15 Responses to “Single Person’s Rant”


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  1. I think in general, people like to validate their own choices but foisting them on you. Hence the “You should…”s.

    And too many people get caught up in the desire to be somewhere else that they neglect to enjoy the here and now. Enjoy the current place where you find yourself, single, recently married, having young kids, etc. Each time has it’s ups and downs, and too many people see each spot as a waypoint on their journey to another destination instead of a worthwhile place to enjoy.

  2. Julie

    I said “amen” after almost each of these. Especially the one for weddings. I get that weddings are expensive so if you’re not in a relationship, generally you’re not invited with a date. But there is nothing, nothing more dehumnazing then looking over at your friends or family having a ball at the table over while you’re making small talk with a 14-year-old girl and a 72-year-old widower. Also a pet peeve: when you go out on a date or are dating someone and you’re just not feeling it, some people will imply that you’re being picky. “Well, some people are nervous at first.” “Maybe he meant that he only hates SOME minorities…” Why would it be fair to any party involved to date someone you don’t like? Rather be single than be divorced 5 times. Ok, I’m hijacking your blog now, sorry 🙂

  3. Julie

    Oh, and I like what Terry had to say too. I think that’s a wonderful state of mind to embrace!

  4. Hi Avish! I think your fully justified in how you think. For a married woman with no children, I also get tired of people asking me when I’m going to start a family. Initially my unfiltered brain wants to snap back and say, “When I get pregnant!!!!!!!” However, I’m a nice person and respond in a poised conventional manner. But I want to say, “It’s none of you GD business.” People are only trying to be caring but they have to stop and think that our generation views our familial and lifestyle habits a WHOLE lot different. Now, I would have been a type of person that would have said, “The right person will come along for you.” But since you brought it to our attention, I’m not sure what I would say now. Quite frankly, I want you to have a life of whatever you choose. Generally speaking to anyone, if your single and happy, be single and happy. If your homosexual and want to get “married” or have a civil union and have the same rights, DO IT. BE IT. And most importantly, love it! If you want to be a motivational smart ass, BE A MOTIVATIONAL SMART ASS!!!!!! Keep going my friend….

  5. avishp

    Julie, no problem – hijack all you want! I have even been known to turn readers’ comments int posts of their own…:-)

    I hear you 100% on the thing about when you’re not feeling it but people imply you need to give them more chances. The subtext there is “you may not find anyone better, so you need to keep striking away with the flint until you find a spark.” Ironically these are usually the same people who felt an instant connection with their now-spouse…

  6. Don’t be bitter Avish. When it’s your time, it will happen.

  7. Amy Rosenberg

    Another insightful well-written article. These points apply to many people, as shown by all the comments. Here is one that I find as a single woman. My perception is: When someone is supposed to provide a service (landlord, merchant, etc.), it seems that they will often try to skimp, lie, or avoid their responsibility when it comes to a single woman, in a way that they wouldn’t dare to do to a couple, or maybe to a single man. Of course, I’m not doing a double-blind study here, but… It’s something I’ve heard from other women, too. Married women will send their husbands to deal with such issues because they will get results, and be taken seriously.

  8. avishp

    Rich, to you I say, “AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Well played sir. Well played.

  9. avishp

    Hey Terry,

    Thanks for the comment. I agree with you one people validating their own choices with a little foistery. I started working on a point about how people give you advice based on their experience, solely on their experience, without acknowledging that it is just on their singular experience. But my version was coming out much longer than your nice, concise, one sentence version, so I let it go…

    Great point about mindset too – which, interestingly, is the best “improviser’s mindset” to have! Stay in the moment and make the most of it while moving things forward.

  10. You missed my two worsts:

    1) Having to alert every waiter and busboy in the restaurant when you step away from your table for a bathroom break or a smoke, lest the table be cleared when you return.

    2) Having to answer, “Why aren’t you married yet?” I try to answer these with the most socially inappropriate possible reply: “My girlfriends couldn’t put up with my sociopathic behavior.” “I’m having trouble fulfilling my centaur fetish.”

  11. Amy Rosenberg

    OK one more! Basically, when people are on your case for being single, you just can’t win, even when you DO start dating someone. Because then when you do tell certain friends about this new boyfriend, they will say, “Oh, he’s divorced?” or “Oh, he’s from another country?” and then you have to hear all the negative stereotypes about all that, and why it will never work.
    Oh and yeh, I’m not bitter either. 😀

  12. avishp

    Good additions, Jeff. I didn’t even think about the first one, but that’s a great point. The second point to me is a variation on the advice/mentoring idea. Very annoying, and I like your approach. I like to put it back on them and tell them it’s their fault for not introducing me to a good woman. I have never had anyone come back and actually set me up after I said that…

  13. avishp

    Amy, that’s funny, in a sad sort of way…Gotta love being judged, right?

  14. mike

    you forgot holidays that charge by accomodation. why am i spending the same as couple and their kids when im only useing a quater of the amenitys?

  15. avishp

    That’s an interesting one I hadn’t thought of Mike – but not a bad point at all. I may have to do a follow up where I include all the ideas readers have submitted!

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