I have a guest post up on Brett Clay’s Change Leadership Group website.
Brett is the author of Selling Change, which is a great book about how salespeople, to compete in the modern world, need to move beyond offering solutions to being agents of change.
In the post on Brett’s site, I explain how saying “Yes, And!” can help you to do just that.
For more info on Say “Yes, And!” and to learn about the $200 worth of free bonusesyou can get if you buy the book on February 28th, visit http://www.SayYesAnd.com
“I have used these strategies in my role as team lead at a video game studio, and the results have been impressive to say the least. Our team members feel more respected, feel listened to, feel as if they are contributing to the whole of the product.
I recommend this book wholeheartedly. It is well worth the price, and will really add a new dimension to the way you interact with the world.”
—
“Whether you are a business owner, corporate executive, sales professional, association executive, or non-profit leader, this book is for YOU. Filled with immediately actionable insights and concrete take-aways, this little book may trigger the biggest and best changes your team, your organization, and your results will ever experience.”
—
“Say ‘Yes, And’ is a fast read, too. The 2 hours that I spent reading were well worth it. If you want to change your world and make your life (and the lives around you) better, read this book.”
For more info on Say “Yes, And!” and to learn about the $200 worth of free bonusesyou can get if you buy the book on the 28th, visit http://www.SayYesAnd.com
One success tip that I have heard, that I have talked about, and that I have elicited in an interview (with Neen James on the Smart Ass Success Audio Series) is the idea of getting a partner, or “buddy.”
There are different types of partners, collaborators, and helpers:
An accountability buddy is someone who you check in with periodically to hold yourself accountable; to make sure you are following through and doing what you say you would.
A coach is someone who also hold you accountable, but also shares advice and wisdom with you
A creative collaborator is someone you work with on projects.
A business partner is someone you work with, perhaps in a way that complements your own skill set
An outsourcer, contractor, or employee is someone is someone you hire to help you with the tasks you hate and have little skill for so you can spend your time on the things you love.
There are certainly other types or partnerships you can form to help you achieve your goals, and they all have their strengths.
Now, however, I am going to share with you a new type of partner:
The “Yes, And!” Buddy
One of the premises in my book, Say Yes, And! is that every good thing that happens to you comes as a result of saying, “Yes, And!”
As I was reflecting on this idea in my own life, I realized that for many of those “Yes, And!” moments, I didn’t say, “Yes, And!” alone. I had someone right there with me saying “Yes, And!” back.
Here are a few examples:
When I decided to audition for my first high school play, I mentioned it to a friend and he said, “Yes, And I will do it too.”
When I wanted to put on my own community theater production, while still in high school, I had another friend who said, “Yes, And I want to do it with you.”
When I started my improv group, Polywumpus, after college, I had three friends who jumped up and said, “Yes, that’s a great idea, And we want to be a part of it.”
Those are just three small examples that had a big impact on my life, and there are many more. I’m not sharing them here to brag about how awesome I am. In fact, it’s kind of the contrary…
I am saying, that as powerful it was for me to say, “Yes, And!” to those opportunities, I honestly don’t know if I would have followed through on all of them if I didn’t have someone (or multiple people) standing there next to me saying, “Yes, And!” too.
This was a powerful realization. Looking at my current life, I know that I still have “Yes, And!” friends who will support me, and jump in with me if I need. And yet, I don’t always leverage those relationships like I should.
In fact, it seems like I often first seek out people who can point out why my idea is not so great. Yes, I go looking for a “yes, but” reaction.
There’s nothing wrong with talking with people who can bring you down to reality and point out why you may not want to run with your idea. Surrounding yourself with only people who support every cockamamie idea you have can be dangerous.
However, this is an issue of timing. Sometimes – oftentimes, actually – you need unconditional support. You need blind optimism. And most importantly, you need someone who will grab your arm and jump off the cliff with you.
It’s true, sometimes your “Yes, And” may yield less than stellar results, and you may end up wasting some time, energy, and money. But at the end of the day, saying, “Yes, And!” is the only way to achieve anything great. You need people who will support you in that.
