6 Traits that Separate Winners from Whiners

Posted on February 5, 2010 by Avish

I wrote a guest post for Pick The Brain. You can read it here:

6 Traits that Separate Winners from Whiners

Posted in Motivation & Success | Leave a comment

Funny Motivation: It Takes A Village To Raise A Village Idiot…

Posted on February 4, 2010 by Avish

It’s easy to look at a bad performance and assume a person is just stupid or has no skill. Usually though, there’s a lot more going on behind the scenes.

I recently posted on how Nicolas Cage’s awful “not the bees!” performance in “The Wicker Man,” was a great example of why we all should be willing and able to move on from our failures – even people who have reached the top of their field can put in a miserable performance.

This week, a few awards and nominations were announced that reinforce this whole idea of people having highs and lows. Not only that, but it turns out there is even more we can learn. Take a look at two such nominees:

Sandra Bullock

sandra_bullock1
Sandra Bullock made history by being the first person ever nominated for both a Razzie and an Oscar in the same year. The Oscars represent the “best of” for the year, the Razzies represent the “worst of.”

Her “best acting” nomination is for her performance in “The Blind Side,” and her “worst acting” nomination is for her performance in “All About Steve.” As far I know, she is considered a front runner for both…

One person having the best and worst performance in a single year. Astonishing.

(Side note: I know some people have always hated Sandra Bullock, even when does excellent work. Well I’m not ashamed to say I have been a huge Sandra Bullock fan over the years, especially when she first started. Speed, Demolition Man, Love Potion #9, and While You Were Sleeping – awesome! Then she made some clunkers. Ok, maybe more than just some clunkers – can anyone say “Two if By Sea,” “Speed 2: Cruise Control,” “In Love and War,” “Premonition,” “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous,” “Murder By Numbers,” and “The Lake House?” The Lake House! How do you try recapture the “lightning in a bottle” that was Speed by recasting the two stars…in a sappy fantastical romance??? That’s…just….dumb… But I have always enjoyed Ms. Bullock. So there.)

George Clooney

george-clooney

Also nominated for an Oscar (for best performance by a male) is George Clooney for his work in “Up in the Air.” This same week EMPIRE magazine released their picks for worst movies of all time. Number 1? “Batman and Robin,” starring – you guessed it – George Clooney.

To be fair, Batman and Robin was an atrocious crime against cinema, comics, and humanity for many reasons. Mostly I blame the dialog, acting, directing, story, script, production, cinematography, editing, sound design, lighting, and all the grips – set, key, head and best boy. Other than that, it was fine.

While you can’t put all the blame on Clooney, he wasn’t great, and at the end of the day, he was the dude in the Batsuit…

There are a few important lessons we can all learn from the highs and lows of Bullock, Clooney, and Cage:

Lesson 1: Colossal Failures Take a Lot of Effort

Sure, Travolta is the main culprit, but a lot of people were involved in the making of this movie...

Sure, Travolta is the main culprit, but a lot of people were involved in the making of this movie...


There are a lot of people involved in making a movie. While you can often give a lot of credit or foist a lot of blame onto one person, usually it is a collaborative effort. Actors need good scripts and solid directing. Editors need the right raw footage. Directors need everyone to be solid.

When we look at an abysmal failure, we want to blame an individual. That makes it nice and easy for our minds to comprehend (and makes for a neat little “movie of the week” down the road). It is far more likely that a combination of factors and people led to it. Otherwise, Sandra Bullock would always be awful or always be awesome

In a nutshell “It takes a village to raise a village idiot”

Speaking of Colossal Failures and “Villages,” how about M. Night Shyamalan? How does a person go from the Sixth Sense to Lady in the Water? Amazing. Talk about highs and lows. But I can’t be too hard on M. Night, since he’s one of my people (what? I mean he’s a Philadelphian. What did you think I meant…?).

Question: What kind of “village” do you have? Is your team primed to pump out highly successful material or BatmanAndRobinesque village idiots? There may be one person at fault, but everyone has a responsibility.

Lesson 2: Be Not So Quick to Judge on One Effort

Stallone got an Oscar nomination for his first major role in Rocky. On that one experience, everyone thought he was a great actor...

Stallone got an Oscar nomination for his first major role in Rocky. On that one experience, everyone thought he was a great actor...


We human beings like to evaluate and categorize things as quickly as possible. It’s natural; it’s how we cope. It is also how we make big mistakes and incorrect generalizations.

If you only saw, “All About Steve,” and “The Wicker Man,” you would assume that Sandra Bullock and Nic Cage are the two worst actors in the history of the world. If you only saw, “The Blind Side” and “Leaving Las Vegas” you would think they were the two best actors in the world.

They are, of course, neither.

Realize that everyone has ups and downs. Don’t make rock solid judgements on a person (or location, business, restaurant, etc.) based on only one experience.

Question: What have you judged based on only one experience (good or bad)?

Lesson 3: realize that some people will judge you on one effort

James Cameron’s first movie. Guy went on to create the top 2 most successful movies of all time. Imagine if we judged him on just his first outing??

James Cameron’s first movie. Guy went on to create the top 2 most successful movies of all time. Imagine if we judged him on just his first outing??


