Personal Development Training and Motivational Humor from the Motivational Smart Ass!

Sometimes the greatest opportunities we have are in all the places we fail to look at. I learned this recently when I carved my first Halloween pumpkin!

Yes, this was the first time ever that I engaged in that holiday tradition.

Many of you may find this to be a shocking revelation. “What? You’re 37 years old and you never carved a pumpkin before?!?!”

Nope. Just never happened. My parents weren’t depriving me, and they didn’t think it was demonic or anything. I just never asked, and they never offered.

Now I am dating a girl who enjoys engaging in the pumpkin carving tradition, and she decided that we should carve pumpkins together.

I have to say, I went into it with a simultaneous sense of excitement and dread. Excitement, because hey, I was going to carve my first pumpkin! Cool! Dread, because let’s face it: between emptying out the pumpkin innards and carving out the fine jack o’lantern details, it seemed like a lot of work. Dirty, exacting, painstaking work.

Ewww, pumpkin innards!

Overall, it was a fun experience and the end result made it all worth while:

Now, check ’em out with the lights off:

Pretty cool, huh?

We thought both pumpkins looked really good, but we both agreed that the skull looked better. It took us a minute to figure out why, and then we had it:

The skull is formed by using the “negative space.”

In art, negative space is defined as “the space around and between the subject(s) of an image” (from Wikipedia)

Here’s a classic example:

Is it a goblet, or is it two faces looking at each other? Oooohhh, negative space...

With our pumpkins, in the “window” one, the physical objects (window pane, cat, spider) were all formed with the pumpkin. In the skull o’lantern, all the solid stuff (skull bone and teeth) was created by empty space, and the “empty space” (mouth opening, eye sockets) were created with solid pumpkin material. This created a very cool effect once the candle was put inside.

This got me thinking about the concept of “Negative Space” in our own lives. We pay so much attention to all the things we “do,” such as activities, jobs, missions, tasks, chores, etc.

Sometimes, however, our greatest strengths and opportunities come not from all the things we do, but from the things we don’t do. From the quiet space amidst the chaos.

In life, the Negative Space is all that time around all the time we spend, “doing.” It could be the rare quiet moment we have to ourselves. Or “wasted time” in traffic, lines, and waiting rooms. It may entail the “dead time” between when you get home from work and when you eat dinner.

You may not even be aware of:

1. How much Negative Space you have in your life
2. How much of it you are letting pass you by.

What’s cool is that when I carved the skull pumpkin, I had no idea what it was going to look like. As I was carving it I thought, “wow, this looks awful. Just like a big blob of pumpkiny nothing.” It wasn’t until the candle was inside it and the light illuminated the negative space that I was able to appreciate it for what it was…

Many people bounce between two extremes:

1. Running around working and “doing” at full speed
2. Totally vegged out

I know I bounce between those poles quite frequently.

Negative Space is the third option. It is that quiet emptiness where you aren’t running around “doing” anything, but at the same time your mind is still engaged in the present.

Proper use of your life’s “Negative Space” can help you recharge, refocus, and make the most of your “active time.”

(Side Rant: This would seem to be a logical place to drop in the DeBussy quote, “Music is the space between the notes.” But I won’t. You know why? Because it’s a stupid quote. It has always bothered me. Music is not the space between the notes. If it was, then you could just drop any old notes anywhere and the space between them would still be music. Poppycock!

I get it, it’s a very inspirational quote that reminds us that the pauses and spaces are important. A more apt quote would be “the space between the notes is as important as the notes.” But that doesn’t sound so slick, does it? Music is no more the space between the notes than comedy is the pause between the jokes. Are those pauses critically important? Yup. Would the best timed pauses in the world matter if your jokes sucked? Not so much.

Oh, to make this rant relevant to you, let’s just say this is my way way of saying, “your life is not the negative space you create.” You still have to do something. However, the negative space is important. You need balance, and most people tend to have zero negative space. End Rant)

Here are five ways to create and use Negative Space in your own life:

Think

The more time I spend in the world, the more convinced I become that “thinking” is becoming a lost art.

Take a few minutes during the day to think. When you first wake up, don’t flip on the TV or rush to get your day started. Just take a few minutes to think. Think about your day, your life, about what’s important. A few minutes in the morning can help center and focus your entire day.

You can also spend some time thinking weekly and monthly about your life in bigger terms. You don’t need to go away for a five day “quiet retreat.” Just a few minutes of fully engaged thought can do wonders for you.

