Success Lessons from MTV’s Made

Posted on February 22, 2010 by Avish

MTV_Made_logoDid you ever think you could turn to MTV to find success lessons? Neither did I, but then I realized that they have one of the more interesting and instructional shows on TV. It’s a program called Made, and I have to admit, I kind of love it.

On the show, a kid (usually someone between 16 and 20) decides that he or she wants to do something completely different and new, and they want to do it fast. The title comes from the fact that the kid wants to be “made” into something. Over the show’s history, people have been made into basketball players, cheerleaders, rap artists, beauty queens, ladies men, dancers, actors, opera singers, skate boarders, bikers, gymnasts, robotics team members, and many, many more.

The unifying factor is that the kids haven’t done anything like the new activity before. MTV sets them up with a coach, and they usually build up to an event (tryout, pageant, competition, performance, etc) 6-12 weeks out.

I enjoy this show because let’s face it: it’s kind of a personal development person’s dream. You get to watch people make dramatic transformations in short periods of time, and you get to see their ups and downs along the way. Usually, it’s quite inspiring.

I know that reality TV has a bad rap (justifiably) and there’s no way we’re seeing the whole story. Still, I think there is a whole lot we can learn from what we observe in MTV’s Made:

The First Thing That Goes is the Comfort Zone

“Made” is an entertaining show, if for no other reason than it’s fun to watch teens throw tantrums and resist change, even when they asked for those changes!

One of the first things to go is the comfort zone. The kids are asked to dress different, do different activities, meet different people, etc. And it’s very entertaining to watch them rail against these new activities.

Einstein famously said, “problems can not be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.” Same thing here: You can not keep doing the same things and expect to get massively different results.

If you are happy with where you are at, great! If not, you have to get out of your comfort zone. Makes sense, right? If doing things the way you have been doing them got you to where you are, then to get somewhere else you have to do something different. Too often though, people want to get different results without really changing anything or getting out of their comfort zone. We all do it, but that doesn’t make it any less stupid…

Question: What are you holding yourself back from achieving because you are unwilling to step out of your comfort zone?

Accountability

Talk about a golden opportunity! These people on this show get their very own “Made Coach.” This is a professional who works with the kid for the entire process, teaching them, mentoring them, and giving them assignments to help them get better.

Most importantly though, the Coach holds the kid accountable.

If the participant misses an appointment, skips a workout, doesn’t do an assignment, or just overall doesn’t seem to be trying, the Coach will be right there to get on his or her case. It’s not fun, it’s not pretty, but it works.

Based on the frequency with which the kids resist change and skip out on stuff, if they didn’t have the external accountability of a coach, they would never get anywhere.

In our own lives, we can often use the same. Sure, we’d like to think that we are mature, intelligent adults who can motivate ourselves, but you know as well as I that left to our own devices, especially when starting something new, it’s a lot easier to let ourselves down than someone else.

Our ultimate goal should be to be as accountable to ourselves as to someone else. Until that far off day arrives, consider getting someone to be your accountability coach. Whether it’s a paid professional who teaches and mentors, or just a friend who you commit to, having an external person to answer to can be a huge help.

Question: How is your accountability? Do you need to hire/ask/find someone else to be accountable to?

Sacrifice

A common theme on most episodes is the idea of “sacrifice.” In order to make time to become who and what they want to be, the kids often have to let go of people they currently hang with and and things they currently do.

Athletes have to be less involved with their teams, active kids have to drop some after school clubs, and everyone has to spend less time with their friends. Not permanently, but certainly for the period of time that they are working on their goal…

This is always a point of contention. The friends don’t understand. The clubs and teams don’t understand. The parents don’t always understand. And the kid never wants to make those sacrifices.

In the end (usually after a breakdown – see next point), the kid sucks it up and makes the sacrifices, the friends all reconcile, and everyone ends up happy.

The point is, achieving your goals and moving to the next level of success takes some sacrifice. The bigger the goal and the shorter the time frame, the bigger the sacrifice.

Question: What are you willing to sacrifice in order to achieve your goal?

The Breakdown and Massive (Re)Commitment

At some point in most episodes, 50-75% of the way through, the person will have a giant meltdown. They will quit, want to quit, or just have a big blowup argument with their coach.

Invariably, a day or two later, they will apologize to their coach and recommit, and from that point on everything seems to be smooth sailing. (I don’t know if that’s creative editing, or if they simply never show episodes where the person quits and stays quit. But on the episodes I have seen, every single time things get great after the meltdown).

It’s almost as if the person needs to hit rock bottom before they can turn themselves around and get on track.

The regularity with which this happens reinforces the idea that what gets in most people’s way is mentality. They are held back by their unwillingness to change. They need to get pushed so far that eventually they snap, break out of old habits, and embrace the new direction.

Think of a rubber band; every time you stretch it, it snaps back to it’s original shape. Stretch it far enough though, and it snaps.

Question: Have you really committed to what you want to achieve, or are you continuously “snapping back” to old habits?

