Are You More Emotionally Mature Than a Sixth Grader?

Let’s be honest: no one expects a sixth grader to be all that emotionally mature. Some are, but many aren’t. However, if you observe the behavior of a sixth grader, you may find some examples of things that many adults unfortunately do as well…

I have a friend who teaches middle school. For this article, let’s call her “Ms. G.”

Ms. G. was teaching one day when two students got in an argument. One student complained that the other had taken her pencil, while the other student denied the thievery.

Ms. G., not sure who to believe, but understanding that this shouldn’t be a big deal, made sure that both girls still had pencils to write with, asked them to stop arguing and move on to more productive things. Sadly, she may have misunderstood how important stupid things like that can be to a twelve year old…

The alleged victim continued to complain, at which point Ms. G. told her that if she didn’t stop she would get in trouble. The girl managed to keep quiet for a few minutes (a Herculean feat in and of itself, I am sure) but eventually started complaining again.

Ms. G., trying to avoid getting the girl in too much trouble, asked the complainer to step outside to calm down. The girl went outside for a few minutes and then came back in a seemingly calmer mood. Seemingly. But it was not so, for she once again started complaining.

At this point it was too much. Ms. G., after having given multiple chances and warnings, now had to send the girl to the principal’s office. I have never been a teacher, but it seems the logical way to do that is to say the student, “go to the principal’s office.” This is what Ms. G. did. So what did the girl do? Nothing. She did not, in fact, go to the principal’s office.

At her wits’ end, Ms. G. did the only thing she could: she called the principal to her room to come get the student himself. Again, I’m not a teacher, but I understand that in the grand scale of “middle school trouble escalation,” having to have the principal come to the classroom to collect you is pretty bad.

As she was being taken away to the principal’s office, the girl says, “Ms. G., I don’t know why you made such a big deal about this, it was just a pencil.”

Ms. G., somehow managing not to let her head explode (a Herculean feat in and of itself, I am sure) replies, “this is not about the pencil. I gave you many chances to let it go, but you had to keep complaining about it. And because you couldn’t stop, you ruined your day.”

True words, and a good lesson. I hope the student learned from it, but I somehow doubt it…

It’s easy to read this story and just shake your head at the immaturity of today’s youth. But there are definitely things we can all learn from the example of Ms. G.’s pencil stealing incident. You may never ruin your entire day over someone taking your pencil, but everyone has moments where they fail to act as emotionally mature as possible.

Here are three things you can do to make sure that you stay more emotionally mature than a sixth grader:

Keep Perspective

As an adult, keeping a sense of perspective is important. How often have you seen someone (or you) get disproportionately angry or upset over something inconsequential? Someone “steals” the parking spot you were waiting for – sure, that sucks, but is it worth jumping out of your car and yelling at the person through his window? Someone accidentally bumps you and spills some of your beer – bummer, but is it worth getting in a fight over? Someone off-handedly says something rude – they may be stupid, but is it worth you wasting your day obsessing or crying over it?

Of course not. This is what emotionally immature children do. Sadly, more than a handful of adults act this way too.

Keeping perspective is about having an appropriate emotional response. Keep that in mind the next time you or someone you know starts flipping out over something inconsequential.

Let Things Go

This is perhaps the master skill of emotional maturity. People with high levels of stress and anger can just never seem to let anything go. It doesn’t matter if it’s letting something small go in a few minutes or holding on to a grudge for years.

In this story, the student just couldn’t let go of the fact that she had been “wronged.” While sitting in silence, she festered on thoughts of how unfair things were. If she could have just let it go and moved on, it would have worked out better for everyone.

I’m not saying that you have to forgive everyone who does something to you. But you can let things go so they no longer have a hold on you, even if you choose to never forgive (though in most cases, forgiveness is a good thing to do, simply for the freeing effect it will have on you).

It may be a bit much to expect a 12 year-old to “let it go.” As adults, however, we should all not only have the ability to let things go, but we should practice that ability with great frequency.

Forsee the Consequences of the Path You Are On

For some reason, so many people, young and old, start down a path and then are shocked when they get in trouble for it.

You know, the person who argues and gets belligerent with a police officer and then is shocked when they get arrested. The employee who repeatedly shows up late and then is stunned when he gets fired. And yes, the student who keeps acting up in class and then is appalled when they get sent to the principal’s office. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You don’t have to Nostradamus to look two minutes into the future and see the trouble coming.

Sadly, many people never take a split second to pause and think about where their current actions are leading. They just keep on ranting and raving and complaining and ultimately end up screwing themselves over.

A little emotional maturity and foresight can go a long way to heading off a lot of problems.

The next time you find yourself acting up in any way, take a look at that list and ask yourself, “are you more emotionally mature than a middle schooler?”

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