On the flip side of “not judging others based on one effort,” is the fact that you must accept the reality that people will judge you based on one effort. This is why first impressions are so important.

Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yes.

It doesn’t matter how good you were yesterday, last week, last month, or lest decade (and we all know people who try to live out their lives based on how good they were 10 or more years ago…). It only matters how good you are today, right now, in this moment. So do your best to be your best, all the time.

The refreshing side of this is that you can move on from bad past experiences. Even if you were really bad before, you can find new people to connect with and amaze when you get good (though admittedly, the internet does make it a little harder these days to move on from bad earlier performances).

Question: Are you doing your best to be your best, every day?

Lesson 4: Sometimes You Don’t Suck, You’re Just Used in the Wrong Way

Whoa...

Whoa...


You know what’s weird? Michael J. Fox as a tough soldier in Vietnam in “Casualties of War.” You know what else is weird? Golden Globe winner Raul Julia as M. Bison in Street Fighter(?!?!?). You know what else is weird? Keanu Reeves in any movie where his primary emotion is not “bewildered.” (Have you seen Keanu Reeves in “Much Ado About Nothing”? If that casting director can continue to get work after that, then truly, we all can recover from any failure ever. Any failure. Ever.)

You can be the most talented person in the world in your field, but if you get put in the wrong role, you may fail. If that happens to you and you start feeling depressed, just imagine me holding your head while channeling Robin Williams from “Good Will Hunting”: “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.”
its-not-your-fault
Ok, the fact that you allowed yourself to get into that role in the first place may very well be your fault. But beyond that, realize that we all have our “thin slivers” of brilliance. It’s ok to push and stretch yourself beyond that (that’s how you grow), but if fails, pick yourself up, learn from it, and move on.

Sophia Coppola was universally panned for her work in Godfather III. But that wasn’t her thing. Her thing is directing, and she got an Oscar nomination for directing “Lost in Translation.”

My speaking presentations are a blend of improv comedy, motivational advice, business skill training, funny storytelling. Forgive me for being immodest, but I’m pretty awesome at it and audiences love it. Of course, if I get stuck in front of a group that wants hardcore systematized selling techniques or straight stand up comedy (or who have no taste) I can fail. it sucks. But it’s a matter of being in the wrong role, not being a failure.

Question: Are you in the “right” role for you? What is the right role? Have you even thought about it before?

Take a lesson from some of our favorite movie stars: when someone fails, whether that person is you or someone else, there are usually quite a few factors that contribute to it – make sure you have the whole story!

***
conference speakerAre you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Conference Speaker page now!
 

Posted in Just Funny, Motivation & Success | Tagged | 2 Comments

Bad Communication: A Tale of Two Stupidities

Posted on February 3, 2010 by Avish

the postmanSometimes I get concerned that maybe people don’t need to hear what I write or talk about because after all, it’s not rocket science, right? I mean, this is basic stuff that everyone probably already knows, like how to avoid bad communication and how to keep things in perspective. And then I take a few steps out of my front door and realize, “wow, this is not stuff everyone knows. And if they do know it, they sure as heck aren’t using it.”

I was standing in line at the post office when I overhead a ridiculous but interesting exchange between a woman trying to mail a package and the post office employee.

The post office employee, asks “Is there anything dangerous, flammable, etc. in this package?” She didn’t say “etc.” I just forget the exact words. But it’s the standard disclaimer question they ask to make sure you are not mailing bombs. Though I am guessing if you were mailing bombs you would lie and say “no.” So I suppose that’s not a fool proof plan…

The woman responds, “It’s glasses.” To you and me, that means that the package is not flammable, explosives, or “etc.” If not, those are some crazy glasses.

That’s to you and me. Sane rational people. Maybe not so to the employee. She responds, “ok is there anything dangerous, flammable, etc. in this package?”

The woman, confused and with annoyance in her voice says, “it’s just glasses.”

I start paying closer attention, because we clearly have potential for a category five “Finger of God” train wreck here.

Our post office employee responds with – you guessed it! – “is there anything dangerous, flammable, etc. in this package?”

Reading it, you may assume that I had somehow fallen magically into an Abbott and Costello sketch. Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole into Absurdland. However, seeing this unfold live, and having a modicum of intelligence, I realized that the employee was looking for a “yes” or “no” answer. Heck, by federal regulations she may have been required to get a verbal “yes” or “no.”

Of course, rather than simply saying, “I need to get a yes or no answer,” she just kept asking the same question.

Lesson #1: Change Tactics, Part 1

If you keep asking the same question over and over and keep getting the same wrong response over and over, change your damn question! Or explain why the answer is insufficient.

Now, it does take two Mensa students to have a truly ridiculous argument, so the woman responds with – wait for it! – “I told you, it’s just glasses!” Very frustrated, very angry.

Lesson #2: Change Tactics, Part 2

If someone else keeps asking you the same question over and over and you keep getting the same response over and over, and they don’t seem to accept or understand it, change you damn answer! Or ask why the answer is insufficient.

