Hey Salespeople! Get Off the Script!

Posted on May 19, 2009 by Avish

glengaryYou know, there are some bad, annoying salespeople out there…

I was out this past weekend with my friend and his fiancee, Jamie. While my buddy and I went to see Star Trek, Jamie took a pass on the movie and went to mall instead (Big mistake: Star Trek was awesome!!)

While in the mall she walked past one of those kiosks. You know, the ones where the people working there have been trained to yell out to you and to try to rope you in to view their wares like some rodeo cowboy. Those are some very aggressive sales-people – it’s like a little slice of some foreign country shopping bazaar right here in good old Suburbia, USA.

Jamie gets sucked into one (big mistake #2) and the guy goes into his spiel. They all have a spiel; some very rehearsed routine designed to razzle and dazzle you into buying whatever it is they’re selling.

This guy’s routine involved opening his collection of lotions and having the customer smell them. I guess the logic is that once you smell the lotion you can not help but invest. (I don’t know, I didn’t write the routine!) Here’s the thing: Jamie has no sense of smell. I don’t mean that has a bad sense of smell; I mean she literally, biologically, can not smell. She explains this to him, and guess what he does? He thinks about it for a second and says, “well, here, try it anyway,” and gives her the bottle to smell.

Yes, after she tells him she can’t smell, he asks her to do it anyway. There can only be a few possible reasons for this:

  • He doesn’t believe her – Maybe he things she’s lying, and is calling her out on it. That’s a great way to build rapport and make a sale.
  • He’s taunting her – Maybe he was rubbing it in to her that she can’t smell. Like showing a starving person pictures of a buffet. Makes no sense.
  • He had a complete inability to get off his script – Ok, this is probably the real answer. This guy had his routine, his script, and was so set on delivering it that when something came up that didn’t apply he did not have the ability to change his routine.

Scripts and routines are great as a baseline, but the real magic is in being able to be in the moment and flow with the changes that happen around you. When you don’t, you instantly break rapport (and look like an idiot). It’s really sad how many people cling to their scripts and routines even after they no longer apply.

The saddest part about this story is that Jamie did end up buying stuff from him – after haggling him down from $30 to $10. Yes, that’s a 66% reduction. She is impressive. You know you’ve done something right when the salesperson pulls out the old, “I never do this, but for you.” Aww, aren’t you special?

What makes this the saddest part to me is that there are people running around thinking their stupid shtick works when in fact the prospect was already interested in the product and the routine probably did nothing but hurt. If these people would just stay in the moment and communicate with their prospects, they would be much better off.

End result: everyone that day spent $10. Two of us saw Star Trek, one talked to a mall kiosk guy and bought some nail enamel stuff. Who do you think came out better in that deal…?

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Follow Up to “Are You “Literally” an Idiot?”

Posted on May 18, 2009 by Avish

A few weeks back I blogged about people who use the word “literally” incorrectly, and how stupid that is.

I recently came across another blogger posting on the same thing, and I have to say, his examples are very funny.

Here’s a sample [I added the censoring]:

Kristen Stewart from the movie Twilight recently reported: Continue reading →
Posted in Just Funny | 2 Comments

Which is Easier: Detonating an H-Bomb or Talking it Out?

Posted on May 15, 2009 by Avish

Warning! This post contains some spoilers for this week’s Season 5 finale of Lost. Consider yourself warned!

Lost is a great show, and the Season 5 finale was awesome. I loved it. But there was one bit of spurious logic that got me thinking (only one? Ok, maybe there were more, but it’s a great show and I only want to talk about the one right now…).

For those who don’t watch Lost (what’s wrong with you people?!) let me fill you in: One of the characters (Jack) wants to detonate a hydrogen bomb in an effort to undue the last five years. Basically he sees it as a giant “reset button” that will erase the years of struggle and trial and tribulation.

Warning for kids: Do not try this at home! This is a TV show. If you attempt to detonate an H-bomb to reverse time, chances are you will just blow yourself up. If not, you will most certainly get grounded. So don’t try it (looks like you’re gonna have to stick with high school years you got!)

When Sawyer (another character who used to be a degenerate con-man but has become something of a bad ass Heathcliff Huxtable) asks Jack why he wants to undue time, Jack says, “I had her. And I lost her.”