So let me ask you three questions:
1) Who are your “Yes, And!” buddies? If you don’t know, you may need to make some more friends.
2) Do you turn to those “Yes, And!” buddies when you’re starting a new idea? Or do you immediately ask for feedback from the “yes, butters?”
3) Whose “Yes, And!” buddy are you? It’s a two way street. Help others out by saying “Yes, And!” to them when they need it.
Find a “Yes, And” buddy. Be a “Yes, And!” buddy. Say a lot more “Yes, And!”
Yes, And it’s just that simple…
For more info on Say “Yes, And!” and to learn about the $200 worth of free bonusesyou can get if you buy the book on the 28th, visit http://www.SayYesAnd.com
For more info on Say “Yes, And!” and to learn about the $200 worth of free bonusesyou can get if you buy the book on the 28th, visit http://www.SayYesAnd.com
My new book, Say “Yes, And!” is launching next Tuesday, February 28th. Here’s a short fun and video that explains what “Yes, And!” is and why you should care:
NOTE: Buy a copy of Say “Yes, And!” on Tuesday, February 28th and you’ll get access to over $200 in bonuses! For more information, visit: SayYesAnd.com
How often do you “but” the people you love? Have you though about the message that sends?
When it comes to the people we are closest to in our lives – significant others, children, parents, etc. – we want to love them unconditionally. Unconditional love means “to love someone regardless of one’s actions or beliefs.” It’s the kind of love that says, “I love you no matter what.” It’s pretty awesome.
Saying, “I love you” is a great way to express your love. However, too often we say “I love you” and follow it immediately with the word, “but.”
Unfortunately, “but” is the ultimate conditional word.
When you start a sentence with “I love you, but…” you are sending the message that your love has limits. That it has conditions. That it depends on how the other person behaves.
Yes, you may at times need to express displeasure. You may need to correct behavior. You may need to express anger.
However, doing any of those things by starting with “I love you, but…” does not achieve the goal you think it does. You want the message to be “I want you to know that even though I am getting mad at you, I still love you.”
Though that’s what you want the message to be, and though that’s what your words seem to literally say, that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the meaning being conveyed.
In learning, the “Law of Recency” says that “the most recent response is most likely to reoccur.” Basically, that means that people remember what happens last. If you lead with “I love you but…,” guess what will be remembered?
Yup. Whatever comes after the “but.” Which is the negative part.
There are three ways to avoid this:
1) Drop the “I love you” altogether – Not the best solution, I’ll admit. But better to just give your feedback in that moment without tying it to the level of your love. Of course, this strategy only works if you make it a point to tell the person that you love them, later, without qualification.
2) Move the “I love you” to later – Give your feedback, criticism, whatever, and then say “I love you.” Let that be the last thing they remember.
3) Switch to “I love you and” – This is the most effective strategy. It’s also the most difficult. When you find yourself starting to say, “I love you, but…” switch to “I love you, and…” It will be difficult, because you can’t just replace “but” with “and” and say the same thing you were going to anyway. You’ll have to rephrase. So, “I love you but when you leave your dirty clothes on the floor it pisses me off,” becomes “I love you and I’d really appreciate it if you would remember to put your clothes in the hamper.” The “and” primes your mind to go down a more positive path.
Is this just semantics? Could be. But the words we choose are one of the main ways we communicate with each other. Why wouldn’t you want to carefully select them to make sure the people you love know that you love them unconditionally?
For the people you love the most, for the ones who you truly do love unconditionally, stop saying, “I love you but…” Switch to “I love you and…” and let them know how much you love then.
What better gift could you give your loved ones on Valentine’s Day?
*** Want to learn more about the idea of saying “Yes, And!”? Then sign up to receive your free Pre-Release copy of Avish’s new book, Say “Yes, And!” between Feb 20 and Feb 23!
The internet is a weird, cool place. It provides information to resources, information, contacts, and potential buyers, right there at the tips of your fingers. You can get a tremendous accomplished without ever leaving home. Or showering. Or putting your pants on (not that I would know anything about that…).