Try applying these four lessons when you find yourself pursuing a goal. You don’t even have to ever tell anyone you got the ideas from an MTV show…

Posted in Motivation & Success | Tagged | 2 Comments

Wanna Get Good at Something?

Posted on February 19, 2010 by Avish

Talent_is_OverratedThen put in the time. That’s it.

A friend sent me the link below of a guy who decided to get good at painting (mostly digital) and so he simply decided to do at least one painting and one sketch every day. The link has images of his work from when he started and from now – which is 5 years later! The improvement is dramatic. Take a look:

Blog of War

I have been fascinated lately with the concept of talent and how it is not inherent but rather can be developed with hard, consistent work. I’ve read a lot on the topic in books such as Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin, and The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle. Here, however, is a real life example of how simple putting in the time can yield great results.

Five years sounds like a long time. And it is. But time passes whether we make the most of it or not. Five years from now you could be awesome at something or you could be exactly as good as you are right now.

Want to be a great painter? Paint every day.

Want to be a great writer? Write every day.

Want to be a funnier speaker or comedian? Work on your comedy every day.

There’s no magic bullet; the formula is simple: Figure out what you want to be good at, practice consistently and with an eye on improving just a little bit every time, keep at it, and eventually you will get really, really good.

Simple, but a pain in the ass. Most people won’t have the discipline to put in the time to do it. Will you?

Posted in Motivation & Success | 13 Comments

5 Ways to Laugh When You Want to Cry

Posted on February 17, 2010 by Avish

I wrote another guest post for Pick The Brain. You can read it here:

5 Ways to Laugh When You Want to Cry

It’s a fun blend of humor and content – if you like it, leave a comment there (and use their “Re-Tweet” button to pass it on)!

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Polite Little Kids…?

Posted on February 16, 2010 by Avish

A few week’s ago I posted an article titled, Society: Creativity Assassin? The post is about how some schools and teachers beat the creativity out of kids in an attempt to have them “do things right.”

While watching some videos at TED.com I came across an interesting one from Aimee Mullins, an athlete, actor, activist, 1996 Paralympic Games record-breaker with two prosthetic legs. The talk is about design and the human body, but she drops a line at about the one minute mark that made me take notice. You can watch it here:

If you can’t (or don’t want to) view it, here’s the quote:

“From my experience, kids are naturally curious about what they don’t know, what they don’t understand, or is foreign to them, they only learn to be frightened of those differences when an adult influences them to behave that way,and maybe censors that natural curiosity, or you know, reigns in the question asking, in the hopes of them being polite little kids.”

Very interesting, and very much echoing what I said in my previous post. Based on her quote, here are two questions for you:

Question 1) Are you supporting people’s (people’s, mind you, not just kids) natural curiosity about what they don’t know or are you trying to influence them into being polite little kids (and adults)? Are you happy with that?

Question 2) Have you been raised as a “polite little kid?” Nothing wrong with that – heck, probably half of my blog rants are about people’s lack of politeness – but are you taking it too far? have you been so conditioned to be polite that you are suppressing your own natural curiosity about things you don’t understand?

Simple questions, but ones worth asking yourself from time to time…

***
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The Power of “Yes”

Posted on February 15, 2010 by Avish

200px-YesMan2008posterAre you a “yes” person, or a “no” person? Or, in improv parlance, are you a “yes, and” person or a “yes, but” person? That little switch from “no” to “yes” can make a huge difference. I was reminded of this while watching, of all things, a Jim Carrey movie.

(Spoiler Alert! I do give away plot points from the movie “Yes Man” below. Consider your self warned)

I recently watched “Yes Man,” a fairly “average to bad” comedy starring Jim Carrey. Not a great movie at all, especially when you go in hoping for something along the lines of “Liar Liar.”

However, I felt compelled to watch this movie. In it, Jim Carrey plays a character named Carl Allen who always says no to everything that comes into his life. He attends a “motivational seminar,” where guru teaches the power of saying “yes,” to everything. (On a side note, I am looking forward to the day that Hollywood actually creates a movie with a semi-normal – or at least realistic – portrayal of a motivational speaker. We’re not all freaks and cultists, you know…) By simply saying “yes” to everything, (supposed) hilarious hi-jinx ensue and he is taken on a transformative journey where he advances his career, gets the girl, and becomes a better person.

Since one of the most powerful points in my presentations is the importance of saying “yes, and,” instead of “yes, but,” I knew I had to see this movie no matter how bad it might be.

Though the movie was only ok, it did get me thinking about the power of saying yes. “Yes Man” certainly takes saying “yes” to an extreme and it also exaggerates some of the ups and downs that go along with it, but I still think there are a few things we can take away from it.

(Bet you never thought you would be learning life lessons from a Jim Carrey movie, did you? Unless of course that movie was Doing Time on Maple Drive, where you learned all sorts of lessons about dysfunctional families, homosexuality, and alcoholism.)

