Here’s a new MP3 for you:
The Ignorant Leading the Uninformed
“Blogcasts” are audio versions of existing blog posts. I take an old post, read it, and embellish and add things as needed. If you like to listen to MP3s, this is for you!
In “The Ignorant Leading the Uninformed,” I recount the time a friend asked me for advice about something I know nothing about. The audio has a lesson about considering the source of advice before you take it…
All right friends, prepare to get seriously nerded on…
I recently came across an article about a bicycle with a pentagonal front wheel and triangular rear wheel. The writer says that even with these weird shaped wheels, the ride is surprisingly smooth. This made me curious: how can a triangular wheel offer a smooth ride??
The article explains: “That is because the edges of the pentagonal and triangular wheels are not perfectly straight. The sides of the shapes bulge outwards in such a way that the wheels share an important feature with the circle: the diameter across the shapes is the same which ever way that you measure it. ”
This only confused me more. How could the diameter be the same every way you measure it? Wouldn’t that make it a circle?? As I visualized various lines going through the center of the triangle, it seemed obvious that the diameter would not be the same.
Reading further, I learned that this is a special triangle called a “Reuleaux Triangle.” So I did what all curious minded people do in this day and age: I looked it up on Wikipedia
Check it out:
(By the way, couldn’t you just watch this animation all day?)
This gave me a better idea about how the triangle could roll, but I still had no clue how the diameter could be the same no matter how you measure it.
So I decided to get to the root of the problem: I looked up Wikipedia’s entry on diameters.
Ah-Ha! Finally, it became clear: “Diameter” can mean different things. From Wikipedia: “For a convex shape in the plane, the diameter is defined to be the largest distance that can be formed between two opposite parallel lines tangent to its boundary, and the width is defined to be the smallest such distance. ”
Now I got it. The diameter didn’t have to go through the center. In a circle, which is the only context I had ever used the word, the diameter does by definition go through the center. But in other shapes it does not; it just needs to be the longest distance.
Boy, it felt better than it should have to have been able to figure that out and stop obsessing over it. Like I alluded to at the top of this post, I’m a bit of a nerd…
BUT, this got me thinking. I could not possibly fathom how the original article was correct because I was using a different (or incomplete) definition of “diameter.” It’s amazing how much confusion can be created when two people are using the same word in two different ways.
Have you ever been in a long heated argument with someone only to discover that you were both using different words to argue the same point? Have you ever gotten really mad at something someone said and later found out that you misunderstood them?
Miscommunication is the root of many of our problems, both personally and professionally. The next time you start to get irritated at something someone says or you find yourself going rounds with someone who just doesn’t seem to understand you, take a second and think about the words you are both using. Is it possible that one of you is not using the right word in the right way?
That little second of thought could save you hours of headache. If you don’t, you might be called “obtuse” – and not like the triangle!
P.S. You know what’s freaky? A drill bit in this shape would drill an almost near perfect square! Amazing…
Answer: When you don’t want it!
I have seen over the years that many organizations and individuals do things they consider constitute “good service.” The problem with this is that there is no way one set of “rules” will correctly apply to all people.
A new Indian restaurant recently opened up nearby. The food is good, though it’s a bit expensive. Still, I will go there because it is close by and much more convenient to me than the other Indian places in the city (goes to show, people will still pay for convenience – especially lazy people…).
When I order food, I almost always pick it up myself because it usually takes less time (yes, I can be impatient, which is in odd sort of characteristic to share with “laziness”). Also, I am always confused by exactly how much to tip the delivery guy, and when you add that on to the price of the meal it suddenly doesn’t seem worth it.
I went through a phase where I was constantly craving chicken tikka masala (no, I was not nor am I pregnant). I ordered from this place a bunch of times in a couple of weeks and by the third time one of the guys who worked there (I am guessing he was an owner), recognized me. So he started doing that good business owners thing: he started chatting with me and referring to me by name.
Hmm.