Of course, the internet is not magic. Too many people use it ineffectively because they don’t understand what it is best used for.
Just because you can send marketing messages and advertisements for free (via email, blog post, tweet, status update, etc.) doesn’t mean you always should. Of course you can mix it up, but too many people just blast nothing but “BUY NOW!” messages.
So, if you are not going to use the internet to blast your prospects with sales messages, what should you use it for?
You can use it for many things:
Building relationships with prospects
Addressing customer issues and complaints
Researching what the trends and challenges of your industry are
And more
An interesting perspective on this is the idea of using the internet to first and foremost build trust.
This is the entire premise of the New York Times bestselling book, “Trust Agents” by Chris Brogan and Julien Smith. The book explains why and how you should use the internet to build trust in a way that is authentic and that helps you grow your business.
From the description:
“…once you’ve established your reputation, you can build influence, share it, and reap the benefits of it for your business. When you’ve learned a trust agent’s secrets, your words can carry more power and more weight than any PR firm or big corporate marketing department.”
This is a great book that may change the way you go about your marketing efforts and your use of social media.
I’m not going to go into deep detail here about everything the book covers. I would recommend picking up a copy, reading it, and seeing how you can apply the ideas to your own business.
What I want to talk about here is improv comedy.
Yes. Improv comedy.
You see, I was happily reading “Trust Agents” when to my pleasant surprise I came across a section titled, “How ‘Yes, and…’ Applies to Trust Agents.”
Wow! A book on using the internet to build trust and grow a business that devotes two pages to talking about improv comedy. Awesome.
(If you are new to this blog and not sure why that excites me so, it’s because the idea of applying improv comedy ideas to business and life is what my speaking business is all about. I even wrote two books about it: Improvise to Success! and Say “Yes, And!”)
From the book (emphasis mine)
“The premise, as it applies to doing business on the Web, is this: Be open to possibility. One of our secrets as trust agents in formulating ideas around making our own game, building armies, thinking about leverage, and other forces at play is that we think with a “Yes, and…” mentality. The opposite is to be closed-minded, to look at what could go wrong, to consider the negatives. This one tiny detail makes a world of difference in how you perceive your options on the web.
To that point, practice saying, “Yes, and…” to everything, if only in your own head.”
Powerful stuff, eh? The one detail of saying, “Yes, And” makes a world of difference.
When you say “Yes, And,” or at the very least think in terms of “Yes, And,” you are keeping your mind open to possibilities and opportunities.
This is certainly easier said than done. Most of us have a tendency to think and say, “No,” or “yes, but” as a default response. By simply approaching everything in your life with a “Yes, And” approach, you create and find options for your life and business that you would have otherwise overlooked.
Ask yourself, “Am I a ‘Yes, And’ person or a ‘yes, but’ person?” Be honest. Don’t beat yourself up if you realize that you tend to say and think, “yes, but.” At the same time, now that you know, work on developing a “Yes, And” mindset. It can help both you and your business grow.
Now, let me leave you with a final quote from Trust Agents:
“Understanding improvisational comedy has actually made a difference in our business lives.”
Hey, if it’s good enough for a New York Times bestseller, shouldn’t it be good enough for the rest of us?
*** Want to learn more about the idea of saying “Yes, And!”? Then sign up to receive your free Pre-Release copy of Avish’s new book, Say “Yes, And!” between Feb 20 and Feb 23!
Sorry if that sounds too rude or blunt, but you know it’s true. Meetings, while sometimes necessary and occasionally useful, are quite often a giant waste of time.
Ask someone who spends long hours at the office and they’ll tell you that it’s because they spend so much time in meetings they have to work late to get their “real work” done. Even if the meeting itself is necessary, it’s not uncommon for it to take much longer than it needs to.
If you are a leader or manager, then it is your job to run the meeting. This means it’s your job to be respectful of everyone’s time and to make the meeting as efficient as possible.
Here are five ways of doing this that you may not have considered:
1) Start and End on Time
This one should be a no-brainer, but for some reason it isn’t. And quite often, it’s the leader who’s the worst offender.