Here are four things you can learn about the power of saying saying yes (without having to actually go watch “Yes Man”):

You Should Say “Yes” To Trying New Things

You don’t have to jump out of a plane, but you should try new stuff

You don’t have to jump out of a plane, but you should try new stuff


The first thing Carl does after leaving the seminar is to say “yes” to a homeless man who asks for a ride. He also says yes to letting the homeless guy use up all of his cell phone minutes, and then drops the guy off in the middle of nowhere (but not until he has given him all of his cash and run out of gas). Of course, this being a movie and all, Carl walks to a gas station where he meets Allison (played by Zooey Deschanel). He gets a ride from her back to his car, where, for some inexplicable reason, she kisses him and drives off (why is it only in the movies that when your car breaks down you are helped out by an attractive, cool, single member of the opposite sex? My car overheated a few months ago. You know who helped me out? Some middle aged overweight dude. And he wasn’t all that attractive. And he was probably married.)

In any case, Carl later on says “yes” to go see a live band at a club even though he doesn’t want to. When he gets there, guess who happens to be the lead singer of the band? You got it: Allison. (Hollywood strikes again!)

So you see, simply by saying “yes,” Carl meets, then re-meets, the woman who goes on to become the love of his life.

Why this point is stupid in the movie: Saying “yes” to everything is stupid. Let me let you in on a little tip: if you see me speak and here me talk about saying “yes, and” and immediately afterward some sketchy homeless guy asks for a lift, asks to use your cell phone, and asks for all your cash, you don’t have to say, “yes!” In the movie things work out ok. In real life, not so much.

What you can still take away from this: The lesson here is that it is good to say “yes” to new and interesting things, because you never know what will happen. Quite often, the benefit you will get will have nothing to do with what you originally said “yes” to in the first place.

For example, a few years ago I decided to field a team for the 48 Hour Film Project. I called my friend Mike (of Game Music, Inc., who I have written about before) and said, “you want to do this with me.” He was in North Carolina at the time and would have make the weekend trip to fly up it, but he immediately said, “yes!” The weekend of the project came, it was a great experience, and everyone, including Mike, had a great time. But the real interesting bit about this story is that it was that very weekend that Mike met Sarah, one of the actresses in our short film. The two went on to date, got in a relationship, and now are happily married with a young daughter. He said, “yes” to making the movie; the real benefit he got had nothing to do with that.

You Should Say “Yes” To Being With Friends

Friends are important...

Friends are important...


In the movie, Carl’s friends discover his plan of saying “yes” to everything so they keep making him do shots, and have him buy shots, and force him to go out when he shouldn’t (’cause he has to say “yes”…).

Why this point is stupid in the movie: First off, friends that screw with you to that extent and take advantage of you aren’t friends. You should dump ’em like a bad habit. And saying “yes” to drinking to the point where you get into fights is just dumb. And dangerous. Oh, and did I mention it’s dumb?

What you can still take away from this: Life is short. I know things get busy, and work and obligations call, but friendships and relationships are one of the things that make life worth living. It’s easy to lose touch with friends, or to say, “no” when they want to meet up or go out because you’re tired and would rather stay at home and watch reruns of Law and Order. But years down the road, are you more likely to regret saying “yes” and seeing your friends or saying “no” and staying in to rest?

You Should Say “Yes” To Opportunities

Saying yes to the right opportunities could lead to some good things...

Saying yes to the right opportunities could lead to some good things...


Carl works as a loan officer. When he switches to saying “yes” to everything, he starts saying “yes” and approving every loan that comes in. He approves loans for ridiculous things and to people who have bad credit, but Hollywood being what it is, some of those crazy loans pay off, and every single person pays their loans back on time. He is lauded for his initiative in creating “micro-loans,” and he receives a promotion.

Why this point is stupid in the movie: High risk loans to people with bad credit and stupid business ideas being brilliant? Riiiiight. If this was the real world, you know Carl would have been fired as many of those loans would have defaulted. Saying “yes” doesn’t mean eliminating critical thinking.

What you can still take away from this: The lesson you can take away is that it can pay to get off auto-pilot and look for opportunities in everything that is presented to you. In the flick, Carl got lucky; the loans just happened to work. However, if he had thought about it in advance and came up with the strategy if lending micro-loans, then that may have been brilliant.

Always be aware of risk in the opportunities you are looking at, but don’t be dictated by fear. Taking a few well thought out chances can make all the difference.

You Should Say “Yes” To Learning

You’re never too old to learn

You’re never too old to learn


As he proceeds on his journey, Carl says yes to every class and learning opportunity that comes along. He learns Korean, learns to play the guitar, and learns to fly (a plane, not on his own). As you might expect, he finds a need for each of these skills later on in the movie.

Why this point is stupid in the movie: I’m not sure what the exact time frame of this movie is, but he pretty much becomes amazing at everything he does. He plays the guitar well, becomes a full plot able to fly on his own, and (most amazingly) becomes fluent in Korean – all at the same time! Also all while he has his job, is dating, and saying “yes” to everything else that comes along. Learning doesn’t happen that fast, especially when that unfocused.

In that time frame Carl also has occasions to use his Korean speaking skills to get good service at a store and then uses his guitar skills to talk a suicidal Luis Guizman off a ledge! Most of us won’t have such dramatic need for our skills. I have trained in the martial arts for over 20 years. Guess how many times I have had to use it? That’s right: zero.

