On this blog, and in my speeches, I use the phrase, “Ding! Happens.” If you have seen me speak, then you know exactly what I am talking about. If not, you may be confused. Here then is the explanation of “Ding! Happens.”

“Ding! Happens” means the same thing as, “Stuff Happens,” of more correctly, “[Insert your favorite expletive"] Happens.”

The “Ding!” comes from an improv comedy game that I play to start off my speaking programs. In it, I give an audience volunteer a bell, and then I begin telling a story. The volunteer can ring the bell (“Ding!”) anytime they want. When they do, I have to roll my story back, start repeating what I said, but change it to something different. For example:

“Once upon a time there was a girl who had a pet dog”
Ding!
“Once upon a time there was a girl who had a pet cat”
Ding!
“Once upon a time there was a girl who had a pet mouse”
Ding!
“Once upon a time there was a girl who had a pet llama”

Whatever. I can say anything I want, as long as it is different. If the volunteer doesn’t ring I just keep telling the story but only as if the last thing was said. So in this example the dog, cat, and mouse would all be gone, and we would have a story about a girl and her pet llama.

To see examples of this game inaction, visit the videos page

The game is fast, high-energy, and funny. The lesson from the game is that the universe acts in just the same way. You are moving nicely down one path and everything is coming along fine and then all of a sudden, “Ding!” the universe throws you a curve-ball and says, “here, deal with this.”

Anyone can do well when everything goes well. What separates people who succeed in the long run from those who fail or give up is how they respond to the unexpected when it happens – because it will!

So how do you respond when Ding Happens? I’m glad you asked…

The Step By Step Process to Improvising With Anything

When Ding! Happens the people who excel, succeed, and thrive, are the ones who react quickly and take powerful action. This is true for improv comedians performing for an audience or for non-performers going about their lives. The thing that allows great improviser to improvise effectively, on stage or off, is that they have conditioned themselves to react to the unexpected automatically in a way that keeps them out of paralysis and gets them moving forward. They may not even consciously know that they do this, but they do.

In my work as a performer and instructor of improv comedy, as well as my work speaking and training for organizations on how to apply improv comedy to their businesses, I have developed a simple but powerful step by step process that will allow anyone to improvise with anything that life throws at them. The process consists of two underlying mentalities followed by the three simple steps.

The process can be applied consciously at first, but over time the goal is to be so well versed in the process that it happens automatically, in every scenario. That is the key to being a fantastic improvisor.

The Process:

The Two Mentalities

1) Have Fun

You can not perform improv comedy if you are not willing to have fun (believe me, I have seen people try!) You can go through life without having fun, but why would you want to? Life is too short…

Having fun Is more than just a quality of life issue though. When you are having fun, you free up your creative power, you are more open to taking (calculated) risks, and you have more energy. Your ability to have fun directly impacts your performance.

Have you ever watched a sporting event on TV and heard the commentators say about the team that was winning, “they look like they are having fun out there?” Sometimes we think that they have fun because they are winning; the opposite is actually true. The more fun they have the more likely they are to win.

This is not to say that bad things won’t happen. They key is to realize that a) No matter how bad things are, your bad mood won’t change them and b) by relaxing and heaving fun you increase your chances of turning things around.

Great improvisers know how to focus on the fun even in tough times.

2) Be Willing to Fail

Improv is inherently a risky type of performance. You can’t pre-write and rehearse the lines you will say – after all, you are making it up on the spot! Every time you step out to do a show, you have no idea what will happen.

That level of risk makes many people terribly afraid of improvising. Sadly, the more afraid you are, the more likely you are to fail.

While great improvisers have trained in a way to reduce risk, that risk never completely goes away. The best improvisers accept that failure is a very real possibility, and then take action (and have fun) anyway. That willingness to mess it up actually decreases the likeliness of failure.

The same thing applies in the “real world.” If you approach a task with the fear of failure, you will get tense, stressed, and be unnatural. All of these things hamper your ability to perform well. Only when you let go of that fear can you do your best. And only by accepting that the worst may happen and if it does you will be fine can you let go of that fear.

Note: I am not saying that failure is ok. Failing can be very bad and can carry sever consequences. They key is to realize that while you are taking action you must accept the possibility of failure so it no longer has power over you. That is what great improvisers do.

Think of something you excel at. I am going to bet that you a)have fun doing it and b) aren’t afraid of messing it up. On the flip side, think of an area in your life where you feel weak at or you feel could use improvement. I will bet that you a) don’t have fun doing and probably get tense or down just thinking about it and b) put so much importance on it that you are terribly afraid of messing it up.

These two mentalities are universal. Develop them and you will be better at everything you do, even if you don’t learn or apply the three steps.

The Three Steps:

1) Know Your Outcomes

When ding happens, many people respond by working harder on what they were already doing. While hard work is admirable, this is a bad strategy. You see, when the unexpected occurs, our previous plans and tasks may become completely invalid. If we focus immediately on details or process, we may miss the big picture and end up wasting lots of time and energy. Great improvisers know that as soon as ding happens, they need to focus and evaluate their outcomes.

I learned this from my performing days. I have seen improv comedians who are technically proficient. They do everything right. But for some reason, they are just not that much fun to watch. On the flip side, I have seen improvisers who aren’t technically perfect. They make some mistakes. But they are ridiculously entertaining. Guess who I want in my group? I learned that the goal of a comedy show is to entertain and make the audience laugh. The improv games and skills were tools to accomplish that. This doesn’t mean that I would want to work with someone who was technically awful (I think great skills are the key to great entertainment). But if I have to choose between technically sound and amazingly entertaining vs. technically amazing and just “sound” in terms of entertainment, I am going with the first choice because that fits the outcome!

When the unexpected occurs (and it will) your first response should be to immediately focus on your outcome. What do you want to accomplish? What is your goal? Quite often, the unexpected event will have changed the outcome. Sometimes the unexpected event will actually open a new and better path to your outcome. By re-focusing immediately you ensure that you will always be taking the right action at the right time.