If you’re running the meeting, be there ready to start on time. If all possible, don’t wait for people who are late. If tardiness is a persistent problem with some attendees, talk to them and let them know that it is unacceptable.
Similarly, don’t let your meetings run over time. Be respectful of everyone’s time, and don’t be the reason someone ends up late for another meeting they have to attend.
2) “Time-box” Your Activities
Time-boxing is a time-management technique where you break your activities into small chunks and then assign blocks of time to work on them. When the block of time is done, you move on. You can do this in your meetings as well.
Once you know what you need to cover in your meeting, assign a time period to each item. Spend only that much time on each item, and make sure that’s the only thing you focus on during that time. You’ll be amazed at how efficient you can be when you
Assign a time-frame.
Only focus on one thing at a time.
As the leader, it will be your job to make sure everyone sticks to the schedule and stays on task.
3) Know What Decisions You Have to Make. Then Make Them.
Meetings (specifically, internal team meetings) are best used to do two things:
Brainstorm ideas
Make decisions
Sadly, so many meetings end up being filled with status updates or meandering discussion.
Before you run a meeting, be clear on not just what you need to cover, but what outcomes you need to achieve. Be clear on what decisions need to be made before the meeting ends. Then make those decisions.
Decisions can be made by majority vote or an individual (in the case where one person owns the project). But nothing happens until a decision gets made. So don’t let your meeting end without making the decisions that need to be made.
4) Use a Consent Agenda
The first time someone explained a “consent agenda” to me, I thought, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a set of pre-meeting reports.” Boy was I wrong…
In a nutshell, here’s how a consent agenda works.
Everyone attending the meeting submits a report of what they have been up to, what challenges they have faced, and what they are proposing. The report needs to be submitted in advance by at least a few days.
One central person collects and emails out the reports to everyone. Everyone reads all the reports when they have time. But it has to be before the meeting.
At the meeting, the person running it makes a motion to approve the consent agenda.
If you (or anyone) wants to discuss any part of someone’s report, you say so here.
Once all the bits that need to be discussed are identified, the group votes to pass everything else that’s still in the agenda.
Once that vote passes, those items are not discussed the rest of the meeting.
The group then goes through all the items that were marked as “to-be discussed.”
That’s it. I’m sure I’ve over-simplified it a bit, and you “Roberts Rules” loving types are probably blowing a gasket, but that’s the gist. For more info, search Google for “consent agenda.”
The beauty of the consent agenda is that it eliminates the boring, pro-longed status updates that bog down every meeting.
“What if people don’t read the reports in advance? What if they don’t submit them in advance?”
Good questions. This is the greatest strength and weakness of the consent agenda: it forces your meeting attendees to act like professionals and adults…
If you’re the leader, take a hard line on both submitting reports and reading them in advance.
It may be difficult at first, but it will be well worth it. With one organization, we were able to cut a board meeting that traditionally took two hours down to thirty minutes – and sometimes even less!
5) Get Rid of the Chairs
To be honest, I have not tried this idea, but I love it in concept.
The next time you have a meeting, do it standing up. Use a room that has no chairs, remove the chairs from the room, or just force everyone to stand.
It is very easy to sit back, get comfortable, and lose track of time when you are sitting in a comfortable chair at a big conference table.
If you want to run an efficient meeting, take that comfort away. Have everyone stand up and you’ll be amazed at how efficient people become.
Having a “standing meeting” can be incredibly useful for brainstorming session. Creative energy is usually much higher when people are standing up then when they are slumped back in a chair.
This approach won’t work for all people, all environments, or all types of meetings. However, when you can use it, you may find it to be incredibly powerful.
When used effectively, meetings are a great way to collaborate, stay on track, and make key decisions. When used poorly, as they so often are, they are a great way to waste a lot of people’s time. Try the five techniques above to run better, more efficient, and more productive meetings. Your employees will thank you!
