Bad Communication: A Tale of Two Stupidities

Sometimes I get concerned that maybe people don’t need to hear what I write or talk about because after all, it’s not rocket science, right? I mean, this is basic stuff that everyone probably already knows, like how to avoid bad communication and how to keep things in perspective. And then I take a few steps out of my front door and realize, “wow, this is not stuff everyone knows. And if they do know it, they sure as heck aren’t using it.”

I was standing in line at the post office when I overhead a ridiculous but interesting exchange between a woman trying to mail a package and the post office employee.

The post office employee, asks “Is there anything dangerous, flammable, etc. in this package?” She didn’t say “etc.” I just forget the exact words. But it’s the standard disclaimer question they ask to make sure you are not mailing bombs. Though I am guessing if you were mailing bombs you would lie and say “no.” So I suppose that’s not a fool proof plan…

The woman responds, “It’s glasses.” To you and me, that means that the package is not flammable, explosives, or “etc.” If not, those are some crazy glasses.

That’s to you and me. Sane rational people. Maybe not so to the employee. She responds, “ok is there anything dangerous, flammable, etc. in this package?”

The woman, confused and with annoyance in her voice says, “it’s just glasses.”

I start paying closer attention, because we clearly have potential for a category five “Finger of God” train wreck here.

Our post office employee responds with – you guessed it! – “is there anything dangerous, flammable, etc. in this package?”

Reading it, you may assume that I had somehow fallen magically into an Abbott and Costello sketch. Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole into Absurdland. However, seeing this unfold live, and having a modicum of intelligence, I realized that the employee was looking for a “yes” or “no” answer. Heck, by federal regulations she may have been required to get a verbal “yes” or “no.”

Of course, rather than simply saying, “I need to get a yes or no answer,” she just kept asking the same question.

Lesson #1: Change Tactics, Part 1

If you keep asking the same question over and over and keep getting the same wrong response over and over, change your damn question! Or explain why the answer is insufficient.

Now, it does take two Mensa students to have a truly ridiculous argument, so the woman responds with – wait for it! – “I told you, it’s just glasses!” Very frustrated, very angry.

Lesson #2: Change Tactics, Part 2

If someone else keeps asking you the same question over and over and you keep getting the same response over and over, and they don’t seem to accept or understand it, change you damn answer! Or ask why the answer is insufficient.

To this point in our tale, I was on the side of the woman trying to mail her glasses. It seemed that the employee was being intentionally obtuse (though I have learned over the years to never underestimate people’s ability to be unintentionally obtuse…)

But then emotion got the better of our harried glasses sender. I don’t remember the exact dialog, but there were angry words and some name calling that resulted in the woman taking her package back with a, “I don’t trust you so I want my package back.” Oh snap!

This pleasant exchange ended with the employee saying, “have a nice day,” (without irony or sarcasm, I might add) and the woman walking away saying, “I do not hope you have a nice day.” Oh snap snap!

Lesson #3: Recognize Bad Communication For What It Is

Recognize bad communication for what it is: bad communication. I have seen more people get into a huff and assume someone else is intentionally trying to insult them when, if they looked at it objectively, they would realize that it was simply the person’s poor communication skills. I’m not excusing rude behavior, but to take it as a personal attack is just making life harder for you Some people say, “oh they know; people aren’t stupid, they know exactly what they are saying and doing.” Sorry to burst that bubble, but I’ve been speaking to and working with groups for a while, and I have to say, “yes, some people are stupid, and lots of people have no idea how to communicate properly and effectively.” Don’t take this stuff personally and your life will have a lot less stress in it.

The woman left in a huff, and I of course averted my eyes to a) make sure I didn’t get sucked into one of those, “can you believe her?” exchanges I loathe but that strangers seem to try to drag me into and b) avoid getting locked into some kind of Medusian death gaze.

I couldn’t help but think that this woman just stood in line at the post office, got her blood pressure up, and ended up wasting all her time by taking her package back. She was going to have to try to resend some other time, right? All because two people (one of whom was herself) just couldn’t communicate their way out of a paper bag.

Lesson #4: Communication Matters

Whether it’s being a great leader, making sales, delivering great service, or simply connecting with family and friends, our ability to communicate effective matters. A few simple skills can prevent a lot of headache and lead to a lot of success. It’s not hard; it just takes a little thought and effort.

I don’t know whatever happened to that woman and her glasses. Maybe she found another post office employee, maybe she FedExed them instead, or maybe she had them delivered by courier. In my Pollyanic, “I want the world to be good,” thoughts though, I hope that she reads my blog, has a change of heart, and goes back to the original employee and offers her a Bundt cake as a peace offering. That would be swell.

That probably won’t happen, so it’s up to you to now fall into the same trap. The next time you find your temper rising due to a simple stupidity of communication, just say to yourself, “it;s just glasses!” and let it go…

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By Avish Parashar. As the world's only Motivational Improviser, Avish uses techniques from the world of improv comedy to engage, entertain, and educate audiences on ideas around change, creativity, and motivation. Connect with Avish on Google+

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