I was not pleased by this development. I actually felt uncomfortable by it. I don’t like small talk. Plus, let’s face it: chicken tikka masala is is not exactly the Jenny Craig special. As a guy trying to drop a few pounds, I probably shouldn’t be ordering it. Well, I guess it’s ok to order it, but i shouldn’t be eating it. So when I order out I have a wee bit of guilt that I am not cooking or that I am not eating healthy. Right or wrong, engaging in conversation about it makes it worse.
By many definitions, he was doing things that should be considered “good customer service.” Getting to know his customers, referring to them by name, giving them advice on future orders, etc.
Unfortunately, it was working against him. The next time I was thinking about ordering from that place, I actually thought about having to walk in and talk to this guy again. It really did make me feel less like ordering from there.
Don’t get me wrong: he was a nice enough guy. I am not talking about some creepy dude who no one would want to talk to. I just wasn’t into it and it made me less likely to order from there again.
Is the point that he should never talk to any of his customers when they come in?
No. The point is that great service and great communication isn’t about a pre-set series of rules. Great communication and service is about communicating with the other person, be it a customer, prospect, co-worker, or employee, at the level they want and need to be communicated with!
One of the principles of performing great improv comedy is to get out of your own head and put your focus on the people you are performing with. Average improvisers use a rigid set of rules to define how they act. Great improvisers use rules as guidelines, but they know that the most important thing is to stay in the moment and be open to and aware of what this specific situation needs.
This approach is a little more difficult, but ultimately more rewarding. And it moves a lot more chicken tikka masala…
I subscribe to a magazine on “healthy whole living,” and the latest issue had this teaser on the cover: “8 Secrets to Healthy Weight Loss.” Now I’ve read a lot of stuff on weight loss and being healthy, so I wasn’t really looking for any new secrets. But I was very curious as to what they considered “weight loss secrets.”
(Side note: I am not a whole living guy at all. One day a couple of years ago I was in a Whole Foods and saw this magazine in the checkout aisle. It looked interesting so I bought it. After reading it I thought that if I subscribed and read it regularly, that might encourage me to live healthier and more wholistically. I can’t really say that’s worked. Oh, and after reading an issue or two I realized that the target demographic for this magazine is women. That’s ok, I’m comfortable enough in my masculanity to still enjoy it…)
As you may have guessed, the “secrets” were hardly that.
According to dictionary.com:
Secret: done, made, or conducted without the knowledge of others: secret negotiations.
“Without the knowledge of others.” This means that the eight tips they give should basically not be known to others. Sure…
Of the eight, at least four of these can not possibly qualify as a secret:
– Not enough exercise
This is a secret? Everyone and their mother doesn’t already know that not getting enough exercise can make you fat? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…
– The wrong foods
Thank you health magazine! I had no idea that eating a bag of Doritos with a jar of Queso sauce would be bad for my plan on losing weight! I am so glad you revealed that secret to me.
– Getting older
Do we really live in a world where people don’t realize that metabolisms slow down as they get older? Really?
– Poor portion control
Wow, now this is a revelatory reveal; a secret that Dan Brown himself could not have written about. Listen up people, because we may not have the opportunity to pass along this secret ever again: over-eating makes people fat! There it is – the cat’s out of the bag!
Don’t get me wrong, these are all sound weight-loss principles. But are they secrets? Are these really things that are done, “without the knowledge of others?” No, not at all.
So half this list is just a ridiculous list of common sense tips that everyone already knows. The other four (Mindless Eating, Stress and fatigue, Goal Plateau, Yo-yo dieting) are not neccesarily secrets to me, but at least I can see how they may be unfamiliar to people. But when I think about the first four in light of the title, I tend to care less about the article. Maybe it’s just me.
Lesson #1: Properly set your expectations. A perfectly decent weight-loss article loses some credibility to me because of the title. How are you pitching yourself, professionally (in your marketing, in your resume, etc) or personally (online dating profiles, puffing yourself at cocktail parties, etc). Will people be dissapointed when they discover the real deal (and will you care when that happens?)
Lesson #2: Don’t believe the hype! “Secrets” is definitely a marketing super-word. I know, I’ve read the books. People are going to use those marketing super-words to suck you in. Don’t get me wrong: a lot of the products and articles that use the marketing hype words will be very valuable. Just be sure to do your due diligence and don’t get sucked in expecting to get something you’re not…
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go write a new article titled, “5 Secrets to writing a 5 Secrets Article”
Yup, I’ve started podcasting. Here’s the first one:
Motivational Speaker Advice I Hate!