2) Focus on What You Can Control, Let Go of the Rest

The second step is to focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. So many people waste so much time focusing on things they have no control over. This includes:

• Stressing over what someone else will say or do
• Worrying about what might happen in the future
• Complaining about something that happened in the past
• Hoping a situation will turn out a certain way
• Blaming others for mistakes they made

All of these are examples of putting your attention on things you can not control.

The only thing you can control is what you do, right now. That’s it.

When ding happens, great improvisers put their attention immediately and exclusively on what they can do right now in this moment. That is the key to quickly and powerfully dealing with the unexpected. There is a time and place to lay accountability, examine past mistakes, think about the future. That time is not immediately when ding happens. That time is later, once the crisis is resolved.

Great improvisers know and apply this. People who don’t get this waste precious time and energy focusing on all the wrong things.

3) Say “Yes, And,” Instead of “Yes, But”

One of the core principles to great improv comedy is to say, “yes, and” to your partners. This means that when a fellow performer says something you say, “yes,” to accept their idea and then say, “and’ to add your own input and build off of it.

Sadly, many people say, “yes, but” instead of “yes, and.” “Yes, but” is basically a semi-polite way of saying “no.” Saying “yes but” leads to bad improvisation, on stage or in life.

Here’s why: “yes, but” keeps you stuck exactly where you are. There is no progress, no movement, and no growth. Along those lines, “yes, but” keeps you fixated on the problem.

“Yes, and” is the way to move forward, grow, and progress. When you say “yes, and” you are taking action and switching your attention on to the solution.

Think about a time when someone “yes, butted” you. It probably felt pretty bad, like they were disrespecting you or arguing with you. That’s what “yes, but is,” a negative argument. “Yes, and” is positive and collaborative.

This is not to say that you simply say, “yes,” with everything presented to you, even if you don’t agree. The idea of “yes, and” is a mental technique, not a literal one. The key to “yes, anding” is to think “yes, and” first. Hear someone out. be open to new ideas. Take some chances. You can then later on say, “no,” or “but,” after you have given things a chance. Most people start with “yes, but” and then need to be convinced otherwise. To be a great improviser, you need to start with “yes, and” and then, after thinking things through, later on you can decide to say no.

There you have it. The simple but powerful step by step process to improvising with anything. The next time Ding! Happens try these steps and watch yourself deal with things quickly, powerfully, and with a sense of humor.

***
For information on how to make your next event unforgettable, visit Avish’s Conference Speaker page now!
 

Here’s a simple fact: anyone can seem like a great leader when everything goes perfectly right.

If you have a great team of people, and everyone does what they are supposed to, and the market conditions stay favorable, and all of your customers are happy, and all of your vendors do what they are supposed to, then being a good leader is a no-brainer.

That’s a whole heck of a lot of “ifs.” If you’re willing to take those odds, remind me never to go to Vegas with you…

The real test of your leadership skills comes when things go wrong. And trust me, they will go wrong. Ding! will happen (hence the title of this post).

This is not me being pessimistic; it’s just the way the world works. There are too many variables out there for everything to stay perfect forever (if you’re even lucky enough to get that situation in the first place…)

How well you lead when things go wrong is not only a test of your leadership skills, but it’s also the reason you have your job in the first place. Your organization didn’t hire you to babysit a bunch of high-achievers and stay out of their way.

You were hired to get the most out of your team, prevent problems before they happen, and deal with problems when they do happen.

Sadly, many managers never give a second thought to what they’ll do when times get tough. As a result, not only do they not fix the bad situations, but they often make it even worse.

To help you avoid falling into that trap, here is a five-step plan you can use to lead your team (and yourself) through the unexpected crises that are bound to occur:

Step 1: Pause and Think

The simplest and most important step you should take when the unexpected happens is also the one that is most often missed.

Don’t jump in with a knee-jerk emotional reaction! It’s easy to calm down when you have time (say, you receive notice that your company is reorganizing your department). It’s much harder to do when you are confronted with an immediate problem (an angry customer is complaining about the service he received from one of our employees).

In either case, the best thing you can do before opening your mouth or springing into action is to pause, take a few breaths, and think about both the problem and your possible solutions.

Problems get quickly exacerbated when we let our emotions control our responses. Don’t fall into this trap. Just…don’t…

Step 2: Take a Look at the Big Picture

Now that you have controlled yourself and paused before responding, you may be wondering, “What do I think about?”

The first thing you should think about is the big picture. When a problem happens, it’s easy to focus on the short term and then do whatever it takes to make the problem go away (for now). The problem with this approach is that often our short-term solutions just end up making things far, far worse in the long-run.

Before you take any action, be very clear on what your long term goals are, for your organization, your team, and for yourself.

Be open and honest in this stage. Sometimes we have clear goals, but then an unexpected event actually changes the entire picture. If you cling to your old goals even after the change, you can end up wasting a lot of time and effort.

For example, let’s say you have a promising employee who happens to be a little insecure. One day he makes a mistake that makes everyone’s lives harder. The mistake was not due to negligence; it was just an honest mistake. Your initial emotional response might be to berate and yell at the employee. That would make you feel better in the short run, and might make you feel like you addressed the problem.

However, if your long-term goal is to see this employee grow and flourish, then berating him may completely undermine your goal. Especially if he is already insecure. A better approach would be to reassure the employee that you understand and then work to fix the situation.

This is not to say you coddle employees and never address their shortcomings. You do, only you do it later, and in a better way (more on that in a moment).

Step 3: Put Your Attention on What You Can Control

Once you know what your big picture goal is, you need to figure out what you can do to achieve that goal.

The critical element here is that you make sure you only focus on the activities that you and your team can do right here, right now.

When things go wrong, it’s easy to worry about the future, complain about the past, or look for someone to blame. The problem is that none of those things help you a) fix the problem or b) move you towards you big picture goals.