What you can still take away from this: Keep learning. Learning is awesome. It keeps the mind young, keeps us engaged in life, and helps us grow as people. Even if you never have occasion use your skills, learning for learning’s sake is a very good thing. Just don’t overextend yourself and try to master 20 things at once. Pick one thing you have always wanted to learn and go out and learn it. You will not be disappointed.

The Big Takeaway

yes
The big lesson you can learn from “Yes Man” is simple: say “yes” to more stuff. Not to everything, just to more than you are currently doing now.

The easiest way to do this is to switch your “internal default” from “no” to “yes.” So many of us, when faced with anything new or different, immediately think “no” and then need to be talked into switching to “yes.” Do a trial where you reverse that. Every time you are faced with a new opportunity, immediately think “yes,” and then ask yourself “why not?” If you can think of a good reason why not to, then don’t do it. Otherwise, say, “yes,” jump in, and have fun – you might be surprised where it takes you!

***
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Posted in Business Advice, Motivation & Success | Tagged | Leave a comment

Better Relationships Through Improv Comedy!

Posted on February 14, 2010 by Avish

swans(Here’s a repost of an article I wrote a few years ago on how to use improv comedy to have better relationships – enjoy!)

Today is Valentine’s Day, and so I have decided to share some ideas on how to use improv comedy to be a good “Valentine” It’s a little (or a lot) different from the traditional “Improv for Business” stuff, but if I can’t act outside-of-the-box once in a while, who can? 🙂

Here are the “Better Relationships Through Improv Comedy!” Tips!

Put your focus on your partner

In improvisation, your partner is the most important thing you have. You work with them to create a magical improv scene. In relationships, your partner (literally, in this case – your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, etc) must be the most important thing to you. Not 24 hours a day – life is a flowing river where the most successful people manage their priorities and what’s important – but when you are with your partner be completely present and put 100% of your attention on them.

Another easy way to do this is to just listen! It’s amazing how far a little true listening can go towards building a connection between two people!

The improv comedy way to do this is to “empty your mind.” Put aside all of the thoughts running through your head and have an empty mind as you interact with your partner. Take a few minutes before hand to breathe deep and clear your mind. Put your thoughts on the other person – what do they want? What are they feeling? How can I help them? This is an easy way to create rapport and let your partner know you care.

Let go of control

Relationships, like improv comedy, are unscripted. You may plan a romantic dinner complete with gourmet food and candles, but your partner may suddenly get caught up in a huge traffic jam and throw off everything. You must have the ability to let go of control and flow with what life gives you!

An improv comedian who tried to control events on stage is considered to be a poor partner and a bad improviser. Similarly, if one person, or both, in a relationship tries to control it, they will be considered dominating and insecure. While your intention is good (you want to make the relationship the best it can be for both people) your ability to let go of control and flow with both life and your partner will amazingly increase your connection. Remember, the word is “partner” – you are working with somebody to build something amazing, not dictating to them what they must do.

The next time life throws an unexpected monkey wrench into your plans, say to yourself, “this is not at all what I want, but it is what it is. Now what can I do to be happy, make my partner happy, and make sure we both get what we need and want?” This will shift your focus from blame and stress to solution and happiness – a much better way to be!

Be creative

Relationships are a tough balance of security and surprise. It’s wonderful being with a great person and knowing they’re going to be there, day in and day out. At the same time, once you get into a rut, it can get depressing to know that the same person is going to be doing the same thing, day after day! 🙂 Keep things interesting using your creativity.

How? Well, I’m not going to create a giant list here. However, you know the types of things you and your partner enjoy. You also know the things in your relationship that have gotten a little stale. Use the creative process around these ideas to generate some ways of enjoying the things you love in new and exciting ways.

***
conference speakerAre you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Conference Speaker page now!
 

Posted in Motivation & Success | 1 Comment

6 Freakin’ Great Things About Being Single!

Posted on February 12, 2010 by Avish

36607566Valentine’s Day is in two days, and this is the time when many single people start to feel bad about their single status. Yesterday, I posted , which in and of itself was a follow up to .

Today, I offer the counter point! There is no reason to feel bad about is. In fact, there are some great things about being single. Freakin’ great things!

Here are six of them:

Shopping

You know he’s not really enjoying this, right?

You know he’s not really enjoying this, right?


Perhaps this point should be, “lack of shopping.” I have about a 45 minute threshold when it comes to shopping. After that point, I get pretty bored and antsy. This is probably due to psychological scarring caused by the childhood trauma of being forced to accompany my parents to the India Sari Palace in Jackson Heights, Queens, while my mom spent God knows how long buying Indian clothes. Let me tell you, there are few things as boring for a young lad than the India Sari Palace in Jackson Heights, Queens.

As an adult, I have found that going shopping with my female family members quickly devolves into a game of “how quickly can I find a bookstore/coffee shop/food court to sit in and wait?”

This game becomes unwinnable when you are with a significant other, because you have to stay there with here. She wants your opinion on stuff. Or she likes to consider this “us” time that you can not walk away from.

