Communication Lessons from MTV’s “Jersey Shore”

Yes, you read that title right: Communication Lessons from MTV’s “Jersey Shore.”

I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I am kinda addicted to the show (and yes, I have blogged about it before). It’s my chance to observe a unique subculture from the safety of my own home. I feel like Jane Goodall observing chimpanzees in their natural habitat, only with less fear of having feces thrown at me. Only slightly less.

While watching the show, I realized that there are some things we can all learn from the interactions of the characters. I know it sounds crazy to pull communication lessons from a show where people communicate worse than Darth Vader trying to give an employee constructive criticism. But think about it this way: did you ever take a Driver’s Ed or Health class where they showed movies of awful car crashes with mangled vehicles and bloody roads to convince you not to drink and drive? That’s what this is like. You can learn a lot from observing the wrong way of doing things.

For those of you not watching – and frankly, for the sake of your brain cells, social skills, and the future of humanity, I hope that’s most of you – let me summarize the situation:

Whoops, that’s not the situation, that’s “the Situation,” as in Mike, “the Situation” Sorrentino. Yes, he refers to himself as “the Situation.” He also refers to his abs as “the Situation.” He also refers to various situations as “the Situation.” He basically uses the word “Situation” wherever he can. It’s like the Smurfs, only instead of blue, industrious, and friendly, he’s orange, dumb, and horny.

Smurfy!

The Situation is projected to earn 5 Million Dollars this year, will appear on Dancing with the Stars, and received a 6 figure advance for his autobiography. I, on the other hand, am projected to earn $72.01, hope to appear for free for three minutes at a local open mic, and am working to self-publish my next book. If you ever needed an argument against Karma, this is it. But I digress…

Here’s our story so far:

On season 1, Ronnie and Sammi starting dating. In between season 1 and 2 they broke up. Reunited back in the house for season 2, they get back together. Sort of. You see, every night at the clubs when Sammi’s not there, Ronnie dances, grinds, hooks up with, and gets phone numbers from various women. Then he comes home and sleeps with Sam (the technical Jersey Shore term for that apparently is “smushing.” Which, if you think about it, is simultaneously accurate and disgusting…).

Everyone else in the house knows Ronnie is doing this but no one is telling Sam, even when she asks them straight out. Two of the girls in the house, J-Woww and Snooki (I don’t make these names up people, I just report on them), write Sammi an anonymous note and leave it in her bedroom. They wrote an anonymous note because they:

1. Were afraid to tell her directly
2. Didn’t want Ronnie to find out that they spilled the beans to Sammi

An anonymous note?!? There are only 8 people in the house. Only two of them, Snooki and J-Woww, are tight friends with Sammi. Do they honestly believe people in the house won’t know???

Last week’s episode left off with Sammi pissed at Ronnie and both Sammi and Ronnie trying to figure out who wrote the note. Wow, these remedial Encyclopedia Browns make Inspector Cluseau look like Hercule Poirot. (To be fair, Ronnie did read the note and assume it was J-Woww and not Snooki because the note contained the word “wisely.” To this Ronnie said, “Snooki don’t use words like that.” That’s both clever and hilarious).

Not the brightest bulbs... Tip: If you want to feel smarter about yourself, watch this video

Just based on the fact that you are reading a blog like this (or more correctly, based on the fact that you are reading anything at all), I am going to assume that you are smarter than the average Jersey Shore cast member. But like I said, sometimes you can learn a lot from watching the worst case scenario…

Here then are three communication lessons you can learn from MTV’s Jersey Shore:

Have the Hard Conversation

You gotta have those tough conversations

A lot of the drama on the show comes from the fact that nobody is willing to have the hard conversation and do what’s right. The girls don’t want to talk to Sammi because she’ll be upset, and they’re afraid Ronnie will find out and get pissed. Oh well, them’s the breaks. Sometimes you have to have the hard conversations.

I recently came across the following Colin Powell quote: “Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off.” There’s a lot of truth to those words, and the Jersey Shore people could have really used that lesson. Not that I believe the Jersey Shore housemates are familiar with the sayings of Colin Powell. I would bet at least 25% of them have no idea who Colin Powell is. At least one of them would assume “Colin Powell” is a procedure to fix a gastrointestinal problem.

If you are content to slink in the background, add stress to your life, allow your friends to get taken advantage of, and basically let life push you around, then sure, avoid those hard conversations.

For the rest of us, who would like to live good lives filled with happiness and good relationships, we need to have those hard talks from time to time.

Don’t get me wrong; they suck! But in the long run they are well worth the effort.

Be Mad About the Right Thing

There is more stupid anger on this show than just about anywhere else

What strikes me as ridiculous, whether on the Jersey Shore show or anywhere in life, is how people who are doing something wrong will get crazy upset at others for not helping them get away with it. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

If you cheat on your girlfriend in front of everyone, including your girlfriend’s friends, then you are an idiot and you deserve to get caught. Sure, you can rely on the fear your ‘roided up muscles instill in the witnesses, but at some point it’s going to come out. Stop being so pissed at people for reporting your infidelity and start living like a better human being.

If you want to lie, cheat, and steal, go for it, but realize that at some point someone with a little moral integrity is going to come along and not get sucked into your web of deceit.

The lesson here goes beyond covering up infidelity though; it’s about taking responsibility for your own success and failure.

Have you ever lost a sale and then been really angry at the prospect because, “they just didn’t get it”? Or gotten mad at an audience for not responding well to your presentation? Or been pissed at a client for not loving your work? Don’t be mad; take responsibility, fix the situation (not “the Situation”) and work hard to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

This is not to say that sometimes clients and others are never wrong (they often are), nor is it to say that you should beat yourself up when things don’t go well. Just stop directing anger at other people and start taking responsibility by controlling the one thing you can control: your own actions.

Think Big Picture

Someday these people will have children. And those children will want answers...

Here’s what’s astonishing about all these people trying to keep secrets from each other: They’re being filmed!! At some point, Sammi is going to see the show and know Ronnie was hooking up with other women. At some point, Ronnie is going to watch and know J-Woww and Snooki wrote the note. At some point, these people’s children will have to work very, very hard to make sure their friends never see what their parents did “back in the day.”

We can only assume one of two things is going on:

1. They forget they’re on TV
2. They don’t care, and only want to make decisions to get them through the short term.

Either way, it’s dumb, dumb, dumb…

If your goal is to have a good old party time and hook up with lots of people and not worry about it, then sure, think short term. But for most of your communication and relationship decisions, you are much better off keeping the big picture in perspective.

Don’t make stupid short terms decisions that will bite you later on. Don’t lie to save yourself 5 minutes of discomfort now and have it result in potentially year long problems later (not to mention the added stress of maintaining the lie).

When you feel tempted to take the easy road, pause, breath, think, and remember the big picture. If your short term relief is going to lead to long term pain, then rethink your plan.

Even if you never watch the show, these are three communication lessons you can take away to reduce your stress, increase your effectiveness, and stay on the track to success. Try them the next time you are faced with a tough communication situation, or happen to meet “the Situation,” and you will be well on you way to making better decisions than J-Woww, Snooki, et al.

***
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About

By Avish Parashar. As the world's only Motivational Improviser, Avish uses techniques from the world of improv comedy to engage, entertain, and educate audiences on ideas around change, creativity, and motivation. Connect with Avish on Google+

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