Leaders who lead well in a crisis put their attention only on what they can control, and they let the rest go. This is the “secret” they use to quickly and effectively deal with the unexpected.

The next time something goes wrong, ask yourself, “What can we do right here, right now, with the resources we have, to resolve this situation?”

That should be your primary focus until the crisis has passed.

Step 4: Take Deliberate Action

Of course, simply thinking about and talking about what you should do is meaningless if you don’t take any action.

Sometimes, after going through the first three steps above, your course of action will be crystal clear. In those cases it is very easy to take deliberate action.

Sometimes however, the situation will be a bit murkier. You will have multiple choices, and none of them will seem perfect. It is in these cases where you, as the leader, must step up, choose a course of action, and take it.

It’s not easy, and you won’t always be right. However, the worst thing you can do is allow yourself to be paralyzed by uncertainty. Pick an option and run with it.

This doesn’t mean you have to be chained to an idea forever. If you chose one path and it doesn’t work, you can try something else. In fact, you will learn far more by trying something and getting feedback than you ever will by sitting at a desk thinking and analyzing.

And yes, your action can be to take no action at all! As long as it is a deliberate decision that you feel gives you the best chance of achieving your big picture goals (and not fear-driven paralysis), then sometimes doing nothing is the best thing you can do.

Step 5: Analyze and Address the Problem

Once the crisis has passed – or at least been addressed – it is time to analyze the situation and figure out why things went wrong in the first place.

This is another step that many leaders miss. They feel that once the problem has been fixed, they don’t need to harp on it any longer. They assume the employee learned his lesson, or that the underlying issue in process or systems has been fixed, and then choose to focus on happier things.

This is a big problem, because if you don’t address and fix the original cause of the problem, you are setting yourself up to have to deal with it again and again.

This is the step where you, working alone or with your team, need to identify what went wrong, why it happened, who was responsible, and how you all can ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

By doing this step last, you manage to

1. Keep your initial energy on fixing the crisis
2. Avoid letting undue emotion enter into your analysis and discussion

Now is the time to chat with an employee, or reprimand them, or even dismiss them, if necessary. Now is the time to identify what the root cause of the problem was (yes, this is basically the time where you sort of “assign blame,” just so you can make sure it doesn’t happen again). Now is the time to complain about the antiquated computer system and try to find the money to replace it.

Problems need to be addressed. They just need to be addressed at the right moment.

In Conclusion

If there were never any tough times, there would be no real need for great leaders. However, you know as well as I do how the world works. Those tough times are coming…

Use the five steps above to navigate through those unexpected events as they occur. Not only will you reduce your own stress and deal with them like a champ, but your own bosses and supervisors will appreciate and reward your efforts.

***
Do the above steps sound familiar? That’s because they are the steps Avish talks about in his keynote presentations and training programs. If you have a conference or management training retreat coming up, then consider bringing Avish for an interactive, funny, and content-rich session! Visit his Conference Speaker page now for details!
 

This past Tuesday was the first session in the Smart Ass Success Teleseminar Series. I had an awesome interview with Scott Ginsberg, and he shared a ridiculous amount of information and a ton of ideas anyone can use to tap into, improve, and apply their creativity.

Below I have posted a five-or-so minute long sample of the interview, as well as 7 simple ideas I got from talking with Scott about supercharging my creativity (there were many more).

If you’d like to get the full audio of Scott’s call, plus a bevy of bonuses and access to 6 more calls with awesome experts (along with the recordings and transcriptions), you can still sign up. Just visit the Smart Ass Success Teleseminar page and sign up now! Regardless of when you sign up, you’ll get the recordings of all past and future calls.

Here’s the sample:

Week-1-Scott-Ginsberg-Creativity-Sample

Here are seven simple but powerful ideas to kick-start your creativity:

1. Waking up excited to hit the ground running comes from knowing who you are. Once you know who you are, what you do, and why you do it, motivation takes care of itself.

2. “Stop planning and just write.”

3. If you want to access your creativity, start each day “vomiting” your thoughts onto a page or screen. It doesn’t matter if it’s legible or makes sense. Just dump and delete.

4. If you want to beguile inspiration, develop a system to not only write down but also organize, categorize, and access your ideas.

5. If you get a good idea, write it down, even if you don’t know what you’re going to do with it.

6. Something that’s a bad idea now may turn out to be a brilliant idea later.

7. Make a list of twenty things you do that are a waste of time and stop doing them.

Thanks for reading (and listening)!

Remember, there’s still time to sign up for the Smart Ass Success Teleseminar and get all the recordings, transcriptions, and bonuses! But hurry, because once the Series ends, the offer will be gone!

If you have ever pursued a dream, goal, or passion, then you have certainly faced setbacks. There have been times where continuing seemed difficult or impossible. You may even have wanted to give up.

We’ve all been there! And it is those moments that separate people who live full lives doing what they love from those who settle for less. I was reminded of this lesson while suffering through three miles of heat, mud, and pain…

This past Sunday I participated in the “Merrell Down and Dirty Mud Run.” This was a 5K trail run (over real trails, up and down hills, etc.) that was also littered with a variety of obstacles (cargo net, walls, various mud pools/pits, etc.).

Why would I put myself through such a thing? For the same reason that man climbs a mountain: because his girlfriend asks him to…

Actually, my girlfriend did ask me to, but she ran it last year and after she told me about it I thought, “Hey, that sounds like fun!” (There’s a quick lesson right there – every person has their own, very personal definition of fun).

The only problem with preparing for this race was that I…um….sort of…HATE running. Once a year or so I’ll think, “Running is great exercise!  I should start running again!” It takes me about two weeks to remember, “Oh yeah, I hate this!”

A 5K is a pretty short race, but it’s not insignificant. I planned on running a few times a week for the four weeks leading up to the run. At least, that’s what I planned…

What I actually did instead, was continue on with the P90X workouts I was already doing. These workouts were pretty tough, so I figured, “Hey, if I can do these workouts, a 5K should not be much of a problem!”

