Don’t Talk Yourself Into Not Being You

Quick question: Where does the most negative voice in your life come from?

You may have instantly thought of an overbearing parent, an annoying co-worker, a cruel boss, or a well-meaning-but-incredibly-critical friend, but I would say, if you are like many, many people, the most negative voice in your life may very well come from you…

I recently came across a video of Bill Cosby giving a speech to a graduating class at Carnegie Melon University.  

This is a great speech, and on one of my other sites I give speakers advice on how they can use lessons from this speech to make their own presentations better. You can read that one here:

Public Speaking Lessons from Bill Cosby

You can watch the whole speech here (it’s great, and well worth watching):
 

On this blog, I want to talk about the message itself. If you don’t have the time or ability to watch the entire speech, let me quickly sum it for you: The story is about his early days in comedy, when he was a rising star, trying to break through. He thought he was really good, and one day two important men from a club Cosby wanted to perform at came to see him. At first he didn’t think twice on it, but soon the little voices of doubt started in his head, and by the time he took the stage he had totally psyched himself out and did an awful performance. Fortunately, he had two shows, and the second one went much better.

After the story, he makes his point:

“Don’t talk yourself into not being you. At any time. You don’t have an excuse that works. When you say, ‘but I was nervous.’ That’s not you. That’s not how you got here.”

The message is great, and one we all need to re-hear from time to time.  I know I have been guilty of this at times:

As a speaker – One of my earliest gigs, I realized I was speaking to a group of very wealthy, very successful people, and felt way out of my league. I also realized that they had previously had a much more famous speaker before me, and I totally psyched myself out. Blah.

As an improviser –One of the first times we had a big paper come review our show, my improv group, Polywumpus, we tanked. All of us, myself included. I had put too much focus on trying to impress the reviewer, and not enough focus on just doing my best.

As a leader – As a younger man I would too easily let myself get pushed into doing things I didn’t agree with because other, older (though not necessarily more experienced or smarter) people would strongly push me in a different direction. I let too many doubts creep up to stand by my own ideas.

There are many more. I am sure you have them too. We are often our own worst enemy, talking ourselves out of doing our best and getting what we want by letting doubts, fears, and nerves take hold.

Cosby continues:

“Yeah you can be nervous, it’s good for you, it tunes you. But people want to see you. I don’t care what you do, when you’re good, then you bring you out.”

This is very true – the more “you” you bring to the table, the better you’ll do, and the happier you’ll be.

The next time you hear the voices start to come up, the next time you feel nervous, the next time you doubt yourself, think of Bill Cosby in your ear, giving you that simple but powerful advice: “Don’t talk yourself into not being you…I don’t care what you do, when you’re good, then you bring you out.”

How about you?

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever talked yourself out of not being you? Share your story or experience (brief is fine) of a time you talked yourself into not being you in the comments below!

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About

By Avish Parashar. As the world's only Motivational Improviser, Avish uses techniques from the world of improv comedy to engage, entertain, and educate audiences on ideas around change, creativity, and motivation. Connect with Avish on Google+

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