To this point in our tale, I was on the side of the woman trying to mail her glasses. It seemed that the employee was being intentionally obtuse (though I have learned over the years to never underestimate people’s ability to be unintentionally obtuse…)

But then emotion got the better of our harried glasses sender. I don’t remember the exact dialog, but there were angry words and some name calling that resulted in the woman taking her package back with a, “I don’t trust you so I want my package back.” Oh snap!

This pleasant exchange ended with the employee saying, “have a nice day,” (without irony or sarcasm, I might add) and the woman walking away saying, “I do not hope you have a nice day.” Oh snap snap!

Lesson #3: Recognize Bad Communication For What It Is

Recognize bad communication for what it is: bad communication. I have seen more people get into a huff and assume someone else is intentionally trying to insult them when, if they looked at it objectively, they would realize that it was simply the person’s poor communication skills. I’m not excusing rude behavior, but to take it as a personal attack is just making life harder for you Some people say, “oh they know; people aren’t stupid, they know exactly what they are saying and doing.” Sorry to burst that bubble, but I’ve been speaking to and working with groups for a while, and I have to say, “yes, some people are stupid, and lots of people have no idea how to communicate properly and effectively.” Don’t take this stuff personally and your life will have a lot less stress in it.

The woman left in a huff, and I of course averted my eyes to a) make sure I didn’t get sucked into one of those, “can you believe her?” exchanges I loathe but that strangers seem to try to drag me into and b) avoid getting locked into some kind of Medusian death gaze.

I couldn’t help but think that this woman just stood in line at the post office, got her blood pressure up, and ended up wasting all her time by taking her package back. She was going to have to try to resend some other time, right? All because two people (one of whom was herself) just couldn’t communicate their way out of a paper bag.

Lesson #4: Communication Matters

Whether it’s being a great leader, making sales, delivering great service, or simply connecting with family and friends, our ability to communicate effective matters. A few simple skills can prevent a lot of headache and lead to a lot of success. It’s not hard; it just takes a little thought and effort.

I don’t know whatever happened to that woman and her glasses. Maybe she found another post office employee, maybe she FedExed them instead, or maybe she had them delivered by courier. In my Pollyanic, “I want the world to be good,” thoughts though, I hope that she reads my blog, has a change of heart, and goes back to the original employee and offers her a Bundt cake as a peace offering. That would be swell.

That probably won’t happen, so it’s up to you to now fall into the same trap. The next time you find your temper rising due to a simple stupidity of communication, just say to yourself, “it;s just glasses!” and let it go…

***
conference speakerAre you planning an event and looking for a great speaker that can work on your group’s communication skills in a way that adds humor and energy to the event? Then visit Avish’s Conference Speaker page now!
 

Posted in Business Advice, Motivation & Success | Tagged | 3 Comments

Get Out of Your “Groundhog Day” Rut!

Posted on February 2, 2010 by Avish

Groundhog-Day“The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.”
– Gerald Burrill

Have you ever gotten stuck in a rut? No shame there, we all do. The problem is when we a) don’t realize we are in one or b) don’t know how to get out of it. I feel that today, February 2nd, otherwise known as Groundhog Day in the U.S., is a good day to talk about this…

Groundhog Day the holiday revolves around a ridiculous little tradition of determining whether we are having more or less winter based on antics of a groundhog with Sciophobia. Yes, we’ve put a man on the moon, developed computers small enough to fit inside Ant-Man’s thumb, and somehow found a way to make Jimmy Fallon a star, and yet despite all those achivements every February news reports persist in letting us know whether a woodchuck saw his shadow (this year the answer is yes, yes he did).

Groundhog Day the movie is a great little comedy starring Bill Murray. If you haven’t seen it, here’s the story in a nutshell: Bill Murray plays a cantankerous TV weatherman named Phil Connors. Phil is forced to go to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to cover the annual Groundhog Day festivities. An unexpected blizzard strands Phil and his team in Punxsutawney, and he is not happy about it. When Phil awakens the next morning, he finds himself in a time loop; he is living the same day over and over and over again. Only when he accepts his fate and starts living like a good person does he finally break free of the loop. It is never explained why Phil is repeating the same day over and over. It’s just some kind of crazy magical/time thingee.

If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend you do. It is a fine and under appreciated comedy.

I got to thinking about how many people in the world are in a similar time loop. Oh sure, they don’t live the exact same day over and over, but they live their lives the exact same way day after day, week after week, month after month. While they may not be trapped in a magical time loop, they may as well be.

In the world of Groundhog Day, Phil is forced to repeat the same day over and over until he gets it “right” (Here’s a fun article that estimates Phil Connors lived the same day, 3176 times – or, 8 years, 8 months, and 16 days.)

If only we all could be that lucky. Phil got to do it over until he got it right. The rest of us, when we waste a day, we lose it forever. We only get one shot at each day in our lives.

And yet it’s all too easy to get in a Groundhog Day style rut. We like routines and familiarity. So, after time, we start living each day the same way. Wake up at the same time. Go to work the same way. Leave work at the same time. Stop at the gym (or pub). Come home. Eat similar meals. Watch the same shows. Sleep at the same time. Get up and do it all over again. The only difference is that we don’t wake up every morning to “I’ve Got You Babe” on the radio (thank God for that!)

