Business Lessons From People Who Stab Themselves

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…

I came across this story recently about a man who couldn’t go to work at Blockbuster because he said he was stabbed. Sounds fair, right? “Being stabbed” has got to be pretty high on the list of acceptable reasons to miss work. Only there was one problem: He stabbed himself!

That’s right, he stabbed himself. And not accidentally. Oh no, this rocket scientist stabbed himself because he didn’t want to go to work!

Can you even begin to fathom the thought process of a person who does this?!

“Hmm, I really don’t want to go to work today. But I have no personal days left, and if I try to call in sick they’ll know I’m faking. Hmm, what to do…? Wait a second…I know! Maybe I can’t call in sick, but I can call in stabbed!”

Of course, I left out the richest part of this story. To make sure no one questioned his story, he stabbed himself! Stabbed himself enough that he had to go to the emergency room and get stitches.

Perhaps I’m being foolish by attempting to inject a little logic into this story, but if you are going to skip a day of work, wouldn’t you want to come up with an alibi that didn’t involve you spending hours in a hospital?

Maybe it’s all that Denverian fresh air, or the high altitude. Or maybe it’s that some people just don’t get it. Whatever it is, there are some obvious business lessons here. Let’s take a look:

Think “Big Picture,” People!

Our hapless hero in this story put his focus in a very wrong place. If you are so unhappy with work that you are willing to stab yourself to get out of it, then you have a bigger issue than, “how can I get out work today?” Because guess what? Even if the plan worked, he’d have to go right back to work the nest day. Only this time with stitches. A better, big picture question could be, “how can I improve my life and work towards finding a job I actually love?”

The Business Lesson: Make sure the plans and solutions you are implementing are addressing big picture concerns, and not just short term symptoms. A quick fix is good in an emergency, but for real progress you need to dig in and take care of root problems.

Use More Creativity!

I have to admit, “stab myself,” is probably an idea that would be generated in a probably run brainstorming session on, “how can I get out of work.” The freedom to come up with stupid ideas is important to the creative process. At some point – before implementation – those ideas need to be evaluated. If the ideas you have aren’t good, keep creating.

The Business Lesson: The first idea may not be the best. Develop your creativity to generate a giant list of ideas so that you can select a good one.

Any Plan That Involves Stabbing Yourself Probably Needs To Be Re-Thought!

‘Nuff said.

The Business Lesson: Don’t hurt yourself or your business in an attempt to get a quick gain. Examples of this are treating employees badly, being rude to customers, and taking advantage of customers to make sales. No long term good will come of it.

Think Plans Through!

The Li’l Genius in our story thought, “if I stab myself, I won’t have to go to work. Brilliant!” Then he stopped thinking. A little more thought – and really, just a very, teeny, tiny, miniscule amount more – would have made him realize, “hmm, then I’ll need to spend hours at the hospital getting stitches, so I’ll waste my day off. Plus it might hurt. Oh, and the police usually like to get involved when someone claims to have been attacked and stabbed by three men, so then I’ll need to lie to the police. And at the end of the day, I’ll still have to go back to work at Blockbuster. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all.”

A little thought. Think things through. Is that too much to ask?

The Business Lesson: Don’t let the initial excitement over a new idea cloud your ability to think through all the ups, downs, benefits, and consequences of implementation.

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are not planning on ever stabbing yourself to get out of a day of work. But the next time you think about engaging in some behavior that may have some self-destructive tendency to it, please take a moment to remember the lessons of our self-stabbing friend; it may keep you out of a lot of trouble in the long run!