A small little rant on one of my least favorite bits of advice to come across from self-development and motivational type folks.
(For more info on the audios and to look for future audios, visit The audios page)
Enjoy!
In many of the posts on this blog, I refer to “the step by step process to improvising with anything.” If you have seen me speak, then you are probably familiar with what that process is. If not, you may be confused. Here then, I lay out the entire process for you:
When Ding! Happens the people who excel, succeed, and thrive, are the ones who react quickly and take powerful action. This is true for improv comedians performing for an audience or for non-performers going about their lives. The thing that allows great improviser to improvise effectively, on stage or off, is that they have conditioned themselves to react to the unexpected automatically in a way that keeps them out of paralysis and gets them moving forward. They may not even consciously know that they do this, but they do.
In my work as a performer and instructor of improv comedy, as well as my work speaking and training for organizations on how to apply improv comedy to their businesses, I have developed a simple but powerful step by step process that will allow anyone to improvise with anything that life throws at them. The process consists of two underlying mentalities followed by the three simple steps.
The process can be applied consciously at first, but over time the goal is to be so well versed in the process that it happens automatically, in every scenario. That is the key to being a fantastic improvisor.
The Process:
The Two Mentalities
You can not perform improv comedy if you are not willing to have fun (believe me, I have seen people try!) You can go through life without having fun, but why would you want to? Life is too short…
Having fun Is more than just a quality of life issue though. When you are having fun, you free up your creative power, you are more open to taking (calculated) risks, and you have more energy. Your ability to have fun directly impacts your performance.
Have you ever watched a sporting event on TV and heard the commentators say about the team that was winning, “they look like they are having fun out there?” Sometimes we think that they have fun because they are winning; the opposite is actually true. The more fun they have the more likely they are to win.
This is not to say that bad things won’t happen. They key is to realize that a) No matter how bad things are, your bad mood won’t change them and b) by relaxing and heaving fun you increase your chances of turning things around.
Great improvisers know how to focus on the fun even in tough times.
Improv is inherently a risky type of performance. You can’t pre-write and rehearse the lines you will say – after all, you are making it up on the spot! Every time you step out to do a show, you have no idea what will happen.
That level of risk makes many people terribly afraid of improvising. Sadly, the more afraid you are, the more likely you are to fail.
While great improvisers have trained in a way to reduce risk, that risk never completely goes away. The best improvisers accept that failure is a very real possibility, and then take action (and have fun) anyway. That willingness to mess it up actually decreases the likeliness of failure.
The same thing applies in the “real world.” If you approach a task with the fear of failure, you will get tense, stressed, and be unnatural. All of these things hamper your ability to perform well. Only when you let go of that fear can you do your best. And only by accepting that the worst may happen and if it does you will be fine can you let go of that fear.
Note: I am not saying that failure is ok. Failing can be very bad and can carry sever consequences. They key is to realize that while you are taking action you must accept the possibility of failure so it no longer has power over you. That is what great improvisers do.
Think of something you excel at. I am going to bet that you a)have fun doing it and b) aren’t afraid of messing it up. On the flip side, think of an area in your life where you feel weak at or you feel could use improvement. I will bet that you a) don’t have fun doing and probably get tense or down just thinking about it and b) put so much importance on it that you are terribly afraid of messing it up.
These two mentalities are universal. Develop them and you will be better at everything you do, even if you don’t learn or apply the three steps.
The Three Steps:
When ding happens, many people respond by working harder on what they were already doing. While hard work is admirable, this is a bad strategy. You see, when the unexpected occurs, our previous plans and tasks may become completely invalid. If we focus immediately on details or process, we may miss the big picture and end up wasting lots of time and energy. Great improvisers know that as soon as ding happens, they need to focus and evaluate their outcomes.