Even if your life isn’t quite that regimented, it is still easy to get in a rut where you don’t do much different or new. And that may be a problem.

To avoid that danger, here are five ways to break out of a rut you may find yourself in:

Do New Things

Seems obvious, right? The easiest way to break out of your rut is to do something new. It doesn’t matter what; take up a hobby, try a new restaurant, read a book in a genre or on a topic you have never read before. It doesn’t need to be huge. Just mix up your life with new things periodically.

Try New Variations on Old Things

Trying something new seem too far out of your comfort zone? Then start by adding variety to what you already do. If you go to the same restaurant for dinner every Friday night, try ordering something you never have before. Keep going to the gym at the same time but try a new workout. Take a different route to work. Try a Mocha latte instead of the usual “half-calf double decaf vanilla soy lite latte.” Just add some variety.

Meet New People

This may be the hardest one on the list. Meeting new people can be a giant pain in the ass (at least it is is if you’re not used to it). And yes, some people you meet will suck. That doesn’t mean that everyone you meet will suck. And keep in mind, not everyone you meet will become your best friend. In fact, most won’t. But making new connections, acquaintances, and friends will open up your world to new opportunities, experiences, and conversations that you would never have otherwise. Just take it slow and don’t jump into a bromance too quickly – or a “sismance,” or whatever the heck the female equivalent of a bromance is.

Question Your Rituals

Of course, the first step in getting out of a rut is realizing that you are in one. Take a look at the things you do regularly, and ask yourself why you are doing them. Are you stuck to a routine that may not be serving you best? Are your rituals holding you back from experiencing more of what life has to offer?

Growing up I had a friend who’s family had “pizza night” every Friday. Nothing wrong with that, and I’m sure many families have something similar. But what’s the most important element to that ritual? Getting the family together to eat a nice, low effort meal. Pizza is just a tool, and there’s no reason the meal would have to be pizza. Couldn’t it be mixed up to try a variety of cuisines?

This is just a simple example, but we all get into routines of doing things a certain way to a point where the original goal gets lost and the ritual itself becomes the goal. That’s a rut.

Add New Attention to Your Old Routine

Here’s a twist. Keep following your old routine, just do it with more attention. The main danger of getting into a rut is that we start sleepwalking through life. We start living our lives on auto-pilot and just “going through the motions.” For a brief period, try doing the same things you already do every day, just pay more attention.

Drive the same route to work, but look closer at what you are driving past. Watch the same TV shows, but let yourself get lost in them as opposed to half watching while your attention wanders. Do your household chores, but pay close attention to the dish you are washing, or the table you are wiping, or the floor you are vacuuming. Seems simple, but by simply adding more attention to the things you do, even the boring ones, you can awaken yourself in a surprising way.

***
speaking-armsAre you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Conference Speaker page now!
 

Posted in Motivation & Success | Tagged | 4 Comments

Interview on Radiospectives

Posted on January 29, 2010 by Avish

I was recently interviewed for the internet radio show, “Radiospectives.” In the interview I talk about how to use humor and improv comedy ideas in business and life. Check it out:

Avish interviewed in Radiospectives

Posted in Business Advice | 1 Comment

5 Conference Speakers That Can Kill a Conference

Posted on January 28, 2010 by Avish

Planning a conference? Be wary of using of these types of conference speakers! Planning to speak at an event? Make sure you’re not one of these presenters! In the audience at a big event? See how many of these you can spot!

The Winger

The Winger is usually an industry leader or expert who feels the he doesn’t need to prepare. He can just “wing it.” He has so much experience and knowledge that he can just get up and start talking and everyone will love it. Sadly, that rarely works.

Winger

Winger!!

I considered calling this person “the Rambler,” or “the Incoherent Babbler,” because that’s what their presentation ends up sounding like. Even if the Winger has good content and good delivery, without a little bit of preparation the presentation usually lacks structure and direction. Without structure and direction, the audience is left wondering, “where is this going?” or “what the heck is he talking about.”

A common version of of The Winger is the speaker who takes their normally longer presentation and tries to fit it in to a shorter time span with no preparation. They don’t change their slides, don’t edit their content, and don’t think in advance about which points they will drop and which they will keep.

For example, I once saw a speaker do the opening one hour keynote, and at the start of the speech she said, “this is usually a three hour workshop, so I am going to skip over some stuff.” By “skip over some stuff” she evidently meant that she would literally skip over slides. She couldn’t be bothered to simply remove some of the slides in advance.

(Warning: Begin Motivational Smart Ass Ranting!) I may step on some toes here, but if you do this you are an idiot. You have been asked to speak; that is both a privilege and a responsibility. Take fifteen minutes to think about your presentation and pull out the unneeded slides. You materials are not that good; you can cut stuff. I’ve also been in the industry long enough to know that some people will intentionally do this with their slides so that the audience will get a glimpse of what is being skipped over. That way they will be enticed to

  1. a) hire him back or
  2. b) buy his products.

If you do that, you are doing a disservice to your audience by putting “future selling” over “effective speaking.”  If you’re any good, you don’t need those cheap tactics. (End Ranting!)