I know what you’re thinking: “That’s crazy! I’m sure you died on the run!”

Shockingly, my assessment was correct. The run went fine, and I felt pretty good doing it (as good as a rational human being can feel while running, I suppose. And no, if you love to run I don’t consider you a rational human being).

I completed the 5K without needing to walk, and, other then the obligatory chaffing that running around in mud filled shorts causes, I didn’t suffer all that much.

The one thing an event like this will do is make you think. As I reflected on the experience afterward, I came up with five important lessons that apply not only to runners, but also to anyone who ever faces a setback while pursuing a dream, goal, pr passion:

1) Don’t Burn Yourself Out

I was doing this race with my girlfriend, which was great. We ran at the same pace, kept each other motivated, and periodically distracted ourselves with some conversation. However, my girlfriend has a slower natural pace than me, so I had to run slower than I usually do.

This may sound annoying, but it worked out immensely in my favor. If I had run at my “natural” pace, I would have burned more energy and put more stress on my body. There was a much higher likelihood that I would have had to walk or even stop.

By slowing down, I was able to keep going and keep making progress. 

In the same way, when you are tackling a big project or pursuing a dream, you might want to slow down and focus on slow and steady progress.

When you first start, you may ride a wave of motivation and work like crazy. While you may get a lot done at first, you’ll soon find your motivation returning to a normal level and your output tapering off.

There’s nothing wrong with starting strong, except when one of two things happen:

1. You burn yourself out
2. You feel guilty when your pace drops because you’re not doing as much as you were at first.

If you are prone to one (or both) of those things happening to you, I suggest you slow down your pace, even right out of the gate.

2) Keep Putting One Foot in Front of the Other

There was a stretch on the trail where we kept running farther and farther away from the start. As we ran, all I could think was, “Hmm, I thought we were beyond the halfway mark. And yet…we continue to run farther away from the finish line. Oh boy, this race is longer than I thought it would be!”

This was not a happy thought.

As those types of thoughts continued, my fatigue increased and my legs started to burn.

What got me through that stretch was to keep focusing on the next step. “Just take another step. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.” 

That mentality got me to the next obstacle, and then to bend that started us back, and then eventually back to where the finish line was.

Whew! Crisis averted…

Life works the same way. Some paths are longer than others, and some plans fizzle, flop, and flounder. That’s when you get tired. That’s when things start burning. That’s when you get overwhelmed.

And that’s exactly the time where you need to put all your focus on just taking the next step.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually you’ll get around the bend and past the obstacles and reach the finish line.

3) Tap into Your Motivation

As I mentioned, I didn’t do a lot of training specifically for this run. I was working out, doing a lot of cardio type stuff anyway, but I hadn’t gone for a run in about three years (because I hate it, remember?).

However, I wasn’t too worried because I felt that since I was racing with a partner, and since there would be so many people around, that I would be motivated to keep running.

You know what? I was right (Again. Shocking.).

This got me thinking though: Why is it that, with no training at all, I could run 3+ miles, but when I try to run alone for exercise I feel out of breath, exhausted, and in pain after ¾ of a mile?

The answer is simple: because I suck.

Ok, that may be overstating it. I don’t suck. I just have a very strong externally driven motivational strategy. I do much better if other people are watching than if I am just doing something myself.

I’m not going to spend time now evaluating whether that’s a good thing. It is what it is.

But by knowing that, I can use it to my advantage. I was able to finish the run because the structure of the race tapped into my motivation. If I was smart (no comments please) I would set up more areas of my life to tap into this same external motivation.

How about you? What motivates you? 

If you don’t know the answer, spend some time thinking about it (and check out my free e-book, Smart Ass Success!, which has a section on motivation).

If you do know what it is, then use it to your advantage! If you’re externally motivated, then make public commitments. Join groups. Get partners, or an accountability coach.

If you’re internally motivated, then visualize your goals. Use positive self talk. Set your projects up so they have the right level of challenge and autonomy.

The key is, figure out what works for you and then use it!

4) Move Beyond Motivation to Habit

Despite my previous point, I am not here to tell you that “you can do anything!” (You can, but now always without training and preparation).

No matter how motivated I was, at some point my body would have given out. The race had a 10K option, and I doubt I would have been able to run that whole thing with no training (although maybe that doubt is what would hold me back. Who knows, the mind weird…). Certainly by body would fall apart if I went out today and ran a marathon. Or how about an Ironman Triathlon?

Motivation is great, but if you rely solely on motivation, you’ll hit a ceiling at some point. 

For the occasional one off event (like running one 5K a year), motivation is super. It can help you push past short term limits.

Where motivations really comes in handy though, is when you use it to help you train, improve, and develop habits that allow you to perform without requiring motivation.

If I wanted to become one of those weird, “regular race people,” I would need to use my motivation not to keep going during every race, but rather to keep myself training to so that by the time the race came around I wouldn’t need the motivation.

Your goal for ongoing activities is to increase your comfort zone so that what is currently hard for you and requires great discipline becomes automatic.

Put another way: Habits make motivation irrelevant.

5) When Given a Choice to Whine or Laugh, Go With Laugh

One thing I noticed on the run was the number of people who were vocally whining about how hard it was.

I get it – it’s hard. Running a 5K is hard enough even when you don’t have to crawl under ropes, climb over walls, and slop through mud.

However, you have choices. You didn’t have to participate in the first place. You could just walk. You could even stop and take a break.

I’m not discounting the fact that for some people the run was hard. And maybe even painful. But whether and how you express that difficulty and pain is entirely up to you.

Some people complain. Some whine. Some cry. Some give up.

Others smile, laugh, and keep going (“keep putting one foot in front of the other…”)

Not only will whining not help you finish your task, it will actually hurt you. Whining, complaining, and crying are work. They tire you out! And all the energy you put into whining is energy you can not put into the task at hand.