I learned this from my performing days. I have seen improv comedians who are technically proficient. They do everything right. But for some reason, they are just not that much fun to watch. On the flip side, I have seen improvisers who aren’t technically perfect. They make some mistakes. But they are ridiculously entertaining. Guess who I want in my group? I learned that the goal of a comedy show is to entertain and make the audience laugh. The improv games and skills were tools to accomplish that. This doesn’t mean that I would want to work with someone who was technically awful (I think great skills are the key to great entertainment). But if I have to choose between technically sound and amazingly entertaining vs. technically amazing and just “sound” in terms of entertainment, I am going with the first choice because that fits the outcome!
When the unexpected occurs (and it will) your first response should be to immediately focus on your outcome. What do you want to accomplish? What is your goal? Quite often, the unexpected event will have changed the outcome. Sometimes the unexpected event will actually open a new and better path to your outcome. By re-focusing immediately you ensure that you will always be taking the right action at the right time.
The second step is to focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. So many people waste so much time focusing on things they have no control over. This includes:
All of these are examples of putting your attention on things you can not control.
The only thing you can control is what you do, right now. That’s it.
When ding happens, great improvisers put their attention immediately and exclusively on what they can do right now in this moment. That is the key to quickly and powerfully dealing with the unexpected. There is a time and place to lay accountability, examine past mistakes, think about the future. That time is not immediately when ding happens. That time is later, once the crisis is resolved.
Great improvisers know and apply this. People who don’t get this waste precious time and energy focusing on all the wrong things.
One of the core principles to great improv comedy is to say, “yes, and” to your partners. This means that when a fellow performer says something you say, “yes,” to accept their idea and then say, “and’ to add your own input and build off of it.
Sadly, many people say, “yes, but” instead of “yes, and.” “Yes, but” is basically a semi-polite way of saying “no.” Saying “yes but” leads to bad improvisation, on stage or in life.
Here’s why: “yes, but” keeps you stuck exactly where you are. There is no progress, no movement, and no growth. Along those lines, “yes, but” keeps you fixated on the problem.
“Yes, and” is the way to move forward, grow, and progress. When you say “yes, and” you are taking action and switching your attention on to the solution.
Think about a time when someone “yes, butted” you. It probably felt pretty bad, like they were disrespecting you or arguing with you. That’s what “yes, but is,” a negative argument. “Yes, and” is positive and collaborative.
This is not to say that you simply say, “yes,” with everything presented to you, even if you don’t agree. The idea of “yes, and” is a mental technique, not a literal one. The key to “yes, anding” is to think “yes, and” first. Hear someone out. be open to new ideas. Take some chances. You can then later on say, “no,” or “but,” after you have given things a chance. Most people start with “yes, but” and then need to be convinced otherwise. To be a great improviser, you need to start with “yes, and” and then, after thinking things through, later on you can decide to say no.
There you have it. The simple but powerful step by step process to improvising with anything. The next time “Ding! Happens” try these steps and watch yourself deal with things quickly, powerfully, and with a sense of humor.
In many of the posts on this blog, I use the phrase, “Ding! Happens.” If you have seen me speak, then you know exactly what I am talking about. If not, you may be confused. Here then is the explanation of “Ding! Happens.”
“Ding! Happens” means the same thing as, “Stuff Happens,” of more correctly, “[Insert your favorite expletive”] Happens.”
The “Ding!” comes from an improv comedy game that I play to start off my speaking programs. In it, I give an audience volunteer a bell, and then I begin telling a story. The volunteer can ring the bell (“Ding!”) anytime they want. When they do, I have to roll my story back, start repeating what I said, but change it to something different. For example:
“Once upon a time there was a girl who had a pet dog”
Ding!
“Once upon a time there was a girl who had a pet cat”
Ding!
“Once upon a time there was a girl who had a pet mouse”
Ding!
“Once upon a time there was a girl who had a pet llama”
Whatever. I can say anything I want, as long as it is different. If the volunteer doesn’t ring I just keep telling the story but only as if the last thing was said. So in this example the dog, cat, and mouse would all be gone, and we would have a story about a girl and her pet llama.
To see examples of this game inaction, visit the videos page
The game is fast, high-energy, and funny. The lesson from the game is that the universe acts in just the same way. You are moving nicely down one path and everything is coming along fine and then all of a sudden, “Ding!” the universe throws you a curve-ball and says, “here, deal with this.”