The sad thing is that since the Winger is often an industry or company leader, everyone wants to kiss his ass. As a result, no one ever says:

  1. “Hey Dumbass! You need to prepare for this.”
  2. Or afterward, “Hey Dumbass! That sucked! Next time, prepare.”.

The PowerPoint Assassin

So deadly, he can kill with his bear hands. Or a PowerPoint presentation

So deadly, he can kill with his bare hands. Or a PowerPoint presentation

Speaking of preparing…

Here’s a sad fact: most non-professional speakers interpret “preparing” for their talk as “putting together my PowerPoint.” Here’s a sadder fact: A lot of professional speakers do the same thing.

PowerPoint is like a hammer: it’s just a tool. If you use a hammer properly to pound in a nail, it’s a great and effective tool. If you use it improperly, say to open a tightly sealed jar of Maraschino Cherries, then it’s kind of a liability. In the same way, good PowerPoint can enhance a speech. Bad PowerPoint – by far the more common version – will kill your audience. It’s all in how you use it.

The PowerPoint Assassin is the most common conference killer you will come across. He will create slide after slide of boring, boring text and bullet points. Then he’ll read the slide. Then at some point he will pull up a slide with ridiculously small text and say, “you probably can’t read this, but it says,…” and then proceed to read that slide.

People love their PowerPoint, but they have no idea how to use it effectively. Here are two tips to help you:

  1. Create your entire presentation first, without PowerPoint. Then go back and add the visuals.
  2. Read this page. And check out this site. Very helpful.

The Fluffologist

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man - all fluff, no content

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man - all fluff, no content

The Fluffologist is the speaker who doesn’t really say anything. He kind of throws out some cliches, some platitudes, and plenty of quotes. You know, lots of “fluff.”

His sagacious “wisdom” will include one or more of the following:

  1. Fables that have been etched into millions of plaques sold at Hallmark stores everywhere
  2. Quotes from ancient philosophers
  3. Tales from the Bible, other spiritual texts, or from “the Native American Tradition” (even if they are not Native American)
  4. Motivational sports lines
  5. Stories of other, more experienced, more successful, more effective speakers and business leaders (attributed or not!)

Nothing wrong with any of these (well, except number 5…), but if that’s all your speech has, you just might be a Fluffologist.

Also, the Fluffologist will usually not have read the original work, will be taking the quote out of context, and will probably be using it in a way it was not meant to be used…

Note: the Fluffologist is not to be confused with a good motivational, inspirational, or humorous speaker. In a lot of ways, the Fluffologist is trying to be one of those, but really just haven’t have the chops or experience to pull it off.

You actually don’t need to book the Fluffologist to speak to your group. My friend and Marketing Speaker, David Newman has created a video with all the fluffy quotes you could ever want:

The Beaker

The Beaker is named after arguably the greatest Muppets character of all time:

Brlliant. Just, brilliant

Brilliant. Just, brilliant

You know, the one who only says, “Me me me me me me me me me me me me…”

The Beaker spends his entire time telling you about how awesome he is. He is successful, you are not, and now you are going to hear all about it. It’s like being on a first date where the other person goes on and on about all the stuff in their life but never asks you a question about yours…And then doesn’t even make the token offer to chip in for the bill…And then doesn’t kiss you goodnight…And then doesn’t return phone calls…(I’m speaking hypothetically of course, not from any personal experience…)

Generally, people are asked to speak because they are successful at something and the conference planner wants them to share their experiences. However, there is a fine line between sharing your experience and sounding like a blowhard. If you can actually feel your head growing as you speak, you’ve crossed that line.

  1. If you’re going to talk about how awesome you are, keep it short and make damn sure to give the audience plenty of info on what they can do to achieve the same results.
  2. Unless your name is Martin Yan do not use any variation on the phrase, “if I can do it, you can to!” Don’t. Just…Don’t.
  3. If you want to talk about yourself, tell us about how you messed up and what you learned from it. Don’t be afraid to tell us how much you suck. We probably already know.

The Anti-Gump

I think it is fair to say that sitting on that bench nextto Forrest would be the wrong place at the wrong time

I think it is fair to say that sitting on that bench next to Forrest would be the wrong place at the wrong time

Forrest Gump was a fictional movie character who had a knack for being in the right place at the right time. The Anti-Gump, therefore, is a speaker who is in the wrong place at the wrong time. (yes, I realize that you math and grammar nerds are going to point out how “wrong place at the wrong time” is a double negative and not exactly the opposite of “right place at the right time.” To you I say: shut up. It’s my blog. Get a life, nerd…)

Not every speaker is right for every occasion. A great speaker in front of the wrong group will fail 9 times out of 10. Celine Dion is one of the biggest most successful singers in the world, but if she were to be the opening act for AC/DC, there’d be some trauma. Some serious trauma.

And yes, I specifically chose Celine Dion and AC/DC for that example so I would have an excuse to include this clip:

The point is, if you put a speaker in front of a group that isn’t right for them, the audience will be bored or annoyed. And the planners will have no idea what happened.

If you are being considered as a speaker for a conference (paid, pro bono, for your industry or company, or just for fun), learn as much as you can about the group and the environment. Don’t be afraid to say no.