*** Do you want help making better long term decisions? How about help figuring out what exactly it is that you want? Or maybe you know, but your problem is that you don’t know how to put together a plan to get you there? Or perhaps you have a plan, but never feel motivated to follow it? Or you jyst get easily derailed when things go wrong? If so, than the Smart Ass Success! Learn the 7 Steps to Getting What You Really Want – Even If You Have No Idea What That Is! FREE E-Book is for you! It addresses those questions (and more) to help you get on the path towards figuring out what you really want – and then getting it! Don’t let another year pass you by. Click here to download your free copy now!
No, that does not mean that today we celebrate Rush Limbaugh, or that we go out and join a sorority or fraternity.
No, what it means is that today we honor and celebrate the music of the greatest rock band ever: RUSH!!
I don’ know who decided it, but I am glad they did. Today makes sense because the album that made Rush’s career was called “2112,” and today is February 1st, 2012 (2-1-12. Get it?).
I could spend this entire post just talking about how awesome Rush is, but rather than do that, I will pass along some Motivational Smart Ass wisdom I have gleaned from the greatness that is Rush.
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
This song has quite a few lines around the idea of pre-destination and whether there are higher powers that guide our lives. Rather than open up the door (and my comments) to a huge religious debate, I want to simply focus on the most powerful line in the song: “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”
How awesome is that? And so appropriate. Many live their lives avoiding making decisions, putting things off until:
The decision no longer matters
Someone else decides
Time (or some other factor) makes the decision for them
It’s tempting to avoid tough decisions until they go away on their own. Just remember that you’re still making a decision when you choose to put things off.
Also, keep in mind that great leaders, entrepreneurs, and artists are the ones who make strong, tough choices (maybe not in every area of their lives, but certainly in the areas they excel in). If you want to be great at something, if you want to build your business or further your career, then get better at making real choices.
Rush Wants to Know: Are you making a real choice, or are you choosing not to decide? Even if you believe in fate, are you still taking actions, making decisions, and doing things to move you forward? Exert your freewill!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpCASVFyQoE
2) The Pass
Album: Presto
All of us get lost in the darkness
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
All of us do time in the gutter
Dreamers turn to look at the cars
Let me get this out right now: this song is about the tragedy of teenage suicide. I would never profess to offer advice to someone thinking about killing themselves (I’ll leave that to the professionals) but the message in the song is terrific for anyone who ever feels down, lost, or like giving up.
The difference between people who continue to work towards their goals and dreams when things get down and those who pack it in is perspective. The dreamers, the ones who keep progressing, take on two perspectives that others don’t:
They look at whatever good they can find. Stars in the darkness, cars in the gutter, etc. You can focus on what’s awful, or look for the silver lining. Dreamers look at the good.
They realize they are not alone. When things aren’t going right, it’s easy to say, “Woe is me,” and wonder why everyone else is doing so well but you suck so hard. It helps to remember that everyone you are comparing yourself to, at some point, was down and faced the darkness sometime. If they got out of it, you can too.
Life is full of ups and downs. Learn to ride out the downs and stay on track, and your ups will be even higher.
Rush Wants to Know: How do you respond (or how have you responded) to your down times? Do you have a tendency to give up, or do you dig in, make the best of your situation, and realize that this happens to everyone?
3) Carve Away the Stone
Album: Test for Echo
You can roll that stone
To the top of the hill
Drag your ball and chain
Behind you
You can carry that weight
With an iron will
Or let the pain remain
Behind you
Chip away the stone
Chip away the stone
Make the burden lighter
If you must roll that rock alone
This was something of a forgotten song for me, as it’s at the end of one of Rush’s less great albums (notice I said, “less great,” and not “bad.” Don’t even think it…) However, I started re-listening to it and have found it really resonating with me, in great part due to the lyrics.
The premise of the song is simple: you can either hold-on to the burden of whatever is weighing you down or you can let it go, little by little, to make your life a whole lot easier.
Too many of us carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. It could be guilt from the past, anxiety about the future, an overly developed sense of responsibility, or whatever.
While some pressure and stress can help spur you to action, too much will weight you down and prevent you from achieving all that you want and deserve.