The same lesson applies to life. When Ding! Happens, you have a choice of how to respond. Whining, complaining, or crying may seem like a good idea at the time (and let’s face it, we all do this from time to time), however, if you really want to keep going when things get down and dirty, you’re best bet is to smile and laugh.

You don’t have to be a maniacal head-case, guffawing at every setback. Just remember whether you laugh or cry, you can’t change what happened. And if you want to keep moving forward, laughing will help you more than whining.

In Conclusion

Whether you are a crazy person who wants to do a “Down and Dirty Mud Run” or someone who wants to do a little more with your life, you can be sure that you will face times when things get hard and you just want to give up. When that happens, I hope you remember the 5 lessons from my muddy run and do whatever you need to pick it up and keep going!

P.S. Hey, if you like this post, why don’t you share the love and click the Facebook “Like” button at the top of this page…?

***
Do you want help making better long term decisions? How about help figuring out what exactly it is that you want? Or maybe you know, but your problem is that you don’t know how to put together a plan to get you there?  Or perhaps you have a plan, but never feel motivated to follow it? Or you jyst get easily derailed when things go wrong? If so, than the Smart Ass Success! Learn the 7 Steps to Getting What You Really Want – Even If You Have No Idea What That Is! FREE E-Book is for you! It addresses those questions (and more) to help you get on the path towards figuring out what you really want – and then getting it! Don’t let another year pass you by. Click here to download your free copy now!

You know what sucks? When you plan and prepare and train for something for a long time, only to have an annoying quirk of fate throw you completely off track. When that happens, you have two options. I learned all about that just a few days ago…

This past weekend, my girlfriend ran a triathlon. For those who don’t know, a triathlon is a sporting event that people who enjoy self-torture like to do. This was a “Sprint Level” which means that it was a short version (the word “Sprint” implying that people should “sprint” through it or something. Are they crazy, or just bionic?).

By “short,” I mean it was made up of an 880 yard swim, a 15 mile bike ride, and a 5K run Yes, I am aware that those are three different units of measurement. Why do they do that? I’m not sure, but I’m guessing it’s to keep the triathletes confused enough to never say, “hey, we could just use a car and a boat and do this in a fraction of the time.”

I mock the triathlon, but in truth, I have wanted to do one for a while. So when my girlfriend came to me and said, “I want to do this triathlon, do you want to do it with me?” I off course said, “Not this year” and went back to drinking my beer. (Clearly, I need to revisit my own lessons about saying “Yes, And,” which you can read about here and here, listen to an audio here, and watch videos here and here.)

Part the First: Training

Ignoring my laziness, my girlfriend signed up and started training. For three months she trained like a madwoman. Seriously, there was like a “Jekyll and Hyde” thing going on. She never worked out all that regularly before, but once the triathlon training got under way she became an addict. She never missed a day, and we started scheduling things around her workouts. She even started do additional workouts on her own – and on her “rest” days. Crazy…

Part the Second: The Event

The day of the event came and she took off into the water to get started. Once everyone started swimming, I lost track of her. I also somehow missed her as she started the bike portion, so I had no idea where she was. But I kept watch, knowing that the bike course would loop back so I would have to see her eventually.

Time passed. Then more time passed. Then more. And still no sign of her.

I started to get a little worried. Was everything ok? Was she just moving really slowly? Did she get injured? Did she get a cramp during the swim and drown?!? (This was one of her worries going into the event, and now it was transferring to me!)

Part the Third: DING!

Then I saw her approaching. Only…she was walking her bike. Uh-oh…

I didn’t care at all that she was walking the bike; frankly, I was proud and happy that she signed up and did the damn thing. If she needed to walk part of the bike portion, no big deal. But I wasn’t sure why she was walking it. Was she tired, or was she injured?

Then I got a glimpse of her face, and she was visibly distraught. Uh-oh…

I ran up alongside her and asked what happened.

“I got a flat tire,” she responded. “I had to walk my bike for the last four miles!”

To be honest, my initial impulse was to burst out laughing. Not because there was anything funny about the situation. It kind of sucked. But I almost laughed because I was so relieved that she wasn’t injured. Plus, being a humorist, laughing at things is sort of always my first response.

Being a relatively smart man, I knew that a laugh would have been misinterpreted. So I kept it to myself.

Then I felt bad for her. She had trained so hard for so long and had been looking forward to this day for months, and then she had a major DING! Happen.

That sucks.

After taking an extra forty minutes or so than originally planned, she finally walked her bike across the finish line and moved into the transition are to start the run.

Part the Fourth: The Lesson

As I watched her run off onto the 5K course, I thought to myself, “Wow, I am even prouder of her now than I would have been if she had just finished the triathlon normally.”

When that tire went flat, she had two choices.

1. Walk the bike to the finish and then start the run.
2. Quit

The obvious choice is to keep going. But you know as well as I do that when something like that happens, that little voice starts in your head:

• “This is pointless.”
• “You may as well give up.”
• “You’re not meant to do this anyway.”

And so on and so on.

The voices would only get stronger as you were forced to slowly walk your bike through the hot sun while rider after rider after rider passed you. All this on your very first triathlon ever.

But she sucked it up, kept going, and did whatever she had to in order to finish the bike segment.

As she moved into the transition area to get ready for her run, she smiled and called out, “at least I should have no problem with the run now!”

And that’s what it’s all about.

Part the Fifth: YOU

When things go haywire for you, when things get off track, when setbacks occur, you have two options too:

1. Do whatever it takes to keep going
2. Quit

It’s sooooo tempting to just throw in the towel when things start to go wrong. But those are the moments that separate the people who succeed in life, the ones who get to enjoy what they truly want and deserve, from those who keep settling for less and less and ultimately look back and say, “I could have done so much more.”