You read that right. Jack wants to BLOW UP A HYDROGEN BOMB DO GET BACK THE WOMAN HE LOVES?? (Lost is awesome but it has this weird soap opera side that is usually ponderous and makes characters do stupid things. Like blow up nuclear devices)

Sawyer then tells Jack to just go talk to the girl (Kate). Jack basically says “no, that won’t work.”

What.

The.

@#$%…?

Jack sees talking with the woman he loves and used to live with as a futile effort, but blowing up a hydrogen bomb to plug a leak in an as yet to be explained (to us or him) electromagnetic anomaly makes sense?! Oh, and there’s also the chance that the H-bomb will kill a lot of people.

Take it in again: blowing up a hydrogen bomb is easier than talking out your problems.

Ok, this is a TV show, and a sci-fi/fantasy one at that. But there are a couple of lessons to pull:

Lesson #1: If you are trying to reconcile with an ex, and talking it out doesn’t work, move on. Don’t pull some crazy big stunt. If you can’t communicate enough to fix your problems, how are you going to communicate well enough to keep the relationship together? You can’t just detonate an H-bomb every time your girlfriend makes you turn off Sunday football to go antiquing.

Lesson #2: If it takes an H-bomb to reconcile a relationship, it probably wasn’t that strong a relationship to begin with. (Do I need to explain this further?)

Lesson #3: Communication is hard. But so are many things worth doing in life…

How many times have you avoided having a “crucial conversation” because it seemed to hard? How often do you make your life more difficult and less efficient by engaging in huge activities designed to get you out of having those conversations?

Take a look at the relationships you have now. If there are conversations you are avoiding, especially if you are doing ridiculous things to avoid having those conversations, commit to “talking it out.” The few minutes you take now could save you a huge amount of time and effort.

Of course, if you happen to have an H-bomb, that changes everything. Just make sure you blow it up in 1977 at the Swan station on the Island. Otherwise people might get the wrong idea.

Posted in Business Advice, Motivation & Success | 1 Comment

The Fine Art of “Grodining”

Posted on May 14, 2009 by Avish

Grodining
Definition: To flat out deny someone by saying “no,” offering little or no explanation or alternative
Etymology: I don’t know what etymology exactly means, only that it has nothing to do with bugs. So I will say that this term comes from a bit part by Charles Grodin in the Mike Meyers movie, “So I Married and Axe Murderer” (an underpreciated and quite funny movie, by the way) You can see the clip below.

Origin: Years ago, me and my crazy improv friends were watching “So I Married an Axe Murderer.” This scene struck a chord with us because a) it’s funny as all get out and b) it exemplifies a key improv rule.

That rule (and step number 3 in the step-by-step process to improvising with anything) is to say “yes, and,” instead of “yes, but.” Basically, say “yes,” not “no.”

In this scene, Grodin is laying some serious “yes, but” smack down. Funny for us because it’s in a scripted comedy, but an awful way to improvise and a terrible way to communicate with the people around you.

In improv comedy, saying “yes, but” is referred to as “blocking.” After we saw this scene, we started referring to blocking as “Grodining.” Now you can too!

You can surely relate to being Grodined. And you know it feels awful and gets you pissed, so you know it’s a bad thing to do. The thing is, are you sure that you yourself don’t Grodin others? Pay attention and notice if and when you do.

What’s the alternative to Grodining? Good question, and one I get a lot when talking about the concept of “yes, and.” The alteranative to Grodining is not to say “yes” to everything, because sometimes you really don’t agree or it’s just not practical. There are three ways to stay out of the “Grodin Zone.” Here they are, from most to least effective:

1)Say “Yes” or “Yes, and”
Simple enough. Sometimes you Grodin because you are afraid, or uncertain, or just feeling negative. In these cases suck it up, say “yes,” and reap the rewards.

2) Be creative, and find a third alternative
Someone wants you to say “yes.” You want to say “no.” Who says there are only two answers? For some reason we humans are binary creatures. We like things as black or white, yes or no, on or off. Use a little creativity and find a solution that makes both people happy. With practice, it’s not that hard.

3) Offer an alternative
Sometimes you have to say “no.” Maybe you really don’t like the idea, or maybe it’s just crazy or impractical. The way to avoid deflating someone’s spirit with a hardcore Grodin here is to offer an alternative with your “no.” “Hey, can we go see the new Star Trek movie tonight?” Instead of, “no,” try, “no, but we cen go see it two days from now.” Simple but powerful.