These days, my shopping trips consist of quick “run in, get what I need, run out” type trips. Or I go with people who like the same stuff I do. Or I go alone and enjoy myself without subjecting anyone else to my nonsense.

Ladies, if you disagree with this point, remember, “shopping” is a very general term. If you have ever been dragged to a comic shop, karate store, sports hall of fame, or electronics mega-store, then you know of what I speak.

EVERYTHING About Sleeping

Mine - all mine!!

Mine - all mine!!


Sleeping is magnificent, and it is always better alone (note: I am talking about actually sleeping here, not, you know, other stuff…). You know how I know it’s always better alone? Because that’s the one thing that every friend I have who lives with someone always says when their living-mate is away: how much they enjoy having the bed to themselves.

Here are the single person’s sleeping advantages:

  • I get the whole bed – Left side, right side, down the middle, or sprawled out like a sea lion sunning myself on a rock. It doesn’t matter, I get it all. I think I’ll sleep horizontally tonight just to rub it in to my married friends.
  • Sleeping times – My buddy (who sleeps in) told me a story about how his girlfriend (who wakes up early) once woke up, set the clock two hours ahead, then woke him up and said, “get up, it’s already ten o’clock.” He did, and when he realized the ruse he was already up and awake. Guess who never has to deal with that kind of duplicity? Or with “when are you coming to bed?” Or, “could you turn the light off even though you love to read in bed and it helps you fall asleep because it bothers me?” That’s right: this guy.
  • Restful sleep – I think I snore. You why I don’t know for sure? Because I’m asleep when I do it. Doesn’t bother me none, and when I’m single I don’t have to worry about it bothering anyone else. On the flip side, when you’re single you don’t have to worry about anyone else’s snoring keeping you awake. Or their kicking. Or their tossing and turning. Or their habit of wanting to snuggle up in a way that forces their hair up into your nostrils making it relatively impossible to breathe (not that that has ever happened to me…)

Lazy Days

Me, enjoying the day while you work. That is, if I was a 20 something white guy with a piano...

Me, enjoying the day while you work. That is, if I was a 20 something white guy with a piano...

My idea of a nice lazy Sunday: wake up, read for a bit, watch a NetFlix movie, maybe hit the gym, pop out for a bite to eat, do some web surfing, meet some friends for a meal or drinks, catch up on some DVR, read some more, and go to sleep.

My idea of a not so nice, not so lazy Sunday: wake up, read for 2 minutes until you have to get ready to go shopping to run all your errands for the week, which needs to be done early so you can have the rest of the day free to cook, clean, go to someone else’s company picnic, come home, put together an IKEA sideboard, spend 53 minutes moving it inch by inch until it’s in the exact right spot, and then go to bed (without reading of course, because the light bothers someone…).

I know which one I’ll be doing if I’m single, and which I’ll be doing if I’m not.

Movies

Have fun watching this. I’'' be in the theater next door, watching things blow up

Have fun watching this. I’'' be in the theater next door, watching things blow up


Guess what I didn’t have to see in the theater? The Notebook, Autumn in New York, and The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

‘Nuff said.

Guilt Free Non Dieting

Mmmmmmm, nachos...

Mmmmmmm, nachos...

I try to eat healthy (ok, if you know me, stop laughing, I am trying. Shut up, I mean it! I really am trying to eat healthier. Just this week I ate some spinach. That should hold me over for a week or two, right…?)

In any case, when I choose to eat unhealthy, I don’t need to avoid the look of disappointment on a girlfriend’s face, or hear the passive aggressive, “how many beers is that again?” or get the ever so subtle, “hey fat ass, stop eating!”

No, when I eat junk food it’s just me and that little voice in my head, which I have long since learned to suppress and ignore.

Of course, since I will from time to time eat nothing but a bag of chips with accompanying cheese dip, it might not be the worst thing in the world to have a woman “tsk tsking” me about my food intake. But this is all about freedom and choice. I live in America! I like to believe that the founding fathers envisioned a future where I would use the Constitution as grounds to eat eat Spicy Nacho Doritoes and Salsa Con Queso.

I Can Walk Away From Your Craziness At Anytime

For better or worse, sickness and in health, sanity and insanity, ’til death do you part

For better or worse, sickness and in health, sanity and insanity, ’til death do you part


Let’s face it: we’re all crazy. You, me, everyone I have dated, everyone you have dated, everyone either of us will ever date. It’s just a fact. Dating, therefore, is about finding the person who’s craziness your are most willing to put up with.

Once you have committed to someone, you are kinda obligated to put up with their ridiculousiosity.

I could write a long list of stuff that men and women have to put up with when they are in a relationship. But, Dodge put together a Super Bowl ad that lists the man’s point of view, and someone did a spoof/counter video from the woman’s point of view. Why don’t you just go ahead and watch them (note: the woman’s video does have a little profanity at the end – consider yourself warned):

(Note: My favorite thing about the woman’s last stand video is that she mentions that she’ll listen to Rush. I don’t care what the context is, or whether she likes the music, or even if she mocks them – which she doesn’t, she mocks the air drumming – if a woman is willing to listen to Rush with me, well then, that may very well be all it takes for me to fall in love…)

The nice thing about being single is that you don’t have to put up with anyone else’s crazy. You can if you choose to, but at the end of the day you get to leave it behind and let it be someone else’s problem.

