The Immense Power of an Unsolicited Compliment

A couple of days ago an old friend sent me this email:

“I had to email you and tell you that I am loving your blogs. I really hope that you’re doing well and that the Motivational SmartAss is paying off not just for the sheer fun of it, but by making you very rich and very famous. I’m so glad you found your niche. My favorite part of getting on facebook is seeing the titles of your blogs: Lessons Learned from Liking Sheryl Crowe…come on… there is nothing more motivational or smartassier.”

I hadn’t spoken with her in a few months, and this wasn’t in response to anything I sent to her. It was a straight up, unsolicited, complimentary email sent for no other reason than to say, “hey, nice job.”

I have to tell you, simple as it was, it filled me with a serious bit of warm “aw shucks” feeling. It kinda made my day. And it probably only took her a minutes or two to write it up and send it over.

An unsolicited compliment (as opposed to one where the person is fishing for a compliment or where you are required to say something nice) is immensely powerful. We come across opportunities to deliver these everyday, yet we often don’t take the time to do so.

For example:

• See a performer who does a great job (especially if they are in a smaller/sparsely attended venue)? Take a minute to tell them personally how much you enjoyed the show.
• Have a friend who looks particularly good one day? Tell them you think so (do this with taste, people…)
• Read a book or article that you enjoyed? Drop the writer a line.
• Get awesome service at a store or restaurant? Say a few additional nice words beyond just, “thank you,” and “have a nice day.”
• See a colleague do a great job on a presentation or project? Go out of your way to let them know (i.e. don’t just wait until you bump into them at lunch.
• Someone have a blog you like and read regularly? Send them an email telling them how much you like it (as in my case)

The possibilities are endless. And while complimenting people you know is great and always appreciated, sometimes the most powerful effect you can have is when you compliment a stranger. They would never question the sincerity; friends may have to lie, but a stranger would never say something in the first place.

So why don’t we? There may be many reasons, but I can think of a few assumptions that we all make that stop us from passing on a nice word:

“They already know”

This is the most common one. Why bother to tell someone how awesome they are if they already know? Think again; people like to hear nice things, even if it’s only to reinforce what they already know. Besides, you have no way of knowing what they think. Maybe they don’t already know…

“I don’t have time”

Come on! We’re not talking about composing an epic poem in their honor. Five minutes to make a phone call, two minutes to send an email, or twenty seconds to walk up to someone and say, “wow, I thought you did an amazing job. That was great.” You have the time.

“It might embarrass them”

Again, we’re not talking about a major production. Don’t quiet down an entire restaurant so you can stand on the table and toast the good service you got. A simple, sincere, private compliment goes a long way and won’t really embarrass anyone.

“They won’t care”

Sometimes you may feel hesitant to walk up to someone and say, “nice job,” because you figure they won’t care. Maybe you are a total stranger, or maybe you are in a similar field but not nearly as far along as they are. Compliment them anyway. Trust me: as long as you deliver a short and sincere compliment (and don’t glob onto them like a love struck groupie) they’ll appreciate it.

Take a moment today to pass along an unsolicited compliment to someone. You very well just might make their day.

About

By Avish Parashar. As the world's only Motivational Improviser, Avish uses techniques from the world of improv comedy to engage, entertain, and educate audiences on ideas around change, creativity, and motivation. Connect with Avish on Google+

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