Astute readers will have notices that this started with a “no, but.” “No, but” is similar to “yes, and.”

IMPORTANT NOTE #1: “No, but” does not equal “yes, and!” “Yes, and” is much, much more powerful in every way. Saying no is your last resort. When you do have to say no, make it a “no but.”

IMPORTANT NOTE #2 This is for you improv comedians who will misinterpret this. Don’t use “no, but” as an improviser. That’s bad improv!

From now on, pay attention to when you catch yourself Grodining. When you do, try saying “yes” instead, or offer an alternative, or, when you must, at least say, “no, but.” The people around you will appreciate it.

And you just may he helping stop an Axe Murderer.

Grodin in So I Married An Axe Murderer:

Bonus!
To see some true comedy, you must watch Charles Grodin hit on Miss Piggy from the Great Muppet Caper. Too good!

Posted in Improv Comedy, Motivation & Success | 1 Comment

Ponce de Leon Should Have Smiled More…

Posted on May 13, 2009 by Avish

Here’s an article about an eight year study of 100,000 women that reports that the women who were optimists had a lower general death rate and a 30% power death rate from heart disease.

The researchers didn’t know the exact cause, but there is a correlation.

I often say in my speeches, “life is too short to not have fun.” Well now it seems that “life is too short if you choose to not have fun.” Weird…

The first key mentality to improvising with anything is to choose to have fun!. And yes, it’s a choice. Having fun increases your energy and creativity, and can make you smarter. Now it seems it can even prolong your life. What’s not to like??

So if you want to live a long life, remember what the great philosopher, Bobby McFerrin, said, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”

Posted in Improv Comedy, Motivation & Success | 1 Comment

How Dare You Fall Asleep During My Favorite Movie!

Posted on May 12, 2009 by Avish

I have referred to my love of the movie “Jaws” more than once in this blog (Here and here for example). It is my favorite movie of all time, and it is awesome. And yet, not everyone thinks so…

Over the course of my life, I have introduced many people to Jaws. Sometimes I get to introduce someone I am dating to the glory that is “a giant shark eating people.” Can you believe that more than once a girlfriend had the audacity to fall asleep while watching Jaws with me! How dare they!

I know what you’re thinking. “Avish, that’s ridiculous, no woman with any taste or sense would fall asleep watching such a magnificent piece of cinema. I hope you dumped her.” I should have. I think in the hierarchy of justifiable reasons to break up with a women, the list looks something like:

  1. Pulling a Lorena Bobbit on you

  2. Shooting your wife in the face

  3. Falling asleep during your favorite movie (Unless your favorite movie was a sci-fi movie directed by Ridley Scott, kin which case if she doesn’t fall asleep you should dump her because she probably has a sleep disorder).

  4. Cheating on you

Obviously, I’m being a bit facetious here (just a bit). But there is a lesson in here about wants vs. needs…

I have a friend who was going through a tough time years back, and saw a therapist. The therapist asked him to write out a list of what he was looking for in a woman. He created a giant list of “needs” that included, I kid you not, “must like Star Wars.”

Now that was a must. i.e. a deal breaker. “Must like Star Wars.” (and yes, all my friends are basically giant children)

The therapist got him to take a look at his list and reevaluate what he was making a need vs. a want. He pared down his list considerably to just this critical “must haves.” “Must like Star Wars,” wasn’t on the new list.

As you may have guessed, he did find a great woman who in fact does love Star Wars. They are married now. But if she didn’t love Star Wars he would be just as happy.

The Lesson: Sometimes we make our lives so hard by creating extensive lists of “must haves,” when in fact, we would be ridiculously happy by satisfying a few fundamental needs. Wants are great, and you can have as many wants as you want (ha!), but take a long look at the goals dreams, and even day to day expectations you have in your life. Have you set too many unnecessary conditions on what has to happen for you to be happy?

Ironically, as with my buddy, by letting go of some of the things you think are “needs” you just may end up getting them anyhow.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go change my online dating profile’s headline to, “Must Love Jaws”

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Minor Irritations Can Become Major Pains!

Posted on May 11, 2009 by Avish

Holy cow, canker sores suck!!