Think about that the next time you accidentally get caught right in between an idiotic “discussion” between your friend and his/her significant other.

At the end of the day, would I like to be in a relationship? Sure. If you’re wondering why, then check out this post and this post (not to mention the whole “love and sex” thing…). In the meantime, rather than wallowing in self pity, I am going to take advantage of the freedom and autonomy I have now.

And that’s the real lesson of all of this. It’s great to know what you want and to strive for it, but take some time to enjoy (and really take advantage of) your current situation. Chances are you’ll miss some of the things you have now once you end up getting what you want…

P.S. I accidentally saved this post as “7 Things,” not 6, which is why it says “7” in the URL. So, help me get to seven by adding your own. What do you like about being single – or what do you miss now that you’re not?

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Posted in Just Funny, Lists | 2 Comments

Valentine’s Day Humor: 5 MORE Things That Suck About Being Single

Posted on February 11, 2010 by Avish

36607020Valentine’s Day is approaching and that means that it’s society’s chance to make people feel really bad about being single. It’s bad enough that single people who don’t necessarily want to be single (like *cough* myself) are single, but now we get a whole day (and preceding month or so of advertising) to have our singleness rubbed in our faces.

Rather than rail against it, I have decided to join in! About six months ago I posted a list of things that suck about being single that have nothing to do with love or sex. In honor of Valentine’s Day, I present 5 MORE things that suck about being single that have nothing to do with love or sex.

Single people, you may join me in commiserating. Coupled folk, consider this an insight into the minds of your single friends.

(Note: Be sure to check back in tomorrow when I post the counter argument with a List of Things That are Freakin’ Awesome About Being Single!)

Valentine’s Day

Look’s like she’s hiding something. Maybe it’s her disdain of single people

Look’s like she’s hiding something. Maybe it’s her disdain of single people


Let’s kick it off with the timely one. I don’t care if you like it, hate it, or are ambivalent about it: if you are single, Valentine’s Day sucks. Sucks, sucks, sucks.

(Full disclaimer: I am not one of those people who is morally, philosophically, and economically opposed to Valentine’s Day. I kind of like it. When I’m dating.)

The only upside is that if you go out on V-day you can be pretty sure that just about everyone you meet will also be single. You would think. But not always. One time I went out with friends on V-day and met an attractive and cool friend of a friend. She turned out to be engaged to guy who happened to be away on business. Of course.

Listen up non-single people! I am anti-segregation, but on Valentine’s Day you stick to your romantic restaurants and theater shows and date movies. Leave the bars alone! Leave the coffee shops alone! Leave any and every non-romantic venue where two single people may meet alone!

What’s that? You say your significant other is away? Too bad. Go over a friends house with a case of beer or pint of ice cream and watch the NBA All-Star game or Beaches. What’s that? You say it’s depressing to be alone on Valentine’s Day? Welcome to the single person’s world.

But I’m not bitter…

New Years

This picture makes me hate the New Years kiss even more...

This picture makes me hate the New Years kiss even more...


Speaking of holidays, how about New Years? When you’re single at a New Years party, that whole “countdown to the new year,” thing becomes a “countdown to a depressing reminder of your singleness.” What a spectacular way to kick off the new year.

New Years isn’t so bad if you are at a big party or bar – there are plenty of people around (and hey, you never know, right?) But when you are the eleventh wheel at a five couple event, well then it gets a little depressing. Thank God I could whip out my iPhone and look like I was texting someone really important, otherwise I’d be the creepy guy at the party watching all the other couples hook up.

I’m telling you, if I happen to be single at the next New Years party, I am showing up with a mannequin and kissing it at midnight in hopes that it will turn into Kristy Swanson .

But I’m not bitter…

The Lack of a “Lifeline”

Boring, boring, boring! And no one to talk to...

Boring, boring, boring! And no one to talk to...


I’ll admit it. The real source of my jealousy of my coupled friends is not that they have found happiness (who cares about that?). Rather, it’s that they can go to any event, anywhere, and not worry about being bored because they’ll have at least one person to talk to.

Weddings, networking events, professional dinners, and the dreaded “party thrown by a guy I don’t know that well and don’t know any of his friends but he cornered me and I couldn’t say no so now I have to go.” These may be bad unto themselves, but let me tell you, going alone is exponentially worse than going as a couple.

But I’m not bitter…

Any Family Get Together, Ever

If I need to explain this to you then either

  1. You have been with someone your entire adult life
  2. You have some kind of a perfect Stepford family that never looks at your singleness with desperation and disdain
  3. You are clueless

In any case, I have no time for you.

But I’m not bitter…

The False Setups

This is me. Waiting for you. To set me up. Like you said you would. Months ago.

This is me. Waiting for you. To set me up. Like you said you would. Months ago.


