Want to be considered a strong leader without having to go through all the work of actually knowing what you’re doing? It may be easier than you think…
I am currently reading The Invisible Gorilla by Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simmons. The book is about how our perception and intuition are far more unreliable than we’d like to believe. One of the chapters is on “the illusion of confidence,” and one of the primary lessons of that chapter is that people tend to believe and follow confident people, but that confidence and real ability are usually unrelated.
This is a powerful idea that can work for or against you. If you want people to follow you, you can use this idea to your advantage. However, if you don’t watch out for it, others can use it to get you to go along with things you don’t want.
I have encountered some “blustery blowhards” in my day. These are people who express an opinion very different than yours but they do it with such overconfidence that you find yourself going along with them, either because a) they are so confident that you start to believe they are right, b) you figure giving in is easier than arguing or c) you don’t know; for some reason that you can’t describe you just go along with them.
For example, I was once at a dinner with a group of people who didn’t know each other well. At the start of the night, one attendee proclaims, “let’s order a few appetizers for the table.” I wasn’t a fan of this idea because, at the end of the night, everyone was supposed to “pay what they owe.” Uh oh…
Some people have a hard enough time throwing in the proper amount of money at the end of dinner. They’ll forget about their own drinks…or tax…or tip…or some side dish they got. Evidently basic memory skills and third grade math go out the window once you enter “the real world.” If you throw “appetizers for the table” into the mix, well, that’s like asking a child to explain particle physics. Synapses fry, minds go blank, and you can pretty much guarantee that someone will shortchange you. As I was one of the organizers of this dinner, guess who got to deal with it if the bill came up short…?
Plus, if you get “appetizers for the table” do you split the appetizer bill evenly, even if some people don’t have any? Do you then keep track of who partook of the food and only charge them? What about the person who took a nibble, “just to try it”? Do you monitor how much each person ate and then ask them to contribute accordingly? “Gee Stan, you had 23% of the fried calamari appetizer, so you should pay 23% of the cost.”
Sure, it's all fun and games until the check comes...
What a pain! If you want to enter a verbal contract with another patron to share an appetizer, go ahead – then you two (or three, or four, or whatever) can be responsible for figuring out how to split the cost. But “appetizers for the table”? No thank you.
Oddly though, since this person made the suggestion a) before anyone else suggested anything, b) matter of factly, and c) confidently, as if it was the obvious thing we should do, everyone, including myself, went along with it. I didn’t want to, but I found myself acquiescing. How very odd…
Sure enough, at the end of the night the bill came and we were short some money. After a few reminders of, “don’t forget about your drinks!” and “remember tax and tip!” and “keep in mind, we had the appetizer too!” along with some people just throwing in extra money, we managed to to cover the bill without having to hire an external auditor to review our dinner tab.
In the grand scheme of things, this dinner was small potatoes (Ha! Get it? “dinner” “potatoes”…). It came out to a few extra minutes and a few extra bucks. However, the phenomenon of following a person’s lead just because they speak first and speak loud can be dangerous. You may find yourself going along with projects, initiatives, and decisions that you don’t agree with and that don’t serve you.
In The Invisible Gorilla, the authors cite a study where a group of students had to work together to solve a math problem. The groups were videotaped and afterward the tapes were reviewed to see who the group leader was. In all the cases, both experts and casual observers agreed on who took the leadership role. You might assume that the best math student would become the leader, but this was not the case. There was actually no correlation between group leadership and math ability. According to the book, “They became leaders by strength of personality rather than strength of ability.”
This study also found that the way the students took a leadership role wasn’t by being overbearing, but simply by speaking first! In 94% of the cases, the answer the group provided was the same as the first one suggested!
Beyond dinner bills and math problems, there are three lessons you can take away from this:
Resist a Bad Leader: Don’t Be Bullied by the Loud Mouth
Don't give in to the bully. Even if he has bad breath
Keep in mind that confident (and especially overconfident) people will try to take charge regardless of their ability. They will speak up, they will speak first, and they may even speak louder and louder to try to dominate the group. Now that you know that confidence and ability don’t always synch up, don’t be taken in by these bully tactics!
Just because someone is acting like they want to be the leader doesn’t mean they should be. If you are ok with them in charge, that’s fine. But if you get the sense that they are taking the lead just because they are acting confident (or because no one else wants it) then it’s your responsibility to step up and voice your mind.
The easiest way of course is to speak up early so you look like a leader too. Or at least you don’t let the other person automatically take the leadership role unopposed.
If that doesn’t work, or it’s too late to do that, don’t be afraid to disagree or say, “no.” Do it calmly and logically, but don’t go along with someone just because they are acting more confident than you. If I had simply done that at my dinner, I could have saved myself some headache at the end of the night.
Be a Leader: Speak Up!
Open your mouth and be heard!
Don’t be a bully, but be willing to share your thoughts and opinions. If you speak up early, with some confidence, people will perceive you to a) have ability and b) be a good leader.
This is not to say that you should spout off at the mouth if you don’t know what the heck you are talking about. But if you have knowledge, experience, opinions, etc, don’t sit there with your mouth shut trying to “get the lay of the land.” Open your mouth and be heard.
Be a GOOD Leader: Be Inclusive
Include the shy and hesitant people - they may have the answer you need
You are now armed with this knowledge, but many people in your group won’t be. Some of the people with the best ideas may be the shyest and most prone to just following along with whoever is leading. Yes, you may want to kick them in the butt and say, “speak up!” but you can’t do that. What you can do is make sure that those people are participating and contributing their opinions.
Ask them. Get a sense of when they are holding back or when they are being intimidated by the stronger members of the group. A good leader knows the strengths of his group and is able to use all of it.
Remember, confidence and ability have been shown to be unrelated. Just because someone is hesitant to share doesn’t mean that their answer is bad. They may very well have the best idea of anyone in the group.
The next time you find yourself in a group without a clear leader, keep these ideas in mind. Be aware of the blustery blowhard who may be confident without ability. And if you have the ability, speak up, speak first, and speak loud – you deserve it!
Motivationl Humorist
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