As you may have guessed from the title, I developed a canker sore this week. And I think I know how, and I have only myself to blame.

I was brushing my teeth one day, and as I was brushing my front top teeth by moving the toothbrush side to side, I accidentally jammed the toothbrush into the soft membrane that connects the upper lips and gums. Man that hurt! (Ironically, as a martial artist I train with sticks, staffs, nanchucks, kama, tonfa and occasionally knives – never had a problem. But a toothbrush – look out!) But there was no blood, so I continued on my merry way.

Two days later that area really stung. Now I was confused – did I cut myself, which seemed unlikely ’cause the pain didn’t start until a couple of days later, or was it a canker sore, which seems like a very odd coincidence.

As most people do when faced with confusion, I did nothing. For two days I just suffered. It was so annoying – the pain would go anywhere from a mild irritations to a ridiculously painful stinging. Sometimes it would make my teeth hurt. Many times I found it hard to focus and be productive.

I finally decided it was a canker sore. Then I visited the Mayo clinic’s website and discovered two things:

  1. I probably caused the canker sore with my toothbrush accident. From the website as one of the potential causes: “A minor injury to your mouth from dental work, overzealous brushing, sports mishaps, spicy or acidic foods, or an accidental cheek bite” (I am going to call it a “sports mishap” and not “overzealous brushing”)
  2. There is no real cure for canker sores. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, I did find ways of managing the symptoms, including Listerine and Anbesol. So now the sore is still with me but when it acts up I can make the pain go away and still go about my life.

That little canker sore, at times a minor irritation, grew into a major pain that really threw me off.

Lesson #1: Don’t ignore the minor irritations in your life. They may not seem like much, but they can tremendously impact your effectiveness and productivity. They can also grow and get worse. If something is irritating you, fix it as soon as possible.

Lesson #2: Indecision sucks. My confusion about what exactly the problem led me to two days of just suffering with this damn sore. I could have had a much better couple of days if I had just resolved to figure it out and make a decision right away.

Don’t let minor irritations turn into major pains in your life. And for the love of God, be careful when you brush your teeth!

Posted in Motivation & Success | 1 Comment

Does Greatness Just Happen?

Posted on May 8, 2009 by Avish

From some of my recent posts, you may know that I think that Rush is awesome!

Rush is a three man rock trio from Canada (and the have nothing to do with Rush Limbaugh). Geddy Lee is the lead singer, bass player, and also plays the keyboards. Sometimes he plays the keyboard with foot pedals while singing and playing the bass. He is considered one of the best bass players in the world, and won “Best Rock Bass” six times by Guitar Magazine.

Neal Peart, the drummer, is quite simply, a god. He is considered by many to be the best rock drummer on the planet (or, as some snooty drummer types like to say, the best “percussionist” on the planet. I don’t really know the difference, but I’m not a snooty drummer type). He has won more drumming awards than I can count. He is simply amazing. If you don’t know or don’t believe then watch this:

The guitarist, Alex Liefson, may not be considered to be the number one guitarist in the world, but he’s no slouch either. He won the “Best Rock Guitar” award from Guitar magazine twice, and was nominated another four times. If you ever see Rush live, you will be in awe of Liefson’s guitaring.

Now that I’ve waxed poetic about Rush, you may be wondering what all this has to do with you.

This all got me thinking. How did three of the best musicians in the world come together to form an amazing band? Does greatness just happen, or is there something more going on? More importantly, what we can we learn about how greatness happens that we can apply to our lives?

I think there are three possibilities for how this came about:

1 – Serendipity

Maybe it was just chance. An amazing bass player and amazing guitarist happened to be friends, started a band, and after the original drummer left (yes, Neil Peart was not on their first album) they happened to stumble across the greatest rock drummer of all time.

A lot of people like to believe it’s just chance. That way they can blame their lack of success on just not being lucky, or their excuse for not working hard because they’re just waiting for their “big break.” But that seems like a crazy idea.

2 – Sheer Volume of Numbers

Serendipity might not seem like that crazy an idea when you look at the number of rock bands that have formed and gone nowhere. Bands with very talented musicians form all the time, don’t hit it big, and then life happens and then band goes away and becomes nothing more than a topic of conversation at family reunions. Of those thousands of band formations, it seems more unlikely that one wouldn’t have some combination of top talent.