In the first single person’s rant, I talked about the “Last Call Setup,” where someone tries to set you up on a date based on no other information that you are both single (biggest offender on this? My mom. She recently gave me nothing but the name and email address of a girl. And that’s it. And that’s all she knew about her. And the girl lives 300 miles away. I love you mom, but that’s pretty skimpy, even by Indian standards…)

Here I am talking about the reverse situation. I have had quite a few people mention this phrase to me: “Oh, I know lots of single girls who would love to meet a great guy like you. I’ll definitely introduce you.” Guess how many of them have gone on to set me up? Exactly one. Just one. That’s it.

I’m not laying blame or passing the responsibility of my dating life on to anyone else, but don’t say it if you don’t mean it!

And I’m not talking about when someone mentions a specific friend who they want to set you up with, and then it just ends up not working out. That happens. I’m talking about when someone dangles a cornucopia of dating possibilities in front of you and never delivers. Curse you Tantalus!!

Imagine this scenario: Let’s say that you like steak. I tell you, “hey, I make the most amazing steak you have ever had. It’s awesome. I will definitely have you over and make it for you.” This would probably get you excited right? Then imagine that we keep seeing each other periodically, and yet I never make you the steak. I will however keep mentioning to you how, “oh yeah, I’ll have to have you over for this awesome steak recipe some time.” I may even tell you how I had steak on my own last week. Then imagine that for whatever reason, you have not had steak since we first spoke. You’ve tried, but for whatever reason (the restaurant was closed, the steak wasn’t to your liking, you and the steak had different political views, etc.) you just haven’t had any steak. Wouldn’t you get a little annoyed at me for talking so much about the steak but never delivering? Wouldn’t you start wondering if I was ever going to actually make you that steak? Wouldn’t you be tempted to take a steak and shove it down that person’s throat?

Yeah, that’s you when you say, “I know lots of single people to set you up with,” and then don’t.

But I’m not bitter….

Funny, I am really still not bitter at all. Some things just need to be said. And to prove to you I am not bitter and that I can see the bright side of things, tomorrow I will be posting a list of things that are freakin’ awesome about being single! So subscribe or check back tomorrow!

Posted in Just Funny, Lists | 5 Comments

“I Need To Laugh Like This More Often”

Posted on February 10, 2010 by Avish

This past weekend, I laughed my ass off. I hope you did too. If not, keep reading…

I traveled down to Florida to spend two days as part of a planning team for an event this summer. I then stuck around for another day visiting with some very good friends.

The planning meeting involved work, but the team consisted of a great group of people that all have similar senses of humor. So even though there is work to be done, there is usually much laughter. This weekend was no exception.

One night, one of the members says to me, “I need to laugh like this more often. I’ve been laughing so hard my stomach hurts.”

She then said, “I rarely laugh like this. Do you?”

I shrugged and said, “yeah, kind of all the time.”

She said, “really?” Evidently, this level of laughter was an unusual thing.

“Mmm, hmm.” Now I felt bad, like the dumbass who talks about how much he loves his job to someone who just got laid off.

I tried to explain, “I’m lucky enough to live right near some of my best friends, and we all have similar senses of stupid goofy humor, so I get to laugh like this all the time.”

The next morning, unprompted, two others said the same thing – how they never really laugh as hard as when we all get together, which is only about twice a year.

I started wondering whether I was exaggerating the laughs I share with my friends…

Well, the next night I met up with my other friends (two of whom were in from Philly and I see all the time), and sure enough, we all laughed our asses off. There was even a moment where, in a bout of impeccable timing, my friend said something to me just as I had taken a swig of beer. I literally spit the beer up in laughter and had to catch it in my hand. Gross? Sure. But funny…

This got me thinking about a few things:

1) I’m Pretty Lucky

It’s easy to look at what you don’t have, or what you haven’t yet achieved, or what others have that you don’t. I sure as heck do from time to time. Sometimes it’s important to step back and appreciate what you do have. I certainly came home from my trip with a new found appreciation for my friends, my life, and the sheer amount of regular fun and humor that is in it.

Question: What great stuff is in your life that you are taking for granted?

2) We Assume Others Do What We Do

I’ve hung out with some groups before where the people don’t really seem to laugh all that much. At first I assumed that those groups just consisted of a bunch of social duds.

Then I got a wee bit less judgmental, and started thinking that maybe our senses of humor just didn’t match, and that in their own way and on their own time, they probably laughed and had just as much fun as I did.

After hearing multiple people talk about how infrequently they laugh like they did that weekend, I’m not so sure. Maybe there’s a middle ground between “social dud” and “person who laughs all the time.” I think most people fall into this group.

Question: What do you assume others do because you do it? Does that color your actions or opinions in a way that perhaps it shouldn’t?

3) Are People Really Not Laughing?

As a humorist and Motivational Smart Ass, this is my biggest question. Are people really not laughing that much? Why the heck not??