If you are planning an event, don’t look at potential speakers in a vacuum. Think through whether their style and message will fit your group.

Remember, it’s better to say “no,” than to be the Anti-Gump.

So the next time you are planning to put on or preparing to speak at a conference, keep these five conference killers in mind. Don’t be that guy. Don’t. Be. That. Guy…

P.S. Hey, if you like this post, why don’t you share the love and click the Facebook “Like” button at the top of this page…?

***
speaking-armsAre you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Conference Speaker page now!

Posted in Business Advice, Lists, Talk Gooder | 26 Comments

Society: Creativity Assassin?

Posted on January 27, 2010 by Avish

javier-assassinSometimes I think it’s a wonder that people are able to grow up and have any creativity at all. Why? Because the world is filled with “creativity assassins.” They may not even know they are one, but nonetheless, they are out there, like a conformist sleeper cell just waiting to be activated…

As I had previously written about in my An Example of How School Tried to Beat the Creativity Out of Me post, my third grade class used to have “creative writing assignments.” We would be given a topic and then would have to sit there in class and write a story on that topic.

On one such day my teacher was absent and we had a substitute. The sub gave us the topic and said, “you can write about anything.”

A bell went off in my head! Anything? We could write about anything? Did that mean I did not have to stick to the topic? Hmmmmm…

I asked the sub, “do we have to stick to the topic or can we write about anything?”

The sub looked at her notes and said, “it says you can write about anything.”

Awesome! I was going to let my creativity fly…

I wrote quite a story that day! If I recall correctly it involved a guy being shrunk down in size, creating grappling hooks out of paper clips and thread, and defeating a rat in physical combat by flipping him onto a stove. Creative stuff. I would surely be applauded for my creativity on this creative writing assignment, right…?

Cut to a few days later. My teacher is back, and she is handing back the graded stories. Yes, they were “grading” our creative writing assignments. But not, it seems, on creativity.

The teacher actually talks to me individually and says, “what is this story? This wasn’t the assignment at all.”

“But I asked the sub and she said we could write about anything,” I said.

“You were supposed to write on the topic. You’ve done these assignments before, you should have known better.”

And then I was asked to rewrite the story, this time on topic.

What.

The.

Heck?!?!?

I get the fact that this was an “assignment,” and there were parameters. But this was a creative writing assignment. For third graders. Can we not assume that the point was to simply develop and nurture students’ creativity?? I’m not asking to be rewarded for my creativity on, say, solving a math problem. I’m simply asking to be rewarded for my creativity on an assignment on creativity. Is that so wrong?

If I recall correctly, one of the toughest things about being 8 years old is that you have the insight to sense illogic and stupidity but neither the experience to express it properly nor the respect to be allowed to.

I get it. Sort of. You can’t have students disregarding instructions (even if by doing so they more than fulfill the spirit and objective of said assignment). But why make someone wrong for being creative on a creative writing assignment?

Hell, even James T. Kirk got a commendation for “original thinking” for cheating on the Kobayashi Maru test…

But no, rather than being lauded for creativity, I was punished for a lack of conformity.

And therein lies the rub: A lot of people talk a big game on creativity, but at the end of the day what they really want is conformity.

I once heard a speaker say, “The number one trait employers look for in employees is creativity. The number one trait they reward is conformity.”

(Help me out if you can: I don’t remember the speaker I heard say that, and I don’t have the study that backs it up. if you know either, please let me know)

Even though I don’t remember the source, I don’t doubt that statement in the least. From an early age, we are mostly rewarded for conformity and “good behavior.” True creativity is often met with confusion, disapproval, and alienation.

So what can you do? A few things:

Get in Touch With Your Creative Side

Just because the world has been beating the creativity out of you for years doesn’t mean you have to put up with it! You can start doing things today to reconnect with that part of yourself. Check out my free MP3, How to Think Quick. Read The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Hell, just sit down and try writing something.

Help Foster Others’ Creativity

The world is changing. Knowledge of facts and figures is important, but it is becoming more and more important to be able to think. Developing creativity is the first step in that process. Whether it is to your kids, students, coworkers, employees, or friends, support and applaud other people’s creativity. Even if the end result is not what you want, help support and develop the creative process that got them there. Don’t beat it out of them.

Take a Good Look at Yourself

In addition to the two things above, you should also take a look at what you are currently doing. If you are in a position to influence, supervise, or teach others, is your message consistent with your actions? Are you grading creative exercises on everything but creativity? Are you asking people to “think outside of the box,” and then smacking them down for their crazy ideas?

I hope so, because if not you are part of the problem and definitely not part of the solution.

Remember, a third grader may not have the experience or respect to articulate his disdain for your lack of logic. But someday that third grader is going to grow up, start a blog, and tell you to shove your creative writing assignment up your creativity assassinating ass.

🙂

***
speaking-armsAre you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Conference Speaker page now!
 

Posted in Business Advice, Motivation & Success | Tagged | 5 Comments

Focus on Your Strengths, But Don’t Completely Ignore Your Weaknesses!