Rush Wants to Know: What are you holding on to that is weighing you down? What do you need to let go of? What can you do to “carve away the stone” and make the burden lighter?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtsXaGUpG5w
4) Roll the Bones
Album: Roll the Bones
Well, you can stake that claim Good work is the key to good fortune Winners take that praise Losers seldom take that blame … Why are we here? Because we’re here Roll the bones Why does it happen? Because it happens Roll the bones
Back when Roll the Bones came out, my non-Rush fan friends (yes, I had some, though for the life of me I can’t imagine why) took great joy in making fun of me by mocking these lyrics. I suppose the chorus, “Why are we here? Because we’re here / Roll the bones” could sound a little trite.
To me, however, it’s a powerful line and a reminder that sometimes, Ding Happens! It helps if you know that the phrase, “Roll the Bones” means “roll the dice.”
When things go wrong through no fault of our own, it’s easy to throw your hands up and scream, “why me?? Why did this happen to me??” The answer in this song is that sometimes it’s just blind luck (good or bad).
On the one hand, this may sound depressing and not motivational at all. “You mean that I could not succeed, just due to random chance?” Well, yeah.
But, the motivational part comes in when you use the “Roll the Bones” approach to dealing with the unexpected when it does occur. Many people waste a ton of time and energy lamenting their fate, trying to assign blame, and wondering why the universe has it in for them.
A much more powerful approach is to simply accept that hey, something things go wrong. Pick up the pieces, fix it, and move on. This is not to say that you shouldn’t learn from mistakes and try to find out what went wrong. But sometimes you just have to let it go.
Remember, “Winners take the praise,” that “good work is the key to good fortune.”
Rush Wants to Know: When things go wrong, do you spend energy blaming some unseen force, or do you waste time feeling sorry for yourself? Be a winner, and take responsibility for your own success.
(You’re going to want to watch this video, because at one point there is a rapping skeleton…)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VzAKpPJTqQ
5) Everyday Glory
Album: Counterparts
If the future’s looking dark We’re the ones who have to shine If there’s no one in control We’re the ones who draw the line Though we live in trying times We’re the ones who have to try Though we know that time has wings We’re the ones who have to fly…
This is a simple song about the importance of everyday people taking action to make things better, regardless of how bad things may be around them.
Ultimately, you’re the one responsible for you. In fact, most major changes start with an individual saying, “I have to do something.” That could be righting a wrong, fighting an injustice, or simply taking control of your own life.
Remember, all great people started out as simple people making the decision to take action. There’s no reason that can’t be you.
Rush Wants to Know:Are you sitting around, waiting for someone or something to come along that makes everything better? Or are you taking action, however small, to “be the one has to shine”?
(Shockingly, I could not find a version of this song on Youtube. Go find it on Spotify and give it a listen…)
There you have it: 5 more awesomely motivational lines from awesomely great Rush songs. Go, listen to Rush, and be motivated.
And for those of you who have no idea what 2112 is, sit back, relax, and enjoy the next 20 minutes of your life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQEgZNqa8jE
Happy National Rush Day!
P.S. Why not let all the Rush-o-philes in your life (you know there are some!) know about this post? Click the Facebook “Like” button at the top of this page and share the love
*** Do you want help making better long term decisions? How about help figuring out what exactly it is that you want? Or maybe you know, but your problem is that you don’t know how to put together a plan to get you there? Or perhaps you have a plan, but never feel motivated to follow it? Or you jyst get easily derailed when things go wrong? If so, than the Smart Ass Success! Learn the 7 Steps to Getting What You Really Want – Even If You Have No Idea What That Is! FREE E-Book is for you! It addresses those questions (and more) to help you get on the path towards figuring out what you really want – and then getting it! Don’t let another year pass you by. Click here to download your free copy now!
I have a guest post up on Brett Clay’s Change Leadership Group website.
Want to learn more about the idea of saying “Yes, And!”? Then sign up to receive your free Pre-Release copy of Avish’s new book, Say “Yes, And!” between Feb 20 and Feb 23!