The next time Ding Happens to you, I hope you remember the simple lesson from my girlfriend’s triathlon and handle it the same way:

Grit your teeth, make a joke, and keep going.

P.S. The next day, we got the official results. Because of the huge setback due to the flat tire, she finished in last place for her heat. And I still couldn’t be prouder…

***
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Have you ever gotten really mad over something really stupid, and then did something you really regretted?

If so, don’t feel too bad. There are people making far, far worse decisions about far, far more inconsequential things…

For example, I came across a story recently about a man who was arrested for throwing his cousin out of a window.

What prompted this altercation? What could make one man throw another through a window? Where they arguing over the love of a woman? Debating the geo-political ramifications of oil and religion in the Middle East? Fighting for control of a detonator for a thermo-nuclear device?

No. No, no, no. These two were not arguing about anything so passive, so simple, so banal. They were arguing over something that truly mattered:

I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now (how could you not? It’s so obvious). They were arguing over which characters on a fantasy TV show were going to win a battle.

Wait, what?!?

Yes, these two scholars were fans of the HBO TV show, Game of Thrones.

Read it for yourself:

Man Throws Cousin Through Window Debating ‘Game of Thrones’

Game of Thrones is an HBO show based on a fantasy novel series. I’ve read it (I’m guessing our two violent blockheads haven’t – they probably wouldn’t know what a book was if one came flying out a window and hit them in them head), and while I would say it’s good, I can’t say that I think it’s so good that it would ever prompt me to hurl my cousin (or any other family member for that matter) through a window.

Of course, I’ve only read the first two books so far (they’re up to five, and the finished series will have seven or so), so who knows? Maybe book four is so well written it motivates its readers to commit familial defenestration.

I think that should be the new rating system for books. Screw this “out of five stars” thing. Let’s rate books on a “potential to cause violence” scale.

This would make book reviews so much more entertaining. “The book was pretty good, but I can’t say it made me want to throw my cousin through a window,” or, “wow! A book so good, you’ll find yourself whacking your neighbor in the head with a garden gnome after you read it!” Who wouldn’t want that?

But I digress…

So we have Tweedledum and Tweedledee arguing over fictional characters in a fantasy world, and the argument gets so heated that they get into a fight. During the course of the fight, one throws the other through a window while yelling “Tyrion Lannister in the face, beyatch!”

(Ok, I’ll admit it, I added that last part…).

What can we learn from this? First off, we can learn to never watch Game of Thrones with morons.

Beyond that, I think there are three lessons we can all takeaway from this story:

Develop Impulse Control

The more speaking I do and the more blog posts and books I write, the more convinced I become of the importance of impulse control

What is impulse control? Here’s a good definition from TheFreeDictionary.com:

Psychology The degree to which a person can control the desire for immediate gratification or other; IC may be the single most important indicator of a person’s future adaptation in terms of number of friends, school performance and future employment

I honestly believe that if we, adults and children alike, could learn to control our immediate reflexive responses, the world would be a better place.

This is one of the main points of my keynote speeches – how to make better choices reflexively, in the moment; choices that reduce stress and keep you on track, even when things go wrong. Such a simple thing, but so important.

Anyone who lets an argument about a TV show escalate to physical violence clearly lacks impulse control.

While I am sure that you are smart enough to not get into a physical alteration over television, I would bet that there are times when high emotions take over and you make bad choices and take less than ideal actions.

Impulse control isn’t easy; it takes conscious practice to get better at it. But the better you do it, the lower your stress levels will be, the better your relationships will be, and you will make better and faster progress towards all your goals.

Pick Your Battles

Let me repeat the critical point of this story: One man threw another man through a window because they were arguing over which character would win a battle on a fantasy TV show.

If that doesn’t make you think that some people need to learn some perspective, I can do nothing for you.

Pick your battles, people. Not every discussion needs to be entered into. Not every argument needs to be won. Just because you got into a conflict doesn’t mean you can’t get out of it, even if you will appear to be “losing.”

So yes, if someone is unfairly accusing you of sexual harassment, then fight to the bitter end to defend your job, name, and honor. But if you’re a “Kirk” guy and you come across a rabid “Picard,” guy, feel free to walk away from that before it comes to fisticuffs (now, if you come across a rabid “Janeway” guy, you may be justified in resorting to violence. I’m just saying…)

Nip Things in the Bud

In most situations, people don’t instantaneously switch from totally calm to violently outraged (not even these two Mensa graduates).  Things progress one step at a time with the argument getting more and more heated as it goes, until the only option left is to throw a person through a window.

At any point during the discussion, either person could have said, “ok, let’s just agree to disagree.” They could have continued finished watching Game of Thrones and then gone on to argue over other Earth-shattering topics, like who would win in a fight, Thor or the Hulk (Thor) or which Lord of the Rings character was the most “badass” (Aragorn).

Now I realize that neither of these two Bozos would have the maturity and self control to make such a statement. But how about you? How often do you start off in a minor disagreement that slowly escalates until, by the end, you are in a full blown war? In those situations, wouldn’t you say that you had moments where you though to yourself, “hmm, this is getting a bit out of hand?”

Whether your arguing with family, friends, work colleagues, supervisors, or a significant other, your ability to look just a few steps ahead, realize things are headed in a bad direction, and nip the argument in the bud by simply walking away will allow you to live much happier, healthier, and wealthier life.

In Conclusion

A little thought, foresight, and impulse control go a long way. While I am sure you would never throw someone through a window over an argument about a TV show, I hope you can learn a few things from the two dunderheads who did. Life is too short to get worked up and out of control over stupid things. Pick your battles, exert a little control, and be willing to walk away.

And the next time you feel an argument starting to get just a little out of hand, picture a 23 year old idiot throwing his cousing out a window while yelling, “Tyrion Lannister  in the face, beyatch!”