Posted on January 26, 2010 by Avish

favreDo you have a weakness in some area of your life that you are avoiding dealing with? Are you hoping that by ignoring it and focusing on your strengths that you might never have to deal with it? As you’ll see from our NFL friends, that may not be the best strategy…

This past weekend the Saints of New Orleans bested the Vikings of Minnesota in the game of football. As a result, the Saints get to play in the Superbowl in Miami and the Vikings get to go hibernate in the Minnesota tundra.

The interesting thing is that if you look at the stats, it really seems like the Vikings dominated that game.

  • Time of Possession: Vikings: 36:49; Saints: 27:56
  • Total Yards: Vikings: 475; Saints: 257
  • First Downs: Vikings: 31; Saints: 15
  • 3rd-Down Efficiency: Vikings: 58%; Saints: 25%

So if the Vikings dominated almost every category, why did the Saints win? Because the Vikings dominated every category except for one:

Turnovers.

Minnesota committed five turnovers – 3 fumbles and 2 interception. Even if you’re not a football fan, you can probably guess that handing the ball to your opponent five times is not a “sure fire success strategy.” One of the interceptions happened in the last two minutes with the game tied. Had that interception not happened, the Vikings had a very high likelihood of winning that game. Instead, the game went into overtime where the Vikings lost.

Even though the Vikings controlled most of the the game, by screwing up one area five times, they lost the most important stat: total points.

The lesson we can learn from the Vikings is this: it doesn’t matter how awesome you are in how many different areas; if you mess up little things in even one area, that can completely derail your success.

There’s a common personal development statement that “you make more progress focusing on your strengths than on improving your weaknesses.” For the most part, I think that’s true, IF the weakness is at least at a baseline level of performance. If not, you better improve your weakness up to a point where it’s not holding you back.

Do you consider yourself a “bad writer”? Ok, no one’s saying you have to write articles, a blog, or a book. But you better have enough grammatical sense to write a coherent email.

Think you’re an excellent leader but you hate having difficult conversations with the people you lead? That’s surely going to be an issue.

Do you give great presentations but occasionally make an off-color or inappropriate remark? Guess what the audience (and decisions maker) is going to remember, every time…

Hate the phone? No problem; don’t cold call and focus on email and face to face communications. But you better be good enough on the phone to connect with a prospect when they call you.

Are you a “really nice person” 95% of the time but 5% of the time you snap at people “when you get stressed?” Sorry, that 5% will label you waaaay more than the 95%.

Often people will avoid working on their weaknesses because a) it feels bad and b) it’s a pain in the ass. They then use the self-help bromide of “focusing on strengths” as an excuse to stick their head in the sand and complain about their lack of success. That’s just silly.

The formula is relatively simple.:

  1. Figure out what you want to achieve
  2. Identify your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to achieving that goal
  3. Objectively and honestly decide if those weaknesses will hold you back
  4. If so, do whatever training, learning, practicing you nee to get them up to at least a baseline level
  5. Then, focus your energy and time on leveraging your strengths

This should be far easier for you than it was for Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings; you don’t have eleven giant men attacking you in an attempt to screw you up!

Posted in Business Advice, Motivation & Success | 2 Comments

Lessons From Choosing an Online Dating Site: Beware of Generalizations!

Posted on January 25, 2010 by Avish

Just because Meg Ryan had a good online dating experience doesn’t mean you will. Or that you won’t. It was just a movie...

Just because Meg Ryan had a good online dating experience doesn’t mean you will. Or that you won’t. It was just a movie...

Being a single guy, I get a lot of advice and opinions on how and where to meet women. Being a human being, I get lots of advice and opinions from a lot of well meaning people on a lot of topics. I’m sure you do too. But have you ever taken a step back and considered how valid some of the advice you get actually is? Perhaps it’s time you did…

I was recently at a brunch with a group of people that for the most part, didn’t know each other. Two girls began talking about online dating. One of the girls (lets call her Mary Kate) had tried a bunch of sites while the other (let’s call her Ashley – these names are purely random…) had never done any online dating. Mary Kate was giving Ashley some advice.

“Don’t do eHarmony. It sucks and is a waste of time.”

Interesting. I have a friend who has a very large e-list, and he once sent out an email highly recommending eHarmony.com over other sites.

Hmm…. Why two such wildly differing opinions? I think the answer is obvious:

  1. Mary Kate had nothing but bad experiences on eHarmony.
  2. My friend had a great experience. In fact, he just got married to a woman he met on eHarmony.

This got me thinking about other conversations I have had about online dating. A girl recently told me that Match.com sucks because it’s filled with nothing but guys only looking for sex. That’s one point of view. On the other hand, I was in the wedding party last year of two people who met on Match.

A friend told me to try OkCupid.com because the people he met there were “a lot more interesting” than on the other sites. I have been on one OkCupid date – it was kind of “blah.”

This is not unique to online dating. Many people advise: “Skip the bar scene, you never meet anyone for a serious relationship at a bar.” Do you know anyone who got married to someone they met in a bar? I do…

Some people say, “don’t date coworkers, it can lead to trouble.” Without really thinking much about it I can rattle off at least five couples who got married to someone they worked with.

The common thread here is that everyone’s recommendations, good or bad, come from their own personal experience. This makes sense, because what else do we have to go on? The problem occurs when we globalize our limited experience to include the whole world.