As the Buddhists say, “Don’t just do something, sit there!”

Question: When was the last time you just stopped and thought about your day, week, year, or life?

Reflect

Reflecting is like thinking, but while thinking usually concerns the present or future, reflecting is about the past. It can be worthwhile to look back on what got us to where we are so we can then best decide how to proceed.

Keep in mind, I am not advocating dwelling, stressing over, or feeling guilty about the past. Your energy and mindset are important here.

Instead of avoiding the past or dwelling on it, simply sit quietly and think back over your history without judgement. What can you learn? What can you do better? What worked that you should be doing more of?

If negative thoughts and judgement arise, accept and let them go. Don’t get emotional with this. Just simply reflect and learn.

Question: Are you taking time to reflect on the past and learn from your own success and setbacks?

Pause

Creating some “negative space” in the midst of crisis is a powerful way to slow down, stay calm, and make smart decisions. Too often when the Ding hits the fan people switch into “reaction mode.” They leap to their feet and do do something, anything, even if that something isn’t such a smart option.

When things go wrong (and they will) remember to pause, breath, and think before jumping into hasty action. That little bit of “space” creates the calm in the chaos you need to properly move forward.

Question: How do you respond to the unexpected? Do you jump into action, or do you pause, breath, and think?

Contrast

If you spend your whole life chasing after what’s missing, you’ll never have a chance to appreciate what you already have. Sometimes the “negative space” in our lives creates powerfully useful images if we are willing to look at them.

For example:

1. Depressed about being single? Take the time now to pursue hobbies and dreams that you won’t have time to when you are with someone.
2. Didn’t get hired for your dream job?
3. Don’t have enough money? Use your “forced frugality” to learn and practice financial habits that will serve you for a lifetime (like using coupons and the free library).
4. Unemployed? Take advantage of the free time to learn a new skill that will make you more employable in the future.

Too often people focus obsessively on what’s missing or what’s wrong in their lives. This does nothing but make them depressed, keeps them paralyzed, and prevents them from taking advantage of the opportunities they actually do have.

If you’re willing to look for it, you can often find tremendous advantage within the areas you consider “bad” in your life.

Question: “What’s the strength in what’s missing from your life?”

Eliminate

I know a very small number of people who’s days are packed end to end who are truly happy with that setup. If you’re one of those people, good for you – you don’t need to eliminate. For the vast majority of people, however, their busy busy days are filled with a variety of activities that:

1. Don’t excite or energize us.
2. Drain our energy.
3. They don’t want to do but we feel we have to.

A day that is jam packed with draining activities is one that is devoid of negative space.

One of my favorite Bruce Lee quotes is, “It is not daily increase but daily decrease; hack away the unessential.” If you are dissatisfied, stop trying to look for new and exciting things to add to your life, but rather first look for the unessential you can hack away.

Do less and create some negative space that will allow you to think, reflect, and fully appreciate the things you want and love.

Question: – Do you need more or less? What unessential things can you hack away?

You don’t need to start with giant swaths of negative space. Just start out with a little thinking time and cutting out a few non-essentials. Once you see the value of negative space, you will be motivated to add more of it to your life!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pumpkin to dispose of. It seems no one told me that after a few days the pumpkin will grow fungus, collapse in on itself, and release water like it was peeing…

***
For a great free resource on this topic, check out Leo Babauta’s ebook, “Focus.” Leo is the owner of Zen Habits, a terrific blog on simplifying and improving your life. You can download and read “Focus” here.

Last week I posted the “Do Something Great in November” Challenge! (If you haven’t signed up for it, you can still do so – there’s no charge or sign up, just surf over to that post and take a read!)

Spending a month working like a madman (or madwoman) on a new project or activity can be tough. Below are some tips to help you set yourself up for success. While the tips are geared towards the November Challenge specifically, the advice can be applied to any form of goal setting you may choose to embark on:

Prepare

If you read the prior post about the November Challenge, then you know I am taking part in National Novel Writing Month (“NaNoWriMo”). In NaNoWriMo, you are not allowed to start writing your novel until November 1st. However, you can plot, outline, create character sheets, etc. In a word, you can prepare!

I am in the process now of doing all this for my novel. That way, when November 1st hits, I will be ready to hit the ground running.

In the same way, you should prepare as much as you can before beginning your big November goal. That preparation could take many forms:

• Clearing some things off your schedule to make time
• Buying workout gear so you can start right on day one
• Signing up for a group or class
• Researching your activity and creating a plan for the month
• Posting your goal in the comments on this website!