***

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Here’s another one from the “stupid young criminal” file…

Turns out a girl, an honor student who had already been accepted into multiple Ivy League schools, got herself into a bit of trouble. You can read the full story here:

Rachel Hachero, Honor Student, Pistol-Whips Mom, Forces Her to Buy Car at Gunpoint

In a nutshell, Rachel Hachero, a 17 year old honor student in Fort Meyers Florida, decided that she wanted to buy a used 2004 Nissan 305Z, and she needed her mom to co-sign the loan. Her mom said no, and that’s when things got interesting…

Did Rachel do what many other high school kids facing issues with their parents would have done? Did she:

• Go to her room, slam the door, crank up the Morrisey and feel sorry for herself?
• Lament to her friends about how much her life sucks and how she has the worst mom ever?
• Get motivated and take on a part time job to go out and but a car herself?

Nope. She did none of those things. Those would have been reasonable (or at least understandable) ways to react.

So what did she do?

Yup, she did what any sane, rational person would do in this situation:

She got a gun, pistol whipped her mom, then forced her mother to co-sign the car loan at gunpoint.

Wow. Just…wow…

The next day, after Rachel went to school, her mom searched her room and found the gun and (surprise!) drugs, and called the cops.

Of course the mom didn’t want the cops to arrest the girl, since that might affect her ability to attend an Ivy League college.

Folks, you just can not make this stuff up.

Obviously, there is a lesson on child rearing here, but, since I don’t have kids, I am not going to get into that.

Instead, let’s just focus on one lesson that we can all learn from this nerdy little Goodfella…

A Little Impulse Control Can Keep You Out of a Lot of Trouble

I am going to go ahead and assume that you, when things don’t go your way, don’t immediately resort to pistol whipping as a negotiation technique. However, many people do make some bad choices in those first few seconds and minutes after an unexpected setback messes up their plans (Ding Happens!).

Here are a few ways that people deal with the unexpected Dings of life that are, shall we say…less than ideal. While they are not as bad as pistol whipping your mother, they will still do nothing but add stress and make your life harder than it has to be:

• Snapping at someone with a personal insult
• Engaging in a pointless argument instead of keeping your mouth shut or walking away
• Running around bad mouthing the person behind their back (you know it makes you look bad and will get back to them eventually)
• Posting something stupid on Facebook or Twitter
• Getting physical. Maybe you don’t pistol whip, but a shove, push, slap, or punch are all physical responses that can open up a world of trouble for you.

These are all responses we have seen others do (or maybe do ourselves) when they let their emotions take over and lose the ability to control their impulses.

The Simple Solution

In my keynote speeches and workshops, I talk about a simple technique you can use to avoid this problem: PBT

PBT stands for:

• Pause
• Breathe
• Think

I didn’t invent this. In fact, it’s something I learned when I was doing programs in schools, teaching elementary school kids how to control their anger. However, I have found that it translates to businesses and adults quite well.

When Ding Happens, your best bet is to:

• Pause before taking any action or saying anything
• Breathe a few times to control your anger and calm your emotions
• Think about what your big picture goals are, what your options are to achieve that goal, and what the consequences of those actions will be

Then, and only then, you pick an action and take it. By simply using the PBT approach, you can avoid many of the problems that come from acting out of emotion.

The three steps may seem like a lot to do before reacting to a situation, but the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. Over time, you’ll find yourself going automatically through the steps very quickly and making smarter choices.

The next time Ding Happens to you, remember to Pause, Breathe, and Think before reacting and you’ll end up reducing the stress and drama in your life.

If nothing else, I guarantee you will rarely end up saying to yourself, “yes, the best option for me now is to pistol whip my mother.”

***
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Could you imagine what life would be like if you automatically did the things that led to success and if doing those things was easier than not doing them? That’s what should happen when you build a solid set of habits, and that is the path I have laid out for myself.

At the beginning of this year, I outlined my plan to build a set of habits for myself, rather than achieving goals. Each habit would be worked on for eight weeks to get it properly “installed,” and then I would move on to the next habit.

For a detailed look at the plan, you can read the post here:

Resolution #1: No More Resolutions!

Eight weeks have gone by, which means habit number 1 is done! I wanted to share my experience of building habit #1 with you in case:

1. You were following the same habit plan I outlined in the original post. Or…
2. You want to try it for yourself now

The first habit was to eliminate morning procrastination by having three specific tasks I completed before I went into my usual, “procrastination routine.” The three tasks were:

1. Write 1,000 words of fiction
2. Write 2,000 words of non-fiction
3. Complete three marketing activities, not matter how small or big each one was.

I was pretty confident that building this habit would have a huge impact on my productivity, business results, and personal satisfaction.

I’m proud to say that I followed the plan very closely, and have made a lot of progress. More importantly, for you, is that I learned quite a few things that may help you as you work to build your own habits:

1) Habits are Tough Things to Build

It's not always easy, but it's worth it

Colloquial wisdom says that it takes 21 days to build a habit. Colloquial wisdom is kind of wrong…

The 21 day benchmark was from the work of Maxwell Martz about 50 years ago, and wasn’t really about building a new habit. I came across another article that references a study that seems a little more current and on point:

How Long to Form a Habit?

Not surprisingly, the study concludes that the length of a time it takes to build a habit is related to the difficulty of the activity. The examples in the study ranged from 18 to 254 days.

Yup, some of the habit took over eight months to install.

For me, after eight weeks, I feel I am much farther along towards making my morning work routine habitual, but it’s not quite there yet.

A habit, if you define it as I do, has two critical qualities:

1. It’s harder to not do than to do
2. It happens automatically, without thinking.

Number one is easier to attain than number two. I feel I am at a point where if I don’t do my morning work routine I feel edgy. However, what remains to be seen is if that’s because it’s becoming a habit or because I made a public commitment to do it. I assume it is some combination of the two, but as I continue on, I believe it will be more and more habit based.

The second quality is the real goal: where you just do the activity without thinking. I still need to think about what I need to do, and then make a very conscious decision to start my morning writing. So it’s not a habit in that sense. Yet.