3 – The Grew Into their Greatness

Maybe it’s not chance at all. Maybe this band of talented musicians formed, just like any other, and then Rush worked their tails off to be the best.

In “Outliers,” Malcom Gladwell talks about the 10,000 hour rule. Based on research he analyzed, what separates people who are ok from people who are great from people who are at the top of the field is simply the number of hours they spend developing their craft. While some people disagree with Gladwell’s theory or the exact number of hours, no one can dispute the benefits of hard work. If anyone spends 10,000 hours working on anything, they are going to be damn good. Maybe greatness doesn’t happen; maybe it’s grown.

How do you think greatness happens?

I think the answer is a combination of all three. There is definitely a volume thing going on. Whatever you want to be great at, there are lots of people trying to be great at it too. How are you going to set yourself apart from the pack? Chance certainly plays a role, but chance just creates opportunities; you still need to take advantage of it. And without hard work and development, you can never be truly great.

I don’t know what the exact combination for Rush was, but I’m pretty sure all three elements were there. They were on band of thousands trying to make it.

Take a look at what you’re trying to achieve. Are you taking advantage of the opportunities you are creating by putting in the effort and hours to achieve it? Or are you just sitting by, waiting for someone to hand you a “big break” that will probably never come?

Posted in Business Advice, Motivation & Success | 4 Comments

A Reader’s Response to “Customer Service and the Big Ding!”

Posted on May 7, 2009 by Avish

Here’s a comment a reader, Beverly Kurtin, posted on my blog in response to my Customer Service and the Big Ding! post. Beverly used to work for Microsoft, and has a great attitude and approach to customer service. Take a look:

When I worked for the largest software maker in the world I ALWAYS remembered that the customer paid me, not a really nice billionaire in Washington. THE CUSTOMER PAYS ME AND I always ended my phone calls (I was a support engineer) with “Bob, what else can I help you with today?” When the customer told me the he or she didn’t want to take up any more of my time I said, “Hey, the only reason I woke up and drove to work today was because YOU were going to call me; that’s why I picked up the phone…so what’s your question?”

My idiot mangler (misspelling deliberate) couldn’t understand why people sent letters lauding me; they deserved the very best support I could give them and didn’t make them feel like idiots (Bob, I wasn’t born screaming control, alt, delete, you’re not a dummy, you just haven’t learned what I have, but that’s my job, to show you how to do your job better, okay?”

I’ve had more than my share of lousy service and when I got a chance to help some folks realize that not all computer support people were jerks.

I’d love to start a service to start teaching people how to be the best they can be in serving the public proudly and wonderfully.

How’s that for an awesome approach to customer service? How much more successful and effective would your organization be if all your customer service people had that attitude? Heck, how great would it be if everyone in your organization had that attitude?

It’s not just about skills and knowledge – the right approach can go a very very long way…

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Splling is Improtant!

Posted on May 6, 2009 by Avish

This is brilliant. A company that makes alphabet blocks for kids to help them learn spelling created their blocks with spelling errors on them!

That’s right – the spelling blocks were misspelled!

For “U” – “Umberlla.” For “Y” – “Yatch.” Right there on the blocks…

Now when it comes to spelling and typos I’m certainly not flawless. Just yesterday a friend pointed out a bunch of typos in my 5 Things You Can Learn From the Movie “Jaws” article. But here’s the thing: I am not blogging about the importance of spelling! To put this in context, it would be as if I got up to perform improv comedy and then said, “oh excuse me, I need to consult my script.” Ridiculous.

Lesson #1: Don’t be stupid. For what else can you call this but stupidity?

Lesson #2: You have to be congruent and authentic. Walk your talk!! When you don’t, that’s called being a hypocrite.

Lesson #3: Step #1 in the step by step process to improvising with anything is to focus on outcomes first. That doesn’t mean details aren’t important! Once you know your outcome (teaching kids to spell), you have to then focus on the details (teaching kids to spell correctly, duh!). Details support outcomes. Outcomes first but then pay attention to the details!

Think about your big dreams and goals. Once you’ve got those clearly in mind, are you making sure the details are taken care of? You better take care of them – some would day that’s where the Devil is…

P.S. I don’t think there are any typos or misspelled words in this post, but if there are you may rest assured that they are there intentionally out of irony.

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