Keep in mind, preparation is not only about the specific task at hand. I know that in order to stay on track for November I need to keep my energy up. This means eating healthy, getting plenty of sleep, getting some exercise (even if it’s just walking) and limiting my consumption of junk food and alcohol. You can bet on Sunday, October 31st I’m going to the grocery store and stocking up on healthy stuff.

Question: What can you do right now to prepare to make November a success?

Aim For Progress, Not Perfection

One reason people fail to take action is because they try to be perfect. That’s a bad approach in general, and a terrible way to tackle the “Do Something Great in November” Challenge.

I am pretty sure the quality of my novel will be worse than a second grade production of “Requiem for a Dream”. That’s ok, for this month I won’t worry about that. I will just keep cranking out words and making progress. I can always go back and edit once draft one is finished.

For your goal, don’t worry about being perfect. Just keep taking action all month long. At the end of the month you can either edit what you created or evaluate your approach and make adjustments. Just give yourself one month to not judge (or over-judge) yourself.

Question: Are you willing to let go of perfection and just be happy with progress?

Plan for Hiccups

The worst thing you can do going into November is assume that you will be perfect everyday.

If I want to hit 50,000 words in 30 days, I need to write about 1,667 words a day. When I’m in a good “Flow” state, I can knock that out in about an hour. By that math, I should plan on spending one hour a day writing every day for thirty days, right?

Wrong.

I can be pretty sure that many days I will not be in “Flow” (or it will take me a lot longer to get to that state). Also, chances are that at some point some unexpected event will throw my day off and make it incredibly difficult to get in my writing. Or I’ll hit a creative wall where getting just 500 words out will take hours.

I need to mentally prepare myself for those “off days.” If I go in expecting everyday to be great, then the first time a hiccup occurs I’ll get thrown completely off track.

My goal is to set aside 2 hours a day to write (not easy, but doable if I wake up early), and to complete 2500 words per day. Some days I may very well get more done than 2500, and some days the 2500 will come faster than 2 hours. That should balance out the off-days (I hope!)

Question: Is your November plan based on everything going right everyday, or have you built in some “margin for error”?

Set Up a Proper Environment

Your environment will play a huge role in your success.

As a writer, I know that the emptier my table is when I write, the easier it is for me to be productive (cluttered desk=cluttered mind). When it comes to working out, if I wait until the evening the gym gets so crowded I tend to half-ass my workouts. As a person who loves eating unhealthy, I know that if I have no food in the house, I get very tempted to run out and grab an unhealthy burger or pizza.

Only you know the environment that will work best for you. Take some time this week to:

1. Think about what you need in your environment.
2. Set up your environment for success as best you can.

Also remember that environment includes the people around you. Are they the type of people that will support you in your endeavor or criticize you for being stupid? Will they help you or sabotage you? Will they understand if you take a month and don’t see them as much, or will they make you feel guilty about it?

Be careful who you share your dreams with. If you are going to try to do something great in November, the last thing you need to do is waste energy on the nay-sayers.

Question: Is your environment set up to help you maximize your chance at success?

Measure Success Based On What You Have Control Over

Take a good look at the goal you set for yourself for November. Is it set up so you can judge your success based on things you can control?

Say your goal is to “grow your business by landing three new clients.” Good goal, but the problem is that some of that goal is outside your control. You may just be unlucky and not make the right contacts. You can’t completely control the outcome. However, you can control your activities.

“I will make 10 cold calls a day,” or, “I will attend one networking event a week,” or “I will send 500 direct mail pieces this month” are all activities you can control that should help you achieve your result goal.

There is nothing wrong with a “result goal.” Have those goals, but then decide on a series of activities you can consistently do to achieve those result goals. Then commit to doing them and measure your success based on wether you completed those activities. And if you do complete those activities and see no results, just change the activities as needed.

(For more info on this topic, read my Result Goals Vs. Activity Goals post)

Question: Have you set a series of “activity goals” for yourself that you have direct control over, or are you pinning your hopes on other people and circumstances?

Sacrifice

Yup, it took me this long to get to it, but it’s true: if you want to do something great in November, you’re going to have to make some sacrifices.

In my experience, this is easy to understand but hard to implement. So many people (myself included at times) want to achieve something or make our lives better but are unwilling to change, sacrifice, or do something (anything) different to make it happen!

Your sacrifice doesn’t need to be huge, but chances are you’ll have to make some changes to do something great in November.