You had a bad eHarmony experience? That sucks, but doesn’t mean others will. You had a good eHarmony experience? Great, but that doesn’t mean others will.

If you think about it, this has relevance far beyond the world of online dating. This type of globalization is one of the main causes of prejudice. One person (or a few people) with a certain skin color, background, or religion does something bad, and then people globalize that behavior to all people of that skin color, background, or religion.

I was once dating a non-Indian girl who had another non-Indian friend tell her, “oh that’s great, Indian guys are really nice. Once you date an Indian guy, you won’t want to date a non-Indian.” Wow. Just…wow. I mean, I’m flattered, and this advice certainly made me look good, but it’s pretty much rubbish. Look, I’m Indian and I’m a nice guy. I know a lot of Indians and a lot of them are nice. But I have also come across my share of Indian jerks and morons (like this guy). Probably more than my share. There are nice Indians, and there are mean Indians. Just. Like. Every. Other. Group.

Of course the point of this blog is not to end the discrimination in the world, but rather to give you a few simple ideas to make your life easier and more successful. So here are two simple lessons you can takeaway:

Lesson #1: Don’t Globalize Your Own Personal Experience

Your views will certainly be shaped by your history. And yes, there is is great value to others in hearing about your experience. Just don’t make the illogical jump from “your experience,” to “all people’s experiences .”

Here are three magic words that will help you, “in my experience” (“in my experience, eHarmony sucks”). Or “to me” (“to me, Match.com is just horny guys looking to score”). Or, “I’ve found” (“I’ve found the Craigslist singles to be nothing but perverts and prostitutes”).

This also applies when you are deciding things for yourself based on your own personal experience. Don’t make arbitrary and incorrect connections! When I was a kid, my mom made me scrambled eggs and she added salt before cooking. Something must not have mixed right, because when I took a bite I tasted nothing but salt. It was gross! From that point, for years, I did not add any salt to my eggs. I made an incorrect globalization. Don’t do that…

Lesson #2: Beware of Other People Globalizing Their Personal Experience

Even if you get better at not globalizing, other people certainly still will. Be very wary; we are easily influenced by others people’s opinions, especially when it is the first opinion we hear.

If someone is giving you advice, pay attention to whether they are making a sweeping judgement based on a limited personal experience. If someone says something like, “don’t date younger women, they only care about money. Don’t date older men, they only care about sex. Don’t go to Jersey in the summer, it’s just like MTV’s Jersey Shore,” take a step back, take a breath, and realize that they may not be entirely right.

This doesn’t mean you don’t take their experience into consideration. It just means that you give their experience it’s proper weight. No more, no less.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go send some Match, eHarmony, and OkCupid emails…(and as far as you single women go, well, you know where to find me…)

Posted in Motivation & Success | 3 Comments

Funny Motivation: Not the Bees!

Posted on January 22, 2010 by Avish

nicolas-cageHave you ever majorly mis-stepped? You know, you mess something up in a way that makes you question your self-worth, your career choice, and whether you have any business doing what you do? If not, you are very fortunate. For the rest of us, I have some good news:

Everyone mis-steps!

Take our friend Nicolas Cage for example. Here’s a guy who is one of the most successful movie stars of all time. He won an Oscar for his fine work in Leaving Las Vegas. He was nominated for an Academy Award for his work in Adaptation and nominated for Golden Globes for Moonstruck and Honeymoon in Vegas. He has made some great movies, including The Rock, Raising Arizona, Face/Off, Fast Times and Ridgemont High, and Trapped in Paradise (a movie most people consider awful that I have a soft spot for, probably because I like all things John Lovitz).

Talented, successful guy.

But he has also done this:

No, not the bees! Not the bees!

You get the feeling he is not even trying to act there.

He also starred in Knowing, 8MM, Snake Eyes, National Treasure, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Ghost Rider, Wind Talkers, Deadfall, and Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. A thousand monkeys on a thousand keyboards typing for a thousand days would surely come up with something better than some of these, right? Heck, I bet the chimp from Project X could have put on a more entertaining one man show than Captain Corelli’s Mandolin…

If you were to take a person who had never even heard of Nicolas Cage before and have him pull 5 Nic Cage DVDs out of a bag at random and watch them and then ask him how good of an actor Nicolas Cage is, that person could potentially say, “wow! He is better than Brando, DeNiro and Hanks, all rolled into one!” That person would be easily likely to say, “what, did they hire this guy because Gilbert Gottfried wasn’t available?”

(Did you know that at one point Nic Cage was cast to play the new Superman?? Could you imagine the awfulness that would be? “What is that?! What is that?! No. no not the kryptonite! Not the kryptonite!” I can’t conceive any context where that movie could be watched without alcohol.)

Cage is also embroiled in some tax and real estate difficulties…

What’s the point? Simply this: If Nicolas Cage, Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage, can mis-step with not one, but many awful movies (and deliver unto the world, “Not the bees!”), who are you to get down on yourself when you mis-step?

Get up, brush yourself off, realize that Ding Happens, and move on.

Easier said than done, but definitely worth doing.

Posted in Motivation & Success | Tagged | 1 Comment