Anyone can do great when everything is going well. The real trick is in how you respond when the unexpected occurs. i.e. How you respond when “Ding! Happens.” Many of the posts on this site, and most of my speaking deals with using the step by step process of improvising with anything to show people how to quickly and powerfully deal with the unexpected “Dings” of life.
That’s what “Ding! Happens” means. Consider yourself edumacated…
If you are seeing this in your RSS reader, then you have successfully been switched over from “Avish Parashar’s Funny Stuff Blog” to my new, “Motivational Smart Ass” blog. No need to re-signup!
Welcome, and enjoy!
Avish
On May 31st, I will turn 258 years old (in dog years at least). For those of you less mathematically inclined, that’s 36 in human years. I don’t mind the passing of another year, but I certainly don’t need an automated reminder of my aging bones…
Facebook runs ads on the right side of their pages, and these ads are supposed to be “customized” based on your profile and postings. Well, Facebook has lately been posting this ad
“Meet Elite Mature Singles”?? First off, by many definitions I am not someone you would call “mature.” Second, isn’t “mature” just the polite way of saying “old?”
And what the hell is an “Elite” Mature single? Is it like the A-Team of old dating folks?
“If you are single, if you are old, and if you can find one, maybe you should date… An Elite Mature Single.”
Et Tu Facebook…?
The Lesson: Computer algorithms and automated systems (whether computerized or through a fixed process you or someone else implements) can only get you so far. At some point, and for important things, you need a real person with real judgment to decide what’s the best message to communicate.
“Mature” my ass…
P.S. Under the “Meet Elite Mature Singles” was another add for “Meet Elite Singles” (no maturity here) with the following description:
“Meet high caliber singles. VIPSingles can introduce you to dignified, professional, and successful singles.”
I don’t know, I have a feeling that anyone who described themselves as “dignified” would not fall into the demogrpahic known as “people who would get along with Avish.”
I’m just saying…
Ok, here’s a weird problem:
I think of myself as a pretty polite guy. As a polite guy, I tend to hold the door open for people when I walk through. If someone is right behind me, this is no problem because I just hold it open an extra second and then they hold it.
However, there are three door holding open scenarios that vex me:
1) What do you do if the person isn’t right behind you?
They are a few steps away. Then that stupid mathematical/geometric calculation debate starts in your head, “hmm, if I let go of this door they may reach it while it still closing, which would be rude. However, based on their current land speed I could be standing here like an idiot for 5 or 6 seconds (longer than it sounds, when you’re standing there like an idiot) while they get here.” And sometimes the person doesn’t go through the door or worse, stops a few feet away. Then you really look stupid.
2) What do you do if you open the door and let someone go in before you as you walk into a place with a line?
For example, you arrive at the door to a restaurant a few scant seconds before someone else. Being polite, you open the door for them and they walk through first. Since they went in first they talk to the host/hostess first, and they get sat first. In a busy restaurant, this could mean the difference of 10-30 minutes, all because you were polite. Ideally, the person you let go before you should acknowledge your politeness but will they always? I think not. There should be a law about this.
3) What do you do if you hold the door for someone and they don’t thank you?
This one is obvious and frustrating all at the same time. If I do something polite for someone like hold the door, how do they not give a simple polite “thank you” in return. What’s up with that?! How do these people exist in the world? I think if I hold the door open for someone and they don’t say thank you, it should be socially acceptable for me to run ahead of them, go through the next door they encounter, and then slam it in their face right as they get to it. I mean, fair is fair, right?
In this day and age, I think we need to re-look at the whole “door holding open” thing (yes, this discussion should trump the economy and environment). Modern doors are light enough that most anyone can comfortably hold them open. And it seems people just don’t appreciate it anymore. If someone is directly behind you, sure. And of course, when you are with people you know, I think it still works. But in all other cases, I say, “bah, let ’em deal with the door themselves!”
Sadly, we live in a world where I do not set the etiquette rules (wow, could you imagine that dystopia!?) So I will continue holding doors for people, losing my place in line, and occasionally looking like an idiot, until Emily Post tells me different.