Here are some of the sacrifices I am making:

• Sleep – I’m going to be getting up earlier on weekdays to work on the novel.
• TV – For the first week in November, I am going on a total “TV fast.” No TV at all, for 7 straight days. Once the first week is past, I will still maintain strict control over my TV watching.
• Social Activities – I plan on maintaining a social life in November, but I’ll be turning down many offers to “grab dinner,” “hang out,” or “meet up for lunch,” that I would ordinarily say yes to.

None of these are earth shatteringly huge, but they all will shake me out of the status quo. And sometimes that’s all you need to get moving!

Question: Are you willing to make a few small sacrifices to achieve something really cool and big?

Here’s My Challenge to You

If you are participating in the challenge (and if not, I urge you to read, the Challenge Post and consider joining) then in the comments section below, add your own thoughts on one or both of the following:

1. What are you personally doing to prepare for the November Challenge
2. What other tips do you have for participants to help them make the November Challenge a success?

It’s ACHIEVEMENT TIME!

Do you have a major goal you would like to achieve that you have been putting off? Would like to achieve that goal (or at least make massive progress towards it) in one month? If so, then keep reading…

It’s Time to Make Something Happen

I don’t know what your major goal is, but I know mine: Write a novel.

For as far back as I can remember, I have wanted to write a novel. When I was eight years old I cut some paper into “novel sized sheets” (what the heck did I know about manuscripts and formatting?), sat down at our family’s electric typewriter, and banged out 4 pages to start my first brilliant novel.

I didn’t get any farther than those four pages, but the desire was planted inside of me.

Of course the desire was there, but the action wasn’t. I have spent all these years never doing the one thing that would help me achieve my goal: Sitting down and writing!

Well, it’s time to change that…

You see, I recently learned that November is National Novel Writing Month (“NaNoWriMo,” for short). Every year, people spend the month of November writing their novels. That’s right, the goal is to get draft one of a complete novel (at least 50,000 words) done in just thirty days…

In order to fulfill (or at least progress) my dream of writing a novel, I am going to participate in the 2010 NaNoWriMo!

Yup, I’m going to write at least 50,000 words for a novel in the span of one month (disclaimer: NaNoWriMo is about getting to 50,000 words, so if the novel isn’t done but I hit that mark, I still win).

More importantly for you…

I Would Like You To Join Me In Doing Something Great In November!

I’m not saying you have to write a novel or participate in NaNoWriMo. But I invite you to come up with your own goal or activity and attack it with a vengeance for the month of November!

If writing a novel is not your thing, here are a few things you could do:

1. Take on a big fitness goal
2. Learn a foreign language
3. Start (or grow) a business
4. Pick up a new skill, like dancing or karate
5. Tackle a home improvement/maintenance/de-cluttering project

The specific goal you pick is up to you (tips on how to pick a “good” project are below). The important thing is that you do something!

Question: What would you love to do that you have put off, neglected, or ignored for far too long?

Here’s the Deal

I am doing something great for myself in November, and I want you to do something great for yourself too! As such, I want to support you on your journey…

Here’s how I would like to help you:

• I will be posting regular updates in this blog about my progress, challenges, and surprises. Hopefully that will encourage you and make you feel like you are not alone
   
• I invite you to post your own progress, challenges, and surprises in the comment section of my updates. That way we can all help each other.
   
• Accountability helps! By publishing this blog post, I am making myself accountable. You can do the same thing by posting your November goal in the comment section below. At the very least, I will hold you accountable by emailing you periodically and checking in.
   

There’s no cost or sign up. Just post in the comments below letting me and the world know what you will be doing. Then check back in (or better yet, subscribe by RSS or Email) and update us on your progress.

Question: Are you willing to step up, declare your November intention, and be accountable?

“Sounds Good Avish, But November Is Not A Good Month For Me…”

Bah! It’s never going to be a good month! There will always be too much going on, you will always have too much to do, and “three months from now” will always seem like the perfect time to start.

Consider this your motivational kick in the ass! At least if you do it now, you won’t be alone – you can follow along with my progress and share your own.

To be honest, November is not the best month for me either. I am very tempted to push it off (January is looking mighty good for this…). But NaNoWriMo is November, so that’s when I’m going to do it. Besides, there’s no time like the present!

