comedy that makes you laugh. Out with friends? Switch topics of conversation to something fun.

Whatever you do, don’t fester. Nothing good ever comes of it.

Take these seven ideas out for a spin. The less time and energy you waste on being angry, the more time and energy you can spend on pursuing your dreams, making the most of your relationships, and simply enjoying life!

October - How can you not love it?

Halloween

Halloween is a cool holiday. It is really the only one who’s entire point is to have fun. Get dressed up, eat candy, go to parties. That’s awesome. As a kid it was great, but as an adult it’s even better because it is the one time a year adults are encouraged to tap into their inner child and be playful.

What you should do about it: Do something fun this year for Halloween. Go to or throw a party. Eat some candy. Push the envelope with your costume. (But first read my guide on proper Halloween costume choosing).

Use of the term “Rocktober”

Some radio station right now is celebrating “Rocktober.” It’s their excuse to play better and more rock music. Whatever the reason, I support it. Because more rock music means a) a much lower chance of hearing country music and b) an at least 5% higher chance of hearing a Rush song on the radio (we Rush fans have to take what we can get…).

What you should do about it: Anytime you are listen to music a rock song comes on, look at the people around you, pump your fist in the air, and over-enthusiastically shout, “Rocktober!” Bonus points if you stick your tongue out too.

Horror Movies

I do enjoy a good horror movie, and there is no better time to watch one than October. I’m sure Halloween has something to do with it, but also there is something with the slight chill, short nights, and the overall lack of forced “you must feel good” sentiment that hits in November and December. This is a great time of year to scare yourself.

Pumpkinhead seems a good way to express my appreciation of both horror movies and pumpkin flavored things...

Pumpkins

Pumpkin flavored stuff is awesome! I don’t know how exactly it gets from its giant fruit form into all the things I like, and frankly, I don’t care. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin ale, pumpkin spiced lattes. It’s all good, it’s all delicious, and it all happens now, in October.

What you should do about it: Bake a pumpkin pie and invite me over for dinner. Or get a 6-pack of pumpkin ale and invite me over for a beer. Or do something else that is delicious, uses pumpkin, and somehow allows me to enjoy it.

Oktoberfest

Mmmmmm, beer. ‘Nuff said.

What you should do about it: Go drink a beer. Now.

The Weather

Thanks to global warming (or rather, as my friend once corrected me, “large scale climate shift”), October is the new September. I can walk all around the city in a just a short sleeve t-shirt, not be cold, and not sweat. Take that summer months!

What you should do about it: Take advantage while it lasts. Get outside and enjoy your self. I’m not saying you have to go wilderness hiking or mountain biking. I’m happy to sit outside with a beer and friend and toast to our good health!

The Last Pre-Christmas Gasp

The holidays are coming. Be afraid. Be very afraid...
(Photo by tijmz)

What you should do about it: Enjoy and appreciate the relative peace and quiet you have now. Because it’s going to end very soon.

The Takeaway

Life is all about perspective. Everything, October included, has positives and negatives. There’s no reason that, when you’re feeling blue about something, you can’t simply refocus and look for whatever positive aspects you can find. It’s a nice way to go through life. And October.

What you should do about it: Take a second and think about what else you do (or could) enjoy about October. Add your ideas to the comments section!