One of the tritest things you’ll ever read on an online dating profile is when someone says, “I love to laugh.” Well, duh! Who doesn’t? Laughing, by definition, is what we do when we feel good (or what we do to feel good). Saying, “I love to laugh,” is like saying, “I rather prefer to not be hit in the head with a hammer.”

So if that’s the case, why do people except lives of limited laughter? Why not seek out laughter and fun in everything you do? You may not find it all the time, but more is better than rarely, right?

Question: Are you laughing enough? (“Yes” is the only acceptable answer to this question. If you didn’t answer with a resounding, “yes,” go out and bring laughter into your life now.)

4) We Need to Bring More Of What We Want Into Our Lives

Maybe you don’t care about laughing your ass off all the time. I can respect that (I may not understand you, but I can respect that). But what do you care about? And how much of that is in your life?

Laughter is important to me, and I have a career and environment that really lets me maximize that. I know people who care about peace and serenity, and they have adjusted their lives to be in an environments that support that. I have a friend who gets depressed by cold weather, so, after 33 years dealing with Philly’s winters, she moved to sunny Phoenix and has been loving it (she once sent me a picture of a coyote who crossed her path while she was walking her dogs. She was fine with this development. In her world, free-roaming carnivorous predators are preferable to a little bad weather. Hey, to each their own…).

How about you? What are you doing to bring more of what you care about into your life? Do you live near people who bring that into your life? Does your work (and the people you work with) add more of that? Do you consistently seek out opportunities to bring more of that in?

And how frequently do you do it? So many people spend all year working so that for just a few days they can experience what they really care about. That seems a bit sad, no? You can and should be experiencing what you love much more frequently than that. You don’t have to go on a 30 day Outback Walkabout to experience nature, or upend your life and live on the beach to find peace, or wait six months to see that one friend you laugh with. Those are great “big” experiences, but you can find little ways every day, week, or month to experience what’s important to you. Life is too short not to.

Question: Have you set up your life to maximize what you enjoy and what’s important to you? If not, what can you do today to start maximizing it?

It’s a simple process, it just needs to be done. Start by figuring out what’s most important to you and then find ways of bringing more and more of that into your life. Whether it’s laughter, peace, nature, adventure, or whatever; find it, increase it, and experience it over and over. Remember, “twice a year” is not nearly enough!

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Email Dumbassery

Posted on February 9, 2010 by Avish

You know what’s great about the internet? You can communicate with anyone almost instantly by sending an email. You know what sucks about the internet? Stupid people can communicate with you almost instantly by sending you an email…

My friend Mike has a company called Game Music, Inc. As you might guess, his company writes music for video games. The other day, he forwarded me an email someone sent him who I suppose was looking for work…

Here’s the email:

Subject: JAMBA – DUDE….???

IM A film/video game composer – how can i be part of your team man?

LOL!

i love it!

Wow. Just…wow.

Normally in these situations I would delete the person’s name to protect the innocent (and stupid). Of course in this delicious bit of email eloquence the guy opted not even to sign his name.

Even taking into account that this guy may be a little younger and the fact that the film/video game music industry isn’t a very tight laced corporate type environment, this is a ridiculous email to send to anyone in a professional context.

20 words, 91 characters, 8 errors (at least). This guy has an impressive “dumbass efficiency” rating.

What I really love is the last two lines: “LOL! i love it!” I can’t begin to even try to understand what he means by that…If he wants to be part of Mike’s team, why is he “LOL!”? And what “it” does he “love”? I would love to watch a conversation where an English teacher is trying to explain the concept of pronouns and antecedents to the email sender. That could easily supplant “My Dinner With Andre” as the best “entire movie based around a single conversation” move of all time.

Also, is it me or shouldn’t there be a comma after “team” on the first line? Unless of course the guy wants to join Mike’s “team man.” Whatever a “team man: is…

What makes this even funnier (and sadder) is what my friend wrote in the email when he forwarded this to me:

Funniest part? His sound is really polished… if only his email was, also. 🙂

Yes, here is a true case where the work was good, but the sheer tidal wave of unprofessionalism made the relationship a non-starter.

I truly hope I am preaching to the choir. Just in case I am not, here are a few takeaways for you:

Universal Principles Are, Well, Universal…

It doesn’t matter what industry you are in or how cool you think you are. People like to work with intelligent professionals who can string words together into coherent thoughts, not with people who make Kevin Federline look like a Rhodes Scholar. Which one does this email make you think the sender is?

First Impressions Matter

I have written this statement many times on this blog, and that’s because it’s very true – and often forgotten. A typo or uncapitalized “I” can be forgiven in the fifth email. But in the first? Not likely. Of course, no volume of emails can can create a situation where “JAMBA – DUDE….???” is an appropriate subject line.

Not All Standing Out Was Created Equal

You want to make an impression and have people talk about you. But not because you look so stupid everyone needs to show their friends. Being memorable and being a dumbass are not the same thing.

I truly hope you would never send an email that ridiculous. However, it is easy to make minor mistakes that are similar to these in any communication. Be vigilant and learn from Jamba’s example – don’t be an email Dumbass

Posted in Business Advice, Just Funny, Motivation & Success | Tagged | 1 Comment