As a self employed person, it would be easy for me to spend all of my time writing a novel and let my business slide for a month. That would be stupid. Colossally stupid. So, for the month of November, I plan on maintaining all of my regular “life obligations.” These include:

• Regular posts to this blog
• Working on and writing posts for another site I am doing with a partner
• Developing and delivering speaking engagements I have in November
• Completing a side freelance assignment I have taken on
• Exercising regularly
• Having a social life
• Going away and seeing my family for Thanksgiving

Question: Is November really not a good month or are you just putting up one more in a long line of excuses that perpetually keep you from achieving what you truly want?

Tips On Picking the Right Project

There’s really no right or wrong here; whatever you truly want to do and are willing to commit to is fine.

If you are stuck, however, here are a few tips to help you pick a great project:

• Make it big enough to stretch you – A big goal is not about the status quo. It’s also not about “slow and steady improvement (a perfectly valid approach, but not the point of this project). Pick something big enough that you know you’ll have to push yourself. You’ll know you’re on the right track if your goal mostly excites you but also scares you just a little bit.
   
• But not so big you snap – Of course there are limits to stretching yourself. Don’t pick a goal that is so big that you’ll give up after three days. There is an art to picking the right size goal. Unfortunately, everyone is different so I can;t give you a hard and fast guideline. I will say this: if, when you think about the goal, you feel more fear than excitement, you’ve probably made it too big for yourself.
   
• It should be motivating – Sounds obvious, right? The key is that you pick something that gets you going. What you want to do, not necessarily what you think you should do. For example, I could make the argument that I should be spending all that time on my business. However, what I really want to do, what really motivates me, is the thought of writing the novel. As long as I don’t let the business lapse (see above) I’m going with the motivating one.
   
• What does your gut tell you? – When in doubt, pay attention to your gut. Chances are, when I asked you what you really wanted to do, an answer popped into your head. It’s probably an answer that’s been popping into your head for years and you have been ignoring it. Stop ignoring it! Spend just one month throwing yourself fully into that project and see what happens.

Question: What is the big goal your gut is telling you to pursue?

Why You Should Do This

If you’re wondering why you should bother doing this, here are a few reasons:

• Achieving Your Goal – Clearly, the primary benefit of doing this is that you achieve (or make great progress towards a goal. That in and of itself should be more than enough. However, there are a few more benefits…
   
• Building New Habits – There is some disagreement on how long it takes to form a habit, from the colloquially stated “21 days,” to the more scientifically researched 66 Days. By the second number, 30 days is not long enough to fully instill a new habit, but it is well on the way. And let’s face it, while achieving something great in a month will be awesome, wouldn’t it be more awesome to build a habit that allows you to continue progressing long after the month is over?

  As you go about your tasks, think of your activity as “building a habit.” Don’t think to yourself, “I can’t wait until this month is over.” To do this, you may have to divide your activities into two categories:

  1. Habit building
  2. Goal achieving

  For example, I want to build the habit of writing fiction first thing in the morning. But there may be many days where I will need or ant to write in the evening as well to complete NaNoWriMo. The morning writing will be habit building, the evening writing will be goal achieving.

  When I wake up in the morning and don’t feel like writing, I’ll focus on the fact that I’m building a habit that will support me for the rest of my life. When I need to kick myself in the ass to write in the evening, I’ll focus on the goal of getting 50,000 words done this month.

  As you go through your big November goal, put some of your attention and energy on building habits that will serve you once the month is over.
   

• Developing New Awareness – One reason to take on a large goal that stretches you is to simply show yourself that you can. You can find the time, you can exert the discipline, you can achieve that which you were previously unable to achieve. One of the primary things that holds many people back is simply their own lack of belief in their own potential. By busting your ass and making major progress on a major goal, you can overcome that belief and build momentum to do more.

Question: If you don’t do this, what will you do to achieve your goals, build new habits, and break limiting beliefs?

The Next Step

November first is fast approaching. Here are a few things you can to get ready for the “Do Something Great in November” challenge:

1. Pick your goal
2. Declare it below
3. Check back in (or subscribe by RSS or Email) to this blog (In a few days, before the challenge begins, I will be publishing a “Tips to Make ‘Do Something Great in November’ a Success” post. UPDATE – the tips are up! You can read them here)

Question: Are you going to join me in a crazy, wonderful November, or are you going to let yet another month pass you by?

I have a guest post up at Pick The Brain. You can read it here:

5 Ways to Live a Drama Free Life

If you want to live a “drama free life,” (and who doesn’t?) then this article is for you! Please use their “Re-Tweet” button to pass it on (and email it to friends and share it on your Facebook!)