Dying a Little Bit on the Inside

Yesterday, as a favor to a friend, I taught a 75 minute workshop on improvisational comedy to a group of fifth graders. If you know me at all, you know that I would rather pound my head into the side of a moving RV than teach a group of young kids. But I did it…

Don’t misunderstand me: I actually like kids a lot. My sister has two kids, and my best friend has a daughter (about whom I have written in the past). I love spending time and playing with all of them. However, teaching kids is another issue altogether. That is something I kinda sorta hate…

I have taught kids improv comedy. I have taught kids martial arts. Doing both of those, I learned one simple rule: the younger they get, the less I like teaching them. I almost quit a job that actually paid real money to teach and perform improv comedy (how rare is that??) when I got stuck doing a bunch of kids’ shows. I did quit training in the martial arts for a few years after teaching 7-13 year olds twice a week. I felt like quitting the speaking business a few years ago when I landed a series of gigs teaching kids communication skills (wow, I shuddered just writing that! I guess I had suppressed that memory…)

Why then, would I agree to teach a class of fifth graders if I dislike it so much?

Two reasons:

1. When a friend needs a favor, you suck it up and help.
2. You can do anything for a short amount of time.

The experience turned out to not be so bad. My buddy helped and served as my assistant, the kids were pretty good, and we got through the workshop. It turned out ok, but I wouldn’t do it again unless I really had to.

What is interesting to me is that everytime I work with a group of kids, whether it’s teaching them improv or martial arts, bystanders will always say, “oh, you’re so good with kids!” I quickly point out to them that yes, I am good at it, but no, I don’t like it. At all. In the least. And please don’t ask me to do it again. Ever. Ever. Ever.

A few weeks ago I wrote an article on finding the intersection between your talents, passion, and market. Evidently, I have a talent for teaching kids. Is there a market for it? Yes, I know speakers who make a good living speaking exclusively to the youth market. Heck, I was even practically offered a job running a karate school if I would be willing to take on the bulk of the teaching (teaching a minimum of five kids’ classes a week?!?! I’d sooner kisss a wookie…)

I have a talent for it, and there is a market for it, but there is no passion at all. For me, in this situation, it is pretty clear cut, but in many other situations it might not be so obvious. This is a trap many people fall into: You find something you are good at, and then you find someone to pay you for it, but you tend to ignore, suppress, or not even notice your complete lack of passion for the work.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t take on some work you don’t love in times of need; you do what you have to do. But be aware of what you are doing, and actively work to move on from it.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to be aware of whether you have any passion for what you are doing:

Do You Die a Little Inside When You Think About It?

Welcome to my world. Whenever someone asks me to work with a group of kids, I feel myself dying just a little bit on the inside. You know the feeling: your stomach turns a little bit, your shoulders drop, and you feel like a Dementor just sucked the soul out of your body. It’s not fun.

The feeling may enot be so pronounced for you, but attention to the negative signs. They start small and grow; the sooner you notice them tem the sooner you can take corrective action.

I think Stephen King said it best: “Ask yourself frequently, “Am I having fun?” The answer needn’t always be yes. But if it’s always no, it’s time for a new project or career.”

Are You “Good Exhausted” or “Bad Exhausted” at the End?

At the end of just about every speaking or training gig I do, I feel pretty exhausted. I like to give it my all in every gig, be it big or small. Over the years I have noticed a difference in the types of exhaustion I feel.

After the types of gigs I like, I feel a satisified exhaustion. I am tired, but I feel great. I could keep going if I needed to. Heck, I would like to keep going.

After the non-passion type gigs I am ready to curl up in a ball and disengage from the world for a bit. I don’t want to interact with others. Quite often, I feel like I really want a beer.

If you find yourself consistently feeling “bad exhausted” it may be time to try a different path.

Are You Running Out of Time of Stretching to Fill Time?

This may apply to teachers, speakers, and trainers more than to others, but it is a huge distinction for me. It took me a while to realize it, but I found that when I am doing one of my “whoopie! I feel great about this” gigs I am struggling to fit all my material in the time allotted. When it comes to the “dying a little bit inside” gigs, I am scambling to fill the time, and often hoping we can end early. This dichotomy happens irresptive of how much time i have. For a gig I like I can have troubling keeping it to four hours of material, and with ones I don’t I can have trouble filling an hour.

If you aren’t in the speaking/training biz, you can translate this to “is it easy or hard for you?” Does time fly by, or are you staring at the clock? Do you wish you had more time or are you hoping someone will cut your time short?

If you find yourself hoping that someone will come in and “save you” by ending your work early, it may be time to seek a more fulfilling pursuit.

Life is very short. Sometimes you’ll have to do things that you don’t have passion for. And sometimes you’ll have to do things that make you feel like your dying just a little bit on the inside. That’s a part of life, but if you find yourself doing those types of things repeatedly, it’s probably time for a change…

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