What You Can Do With This: If you undertake a habit building plan of your own, don’t expect instant results. And don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t still feel automatic after 21 days, 60 days, or more. It takes time, and the more complicated the habit, the longer it will take.

2) The Process is Worth It

Set your plan up so you stay happy, even if you don't build a habit

What if you try this plan and don’t build a habit? Was it all a waste of time? Not at all…

After two months, I may not have a full-on habit, but I will say that my morning productivity has been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay higher than it was before. I have written tremendous amount, and a I got a lot done.

As I look at the remaining five habits I plan on building, I can honestly say that if I spend eight weeks on them and they don’t become new habits, the effort will still have been worth it. Progress will have been made. Habit or no, the time spent will not be a waste.

What You Can Do With This: As you consider your habit building plan, try to set up your activities so that even if you don’t build a habit, you will still have made good use of your time. This will make it easier to stay on track and to move on to the next habit even if the first one doesn’t stick.

3) The Gradual Progression Method is Brilliant

Ok, maybe not that brilliant, but brilliant nonetheless...

A huge component of the program I am following is that you start out extremely small, and then increase a little but each week. You don’t jump in on day one of week one and try to do your full habit.

In my case, week one involved writing 125 words of fiction, 250 words of non-fiction, and doing one simple marketing activity each day. Each week I increased those numbers a little bit. By week 8 I hit my “1,000 fiction, 2,000 non-fiction, and 3 marketing activities” goal.

This worked incredibly well. The first two weeks seemed excruciatingly slow at times. I would finish my entire morning habit plan in about 30 minutes. However, by gradually increasing my commitment, I never felt overwhelmed.

Sure, by the time I got to week eight I felt like I had a lot of writing to do, but since it was only a small increase over the week before, it wasn’t a problem.

I am pretty confident that if I started out on day one and said, “ok, you’re going to write 3,000 words and take three marketing activities every day,” I would have given up by day four…

What You Can Do With This: If you want to undertake a large change in your life, and the “Massive Action/Cold Turkey” approaches have failed for you, I highly recommend that you give the gradual progression method a try.

4) The Gradual Progression Method Also Has Its Limitations

I'll admit it, I didn't have a good picture for this point, so I used one of Megashark eating the Golden gate Bridge, because, why not?

There is a limitation to the gradual progression plan: Since you increase a little each week over eight weeks, you only spend one week fully implementing your habit. For me, I only spent one week writing the full amount I had laid out for myself.

Clearly, one week isn’t enough time to install a new habit.

So, while I spent eight weeks building the habit of “morning productivity,” I only spent one week building the full habit of writing 3,000 words and doing three marketing activities.

For the remaining five habits, my plan is to continue the gradual progression, but to reach my final goal by the end of week five or six. That will give me two to three weeks of not increasing at all, but rather simply practicing at my end goal.

What You Can Do With This: Play around with your progression and find what works best for you. Find the balance in your gradual progression where your weekly increase is enough for you to reach your end goal with a couple of weeks to spare, but small enough that it doesn’t seem overwhelming.

5) Ding Happens

Ding!

I am happy to say that in eight weeks, there were only five days that I missed implementing my habit plan. Two of those were planned in advance (I wasn’t working because a friend was visiting or I was travelling for a vacation day). Two were because I got caught out of town due to snow and didn’t have my work stuff with me. Only one day was missed simply because I fell into an old bad habit of procrastination.

Still, those three unplanned days, two for snow and one just because I’m me, made me feel down and guilty. The back-to-back snow days were a Wednesday and Thursday. It was incredibly tempting to me to just bag the plan for that Friday and “pick up again on Monday.”

Bad idea.

The key to habit building is to do it as consistently as possible. Setbacks will of course occur (Ding Happens!), but what’s important is how well you deal with those setbacks.

If you feel guilty, get mad at life for throwing you off, and then decide to quite (temporarily or permanently), then you are simply letting life push you around.

A better approach is to accept the fact that Ding Happens, things don’t always go as planned, and you’re not perfect. Then, forgive yourself for the missed day and get right back to it the next day.

An occasional misstep on the path to habit building isn’t a problem. The problem occurs when one misstep leads to two, which leads to three, which leads to a pattern that ends in giving up.

What You Can Do With This: Resolve now to not beat yourself up when you misstep. If you’re human, you will. Remind yourself to simply accept it, learn from it, and keep following your plan.

6) Reevaluation is Important

If you don't periodically reevaluate your actions, you may one day end up as a sad hobo clown. Be careful, and don't say I didn't warn you...

I will say this: Now that I have spent some time doing a tremendous amount of writing, I am not sure that the habit I set out for myself is optimal.

Don’t get me wrong; I love the output, and I still believe in the benefits of writing a tremendous amount every day.

The only problem is that writing that many new words takes time, and there are other things to do all day. Which means that while I am writing a lot, I have little time left over to edit, format, and post articles. I am currently sitting on 15-20 drafts that are anywhere from 60-9% complete!

Now that I’ve fulfilled my eight week commitment, I am going to reevaluate. Perhaps I will lower the total word count but add in an editing component. Or perhaps I will stick to the plan four days a week and devote one day to nothing but finishing up articles.

What You Can Do With This: The theoretical plan you lay out before you start may prove to be sub-optimal once you actually start implementing it. For the sake of self-discipline, stick out the first eight weeks as you originally planned (unless you are 100% sure that it makes no sense to continue). Once that time is past, however, take a look at whether the new habit is fully serving you or whether you need to change it.

In Conclusion

Everyone is different. I’m hoping I can decrease your learning curve by sharing some of the lessons I have learned so far. However, the only way you will figure this out it to try it for yourself, and figure out what works best for you.

I strongly encourage you to try to build one new habit over the next eight weeks. It is an incredibly powerful way to create a foundation that will lead to long term gains with less struggle and stress. And who doesn’t want that